


Truths and Consequences

by Katef



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides Are Known, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-04-06 01:19:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 50,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19052344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katef/pseuds/Katef
Summary: Sequel to 'G I Guide'.After leaving the military, Jim and Blair are working hard at adjusting to their new civilian lives together.  However, even as they learn of the success of their campaign to repeal the Guide Conscription Law of which Blair had fallen foul, they receive information that there is still a significant threat from and old and bitter adversary.





	1. Who'd have thought?

**Author's Note:**

> Although I hadn't originally intended to write a sequel to 'G I Guide', I decided to leave the ending of that story open enough just in case. And thanks to some much appreciated prompting from a few readers, here it is! I hope you enjoy it. :)  
> (And yes, I promise it will be finished, even if it takes a while.)
> 
> Kate x

**Truths and Consequences Katef June 2019.**   


**Part 1: Who’d have thought?**  


**Rainier University Campus:**  


Strolling across the courtyard towards Hargrove Hall alongside his companion, Blair paused for a moment, lifting his face to soak up the warmth of the unaccustomed fall sunshine, his eyes closed in bliss. His friend, Chaz Beckett, took the opportunity to surreptitiously study his younger associate, yet again struck by the young man’s beauty even though he knew that Blair would scoff at the very notion if he were ever to vocalise it. But it was undeniably true, and reflected in the other man’s soul as much as his physical appearance. Sandburg’s expression was serene, and he looked incredibly youthful, but in Chaz’s opinion there was a new maturity about him even though he was still not quite twenty two years of age. 

However, considering the trials he had suffered after being compulsorily drafted by the US military straight off this very campus little more than a year ago, he certainly had a right to be changed, and Chaz thought privately that a lesser spirit might have been damaged beyond recognition. He didn’t know all the details, and wouldn’t dream of pressing Blair for what must surely be painful reminiscences, but he did know that the young man, recruited against his will on the strength of his guide capability, had been abused during his basic training before being literally ‘issued’ to a needy sentinel. 

He had seen active service, and been injured saving his sentinel from an attempted hit-and-run, but at the end of the day he had surprised his academic friends as much as himself by falling in love with and bonding with said sentinel, who positively adored him in return. And now he was here, back at Rainier to complete the doctorate he had worked so hard to achieve, and had shyly admitted to Chaz that he was living as fulfilled a life as he could ever have expected to have. 

After a moment, Blair murmured, “What’s got you thinking, Chaz? I can hear the cogs whirring from here!” and he chucked disarmingly before opening his eyes and regarding his friend, one eyebrow quizzically raised. 

“Ah, nothing really, Burg. Just enjoying the pretty day!” 

Blair laughed outright at that. “Oh, man! And I thought _I_ was the master obfuscator around here! Come on, man, spill!” 

Chaz offered him a wry grin, and capitulated, unable to resist Blair’s charm. “OK, Burg, if I must!” he mock-grumbled, reaching out to swat his friend’s upper arm playfully. But then his expression sobered, and he gave Blair a searching look. 

“I was just thinking, you know, about how good you’re looking, Burg. I mean, I don’t want to drag up anything nasty, but after all you’ve been through, you still look great. And happy, and that’s the main thing. It’s just that, well, I – and I think a lot of your other friends here – were really worried that you’d been broken, and we hated the idea! It wasn’t right, what happened to you, and that’s why you have so much support in your campaign to repeal the compulsory Guide Draft Law. 

“But who’d have thought that you would have actually met the sentinel of your dreams? You have had some good karma after all, babe!” 

Blair grinned at him, but although his smile was genuine, his eyes were thoughtful and a little distant as he answered. 

“That’s really nice of you to say, Chaz, and I really appreciate it – and all the other people here who’ve been so good to me since I returned. Except maybe Chancellor Edwards,” he added with a rueful frown. “Now she would prefer never to see me ever again!” 

“Yeah, babe, but what can she do about it?” Chaz replied. “She’s treading on thin ice already as far as holding on to her job is concerned after how she treated you, and I think your…what should we say?...Father-in-law? - William Ellison will be making certain that she never interferes with you again!” 

Blair’s lips twisted briefly in a grimace as he glanced away before turning back to meet Chaz’s open and honest gaze. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, Chaz. But at least she doesn’t have to worry about me teaching here. As long as I keep to the doctoral programme and keep out of her way she’ll be happy enough. I hope! And we won’t mention the PR from the campaign!” he snickered. 

As they continued to walk, Chaz glanced at his friend again. “Do you miss it, though, Burg? Teaching, I mean. You were such a natural, and you always said that it was your path in life.” 

Blair smiled then, and offered Chaz a reassuring grin. “No, Chaz. I mean, yes, I _did_ think that it was my calling, but I don’t miss it like you might think I would. See, once I met Jim, I realised that _that_ was my real destiny – although it wasn’t instantaneous, as I think you know! But I’m still teaching, you know, only in a different location and to different students. Although I’ve been working on setting up proper victim support groups at the PD, just recently I’ve also been asked to run a series of seminars for cops on how to understand and deal sympathetically with situations and individuals as diverse as LGBT victims, disenfranchised gangsta kids, racist and gender issues and battered partners. It’s still teaching; using my anthropology as well as my empathy; and I think – hope – that it’s a worthwhile contribution to society.” 

Chaz shook his head in reluctant admiration. “Only you, babe, could make something so special out of the bum hand you got dealt. And work your ass off to make it happen! I’ve never known where you get your energy from, kiddo! 

“But on a lighter note, how’s that sentinel of yours getting on? Still showing all the other cops how it’s done, huh? As long as you’re at his side, that is,” he added archly. 

Blair blushed fetchingly at that. It was true, and intellectually he knew it, but still couldn’t seem to accept the importance of his own role in his and Jim’s partnership. 

“Um, he’s fine, Chaz. Better than fine, to be honest. He’s taken to his detective’s role like a duck to water, and Simon – Captain Banks, that is – is already muttering about putting Jim’s name forward for this year’s ‘Cop of the Year’ award. And of course, Jim hates the very idea!” and he chuckled wickedly at his own words. “He’s never been able to stand any sort of grandstanding or pomp and ceremony, even though I think he’d look gorgeous in a tux!” 

“Well, all I can say is that I’m truly glad that the pair of you have made such a success of your bond despite the circumstances, and I can honestly say that the part that both of you have played –are still playing – in the campaign to get that Guide Conscription Law repealed once and for all is something else, kiddo. And you deserve all the kudos you’re due for your efforts.” 

Smiling softly, Blair reached over and grasped his friend’s arm, his empathy assuring him of Chaz’s utter sincerity. 

“Thanks, man. But we couldn’t do it without the support of people like you, and for that we’re both truly grateful. The so-called ‘Great and Good’ from the government down won’t budge unless they’re pushed, and it takes a whole lot of lesser folk like us - and a lot of bad PR - to make them sit up and take notice. 

“But on a lighter note, I have to get to Eli’s seminar a.s.a.p., so see you on Thursday for the rally?” 

“You got it, Burg,” his friend replied. “And I think I can guarantee a good turnout. Social media’s a good platform for some things, I guess.” 

Blair nodded, a little more hesitantly this time. “Yeah, I guess,” he agreed somewhat diffidently, but then with a grin and a jaunty wave, he trotted off up the imposing staircase to the entrance of Hargrove Hall, all his thoughts now focussed on the upcoming seminar. 

And he was completely oblivious to his friend’s thoughtful gaze that followed his departure, just as he had no concept of the love and affection he so innocently inspired in the vast majority of his acquaintances. 

But not quite in all, as he had already learned the hard way in his short life, and unfortunately, inevitably would again.  


\--------------------------  


**Meanwhile, in the MCU bullpen:**  


Jim stood beside the printer in the bullpen waiting for the machine to disgorge his completed report. As the machine hummed into life, he couldn’t help but reflect on how much he disliked paperwork and bureaucracy of any kind. It was by far the least gratifying aspect of his new career, and one he resented wasting time on doing. Not that he hadn’t been used to a certain amount during his military career, or that he was incapable of doing it. He was an intelligent man after all, but he was also a man of action, and time spent doing routine paperwork and making nice to assholes he often despised was time better spent in catching the bad guys in his rather cynical view. But he did know it was a necessary evil, even if he didn’t like it. 

But then again, when a certain young guide was at hand to give him willing support, the task became far less onerous. Not just because Blair tackled his outstanding reports with flair and speed, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he typed quickly and accurately, but also because the end results were so much better than Jim’s own efforts. He chuckled softly to himself as he considered how much more his captain, Simon Banks, appreciated Blair’s creations, the young man’s fertile imagination and quick mind as well as his enthusiasm ensuring that each completed report was a mini masterpiece in its own right. 

And the fact that Blair’s doting sentinel could revel in his guide’s presence was an additional bonus. 

Jim’s self-satisfied grin widened as he pictured his guide sitting at his desk, his glasses perched on the end of his neat nose and his big blue eyes focussed intently on the monitor before him. He also had an unconscious habit of catching his lower lip between his teeth as he worked, an action which inevitably sent a skirl of arousal straight to Jim’s groin. In his opinion, those lush lips should come with a government health warning, they were so tantalising, but the best thing of all was that they were his and his alone to enjoy as often as he wished, with Blair’s whole-hearted, willing cooperation. 

Returning to his desk with the report clutched in his hand, Jim continued to contemplate his guide, but this time with a slight frown creasing his brow. Although their lives were generally every bit as good as they had hoped to create for themselves after leaving the military, Jim was growing increasingly concerned about how complicated and busy Blair’s workload had become. It wasn’t in the young man’s nature to refuse to do anything he was asked, his generosity of spirit and kindness an intrinsic facet of his character, but those very virtues had the potential to have a detrimental effect on Blair himself. Jim recognised, and frequently felt guilty about the sheer, unbounded love and dedication Blair demonstrated towards his sentinel in both word and deed; creating a home environment eminently suited to Jim’s hypersensitivity as well as guiding and grounding him whenever required. Not only that, he was also diligently working to complete his dissertation on the subject of the guide’s role, not just for his own gratification, but in order to enlighten and educate the public and TPTB as to the importance of the guide as an individual in their on-going campaign to get the Guide Conscription Law repealed. 

And then, of course, there was the young man’s commitment to the PD. Although not an official consultant as yet, at least until he had achieved his doctorate, he was still Jim’s guide and civilian partner in the field for which he received a small stipend. He had also taken on the responsibility of setting up a Suicide Helpline and Victim’s Support Group, and most recently had agreed to run a series of workshops and seminars for cops on how to recognise and deal with various sensitive issues. 

To be sure, Jim was immensely proud of his young guide’s achievements to date, and the recognition and appreciation he had already earned for himself, but was growing increasingly worried that his lover was stretching himself too far, and would eventually buckle under the strain despite his phenomenal energy levels. 

Seating himself at his desk, Jim stared sightlessly at the paper in his hand for a moment, determining then and there to do something to alleviate the situation. Belatedly he acknowledged that he had allowed his guide to push himself to the limit for far too long already, and it was time to start putting Blair first for a change. He knew that Blair had a meeting with Eli at the U that morning, and was hoping to do some work on his dissertation for a few hours, after which he intended to come in to the PD to do whatever was needed for the rest of the day. Jim decided that he would take his lover out for a leisurely lunch, after which he would do his utmost to try and persuade the young man to take things a little more easily for the rest of the afternoon. Unless Cascade’s criminal element had other ideas – which unfortunately it often did – Jim intended to leave as soon as possible and take his lover home for a quiet evening at the loft, just kicking back and hanging out together in front of the TV with a beer and takeout. 

And then he was going to make gentle love to his beautiful partner until the young man was sated, relaxed and utterly certain of Jim’s care and concern for him. 

But first of all, he decided that he would go and see Simon Banks about getting a little time off. He hadn’t been with the department long enough to have garnered much in the way of leave yet, but he could at least ask for a long weekend, and if he was granted it, he was going to take Blair away somewhere, even if it was just for a spot of camping and fishing. Anything to give them both a break and a chance to really chill out together for a while, reaffirming their bond and devoting their attention to no one but each other. 

Nodding decisively, he rose to his feet and approached Banks’ office, knocking politely before entering at his captain’s invitation. 

“Jim, what can I do for you?” The big captain addressed him affably, which Jim took as a good omen for the granting of his request. 

Taking the seat Simon indicated, Jim smiled in response. “I have a favour to ask, sir, if that’s OK with you. I was wondering if I could take off early on Friday and have a long weekend? I’m pretty much up to date with my caseload, and thanks to Blair, my paperwork’s under control also. So unless something big goes down before then, you shouldn’t miss me too much!” 

Simon regarded him speculatively for a moment, plainly not too keen on the idea. “I don’t know, Jim. I mean, I know you’ve been working hard and I have no issues with that, but the department’s shorthanded at the moment with H off sick and Rafe away at that conference. I’m actually expecting a new temporary recruit in the form of an exchange officer from New South Wales, Australia, but she won’t arrive until next week, and she’ll need a few days to orientate herself anyway. Is there a particular reason you need the time off?” 

Jim frowned at that, but knew that no good would come from snapping irritably at his boss, so he consciously relaxed before responding as reasonably as he could. 

“Actually, there is, sir. I have to admit that it’s more for Blair’s sake than mine, although it does impinge on me too by extension. He’s been running himself ragged backing me up and working on his diss, and doing all the stuff the PD’s thrown at him recently. He just can’t say ‘no’, and I’m concerned that he’ll burn out without a bit of down-time. Which of course means that he won’t be able to back me up as I need. Even Energiser Bunnies run down eventually, so yes, it’s for both of us,” he finished honestly. 

Simon sat forward in his chair, leaning his elbows on his desk and resting his chin on his steepled fingers. He was silent for a while longer while he mulled over his subordinate’s words. He already knew Ellison for a man of integrity, and that he wouldn’t ask for anything which he felt was unacceptable. And it was true that his arrest and conviction rate was climbing steadily all the time, thanks to a great extent to the unerring loyalty and support of his guide. And now he really thought about it, he realised that it was a fact that young Sandburg was indeed taking on more and more, simply because he was so accommodating, and apparently unable to refuse any request. 

He was uncomfortably aware now that he hadn’t taken note of it before, but to be honest, although Sandburg was now one of his team, Banks had never actually taken him seriously as yet, and he was ashamed to admit it. He realised that he, like so many others, was guilty of thinking of the young man as ‘just a guide’, if a good one, and not a ‘real cop’ just as he hadn’t been a ‘real soldier’ before. But the kid had smarts in spades if his qualifications and results in relation to his tender years were anything to go by, and Simon would do well to remember that. And come to think of it, he had been looking a bit frazzled lately. 

“OK, Jim. I see where you’re going with this. And now I think about it, Sandburg has been looking weary lately. It’s no excuse, I admit, but he’s usually just so energetic and eager, and to be honest, he always seems to get great results whatever he takes on. And don’t quote me on that! So I guess I – and too many others – have been taking him for granted. 

“So, OK. Unless, as you say, something big gets kicked up to us to deal with before then, yes. Get your desk cleared and take off after lunch on Friday, and we’ll see you both back here on Monday. I’d like to give you a bit longer, but that’s as much as I can manage right now.” 

Jim grinned understandingly. “Thanks, sir. I appreciate it. As I’m sure Blair will when I give him the good news. He’s due in shortly. In fact,” he added happily, head cocked in a listening pose, “he’s just entered the building!” 

Simon grinned back. “Go on then, get out of here and go greet your guide. And tell him to enjoy his break while he can!” 

“Will do, sir, and thanks again!” and Jim left the office, eager to reconnect with his guide and give him the good news.  


\-------------------------  


**That evening, the loft:**  


Jim sat comfortably on the sofa in front of the TV, his young partner’s head resting on a pillow on his lap. Blair was out for the count, having enjoyed a convivial meal of takeout Thai food, and two beers, which was about his limit. And he had also enjoyed being pampered by his doting sentinel, who had been nothing but solicitous of him ever since he entered the PD, plainly determined to make sure that his guide didn’t push himself to his limits for once. Jim had taken him out to lunch at their favourite deli, then almost hovered over him to make sure that he did no more work than necessary for the rest of the afternoon. 

Of course, there was no way Blair would ever make a habit of being so casual, but just for once, he had admitted that it was a nice treat to be spoiled. And although Jim was gratified to hear it, he also experienced a pang of guilt that he hadn’t done it before, but now he had witnessed the success of his plan, he promised himself that he would do it more often. 

Carding his fingers gently through Blair’s silky curls, Jim wallowed in the delicious sensation, closing his eyes for a moment as he smiled softly to himself. Blair might not have the length of locks that he had had as a student, as he admitted that a shorter style earned him a little more respect amongst his colleagues in the PD, but he still had abundant curls with which Jim could play as often as he liked, to their mutual enjoyment. 

With the TV’s volume turned down to sentinel levels, Blair slept peacefully in the knowledge that Jim was watching over him, and Jim trusted that the rest would help restore his lover’s energy reserves for the rally at Rainier the following day. Blair had been asked to speak, and Jim had received permission from Simon to attend also; not only in his role as co-instigator of the Campaign against Guide Conscription, but also as Blair’s official bodyguard. Because unfortunately, as was often the case in such nationwide campaigns, although the vast majority of Jim and Blair’s acquaintance and following supported them unconditionally, there had been some decidedly unpleasant reactions from social media trolls which had upset his gentle partner a great deal. He wasn’t naïve by any means, knowing that low-lifes and misanthropes of all descriptions used social media platforms to disperse their mostly anonymous, mean-minded and misinformed bile, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow, and there was always the chance that anarchistic types would use any excuse to make trouble. 

However, there was cause for cautious hope that their campaign would soon conclude successfully, as just that afternoon, Blair had received a call from his friend and mentor, Dr Eli Stoddard, advising him that Eli’s contacts had hinted that the repeal was imminent. If that were the case, then tomorrow’s rally might possibly turn out to be a celebration instead, and what relief and joy that would bring to all those who had suffered as Blair had done; and to their loved ones also. 

Smiling softly down at Blair’s peaceful profile, Jim thought about how such a result would thrill his beautiful partner, and bring an added layer of mutual pleasure and satisfaction to their planned weekend away. 

Just then, Blair’s eyelids fluttered open, and he turned his head enough to catch Jim’s loving gaze. 

“Hey, Jim,” he murmured, his voice soft and throaty with sleep. “What time is it? Sorry to crap out on you like that, man,” and his lips lifted in an apologetic half-grin. 

“No problem, Chief,” Jim replied fondly. “You need the sleep, and could probably do with plenty more. So how about we retire to bed, hmmm? I could relax you even more,” and he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Oh yeah, man, I’m down with that,” his partner grinned, expression as sultry as it was sleep-soft. “Lead the way, lover,” and he climbed a little unsteadily to his feet, happy to let Jim guide him to the bathroom to do the necessary while Jim turned off the lights and did his usual perimeter check. Minutes later, both men climbed the stairs together, arms wrapped affectionately around each other’s waists, and Blair plopped down on the bed with a sigh of contentment. Although he made an effort to rouse himself enough to undress, Jim was having none of it, and Blair was quite happy to let his big lover take the lead, knowing that Jim needed this as much as he did. He was carefully stripped and settled on the bed to Jim’s satisfaction, languidly cooperating as his sentinel thoroughly imprinted him then made gentle love to him until they both came within moments of each other to lie cuddled in each other’s arms, sated, relaxed and in total harmony, their bond of love cocooning them against the outside world.  


**Following afternoon, Rainier campus:**  


“We did it! We _did_ it! Who’d have thought?” Blair shouted excitedly, his face alight with indescribable joy and satisfaction as he fairly leapt into Jim’s waiting arms. All around where they stood on the raised platform in Hargrove Hall’s forecourt, others were hugging each other, laughing and crying in equal measure as they absorbed the momentous news, TV cameras capturing everything as the celebrations broke out. 

Uncaring as to other’s sensibilities or the media presence, Jim and Blair clung together for long moments, soaking up their shared emotions. For Blair, it was a dream come true, knowing that their efforts; and those of so many of their followers had borne fruit at last. Even as he had arrived on campus, prepared to address the crowd gathered there, the Dean had taken him aside to tell him that the news that the Guide Conscription Law had been repealed had been confirmed. It had passed both Houses, and been ratified by the President, so that his speech was now an announcement of the fantastic result. And when he had done so, his voice breaking in emotion, the crowd had gone wild, cheering and laughing as they shared the excitement. 

It had to be said that, of the university presence, one of the representatives looked less than happy. Chancellor Edwards, although desperately trying to smile along with everyone else, looked as if she was actually gritting her teeth in fury, and the glance she shot at Blair and Jim when she thought no one was looking was venomous. It was a pity for her therefore that one of the cameramen actually captured the moment, and to her intense mortification, it was to play later on the evening news. 

Of course, it hadn’t taken long before others tried to muscle in on the act as the Mayor, some of his councilmen and City Fathers made their presence felt, but for the most part the media concentrated on Jim and Blair as the heroic instigators of the whole campaign. 

When a beaming William Ellison and his new friend and co-conspirator, Eli Stoddard approached the pair, they were both drawn into an enthusiastic group hug, in which they shared with pleasure. 

When they finally pulled apart a little, Jim grinned at his father, still amazed at how the man had changed over the years, and especially since he had met Blair. The man he remembered would never have engaged in such public demonstrations, being far too conscious of his perceived dignity, but William was no longer that man, and Jim was glad to witness it. “Hey, Dad, it’s great to see you here. And you too, Eli. This is a momentous result for us, and for all those guides who’ve either already suffered, or who now don’t have to worry. Thank you both for all your help and support!” 

Blair also added his voice, and although his face was wet with tears, they were tears of joy, and his eyes shone with pure relief and pleasure. “Thank you, William, and Eli. Thank you so much for believing in me –in us – and I know I speak for all other conscripted guides too. Now I feel that Jim and I can truly put all the unpleasantness behind us once and for all, and can concentrate on our lives together. Thank you so very much!” 

And while Eli looked on in approval, William reached out to cup Blair’s cheek in an affectionate gesture. 

“Well, perhaps I should be thanking you too, Blair Sandburg, for making me confront my own prejudices and allowing me to reconnect at last with my son. Congratulations, both of you. I’m so proud of you!”  


\--------------------------  


**Later that night, the loft:**  


Once more Jim and Blair were to be found cuddled together on the sofa in front of the TV, watching the late night news again. The repeal of the Guide Conscription Law was the main story of the day, and although neither man was in the least bit interested in their own appearance in the news coverage, they were still thrilled at the generally positive public reaction to the result. Jim dropped a kiss on the crown of the curly head tucked against his chest, his heart swelling with pride and love for his courageous guide. Although Blair, like he himself, would never think to boast about their achievement, he knew that their quiet pleasure in it was justified, and judging by the outpouring of emotion at the impromptu party that had followed the announcement at Rainier, others certainly had no problem with letting the pair know just how much they were loved and esteemed. 

As Blair raised his head to smile sleepily up at his bigger lover, Jim murmured, “Ready for bed yet, babe? You look all in, and I’m pretty wiped too.” 

“Oh yeah, I think so, Jim. It’s been a wild day, and I’m pooped, but in the nicest possible way. And tomorrow we’re off to the woods for some real reconnecting. What could be better?” 

Jim’s grin widened at that. “Nothing I can think of, babe, except perhaps a little celebratory lovemaking to relax us both completely, huh?” and he had to chuckle at the lustful gleam that appeared in his guide’s beautiful blue gaze. 

“My thoughts entirely, O Sentinel Mine. Come on, let’s go!” and his suddenly energised partner pushed himself to his feet, holding out his hand to Jim in invitation. 

However, even as he stood to join his lover, Jim cocked his head, and looked towards the door. 

“We’re about to get some visitors, babe,” he murmured. “And it’s some old friends of ours. Jesus and Marvin are on their way up. Wonder what they want?” 

Blair frowned at the information. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see their visitors. Jesus Ramirez and Marvin Danilo were comrades from Jim’s old special ops unit, and were liked and trusted by both of them, but why they were arriving unannounced at this time of night had Blair worried. He knew that Jim was equally concerned, but all they could do was invite them in and listen to what they had to say, even if it was troubling. 

And as it turned out, their concern was justified.  


TBC…  



	2. No Idle Threat

**Chapter 2: No Idle Threat:**  


Opening the door of #307 before their visitors had time to announce themselves, Jim grinned affably at his two ex-subordinates, who returned his smile with knowing grins of their own. 

“Still got it, huh, Captain?” Ramirez snickered, while Danilo winked and chuckled. 

“Certainly do, Jesus,” Jim replied, “especially now I have a permanent and very talented partner!” and he glanced back to where Blair was still standing beside the sofa, a welcoming smile lighting up his face even if it was tinged with apprehension. 

“So, good as it is to see you guys, what brings you to our humble abode?” he continued, moving aside to usher their guests inside. 

As Blair moved to offer them his hand, both he and Jim noted the worry in the two men’s troubled eyes even as they grinned warmly and then pulled the smaller guide into a friendly hug, while the empath in him detected real concern in their demeanour. 

Stepping back, Marvin Danilo patted Blair on the cheek. “Looking good, Burg. You’re certainly much more suited to a civilian life with the cap’n, and both of us want to congratulate you and Jim on the victory today. You both did good, and there’s not many in Findlayson who wouldn’t agree with us. And that includes Colonel Mitchell. He hasn’t allowed any draftee guides in the camp since he took over from Masefield anyway. Volunteers only, he said.” 

Ramirez cut in again then, plainly wanting to deliver their message without further ado. 

“Look, Cap’n, Burg. I know this is out of the blue, and we apologise for that, but we felt that this couldn’t wait. And the announcement of the Guide Conscription Law repeal seemed like a good reason to bring our worries before you in person. We had a couple days’ leave due, so thought we’d make the most of it before the next deployment. 

“See, although as Marv says, most of our comrades at Ft Findlayson have been behind you guys all the way, and Mitchell has done a pretty good job of clearing out the bad apples - especially after your attackers were sent down - there are still a few dissenters who are holding out. Not that those yellow-bellied assholes’ll do or say anything publicly, because they know what’ll happen to them if they did, but Marv and I’ve heard rumours, and didn’t like what we learned.” 

Jim frowned then, and indicated the sofa. “How about you make yourselves comfortable, guys? Let’s get you a drink, then we can carry on this conversation at leisure, huh?” 

Both men nodded and smiled their thanks, settling themselves on the sofa while Blair busied himself getting them some beers and snacks, both of which were warmly received. 

A short while later, the serious discussion started up again, and both Jim and Blair were dismayed at what they learned, even though neither man was naïve enough to have believed that everything in their lives would be plain sailing from now on. 

According to their friends, there were still a few of ex-Sergeant Dermot Murphy’s buddies and ‘admirers’ serving at the fort, who, although they had never actively engaged in any mischief, still held on to their misguided bigotry where sentinels and guides were concerned. They believed that Murphy and his closest friends had had the right of it where the training and abuse of draftee guides was concerned, as guides were of little value other than as fuck-toys and body servants, so why shouldn’t Uncle Sam continue to conscript them at will? 

Of course, sad to say, none of this was new to either Jim or Blair, but what was worrying was that apparently some of these ‘admirers’ kept in touch with the disgraced Murphy, and what had passed between them had come to Ramirez and Danilo’s attention, overheard entirely by chance at the local bar. 

Since Murphy’s dishonourable discharge, he had been unable to get a decent job on account of his lack of references, so apparently had been travelling around from one place to another doing whatever he had to to get by. And of course, his resentment against Jim and Blair must have been growing and simmering all the while. According to Jesus, he had recently been in contact with a couple of his old cronies still at the camp, bemoaning his situation and vowing to get his own back on those who had caused his downfall. 

Now neither Jesus nor Marvin had been able to ascertain his present whereabouts or gather any further details of his plans, because they could hardly confront the conspirators head on, and no other opportunity for eavesdropping had presented itself since. However, they were concerned enough to pass on the information they already had to their friends, especially knowing just how violent and vindictive Murphy could be, and they wanted Jim and Blair to be aware of the danger, however remote. They were well aware that Jim was more than capable of looking out for both himself and his guide under most circumstances, but a little advance warning never did any harm. Jim and Blair might no longer be on their team, but they were still considered to be comrades in arms, and they looked out for their own. 

Both sentinel and guide certainly appreciated the information, and the effort their friends had put in to make sure they received it in person, but after thanking them sincerely, the conversation became more general, and both Jim and Blair were happy to be distracted by an update on their friends’ present status. 

“So, Marv, you’re a corporal now, huh?” Jim remarked with a grin. “’Bout time too, my friend,” he added. “I recommended you for promotion as soon as we got back from Caracas, and it’s about time it was acted upon. And I’m glad you’re both still together, and in Iain’s unit. He deserved promotion too, and I’m sure he’s every bit as good a commanding officer as I was!” 

Jesus grinned mischievously at that. “Yeah, Cap’n, he _is_ good, but it’s a different type of ‘good’, if you know what I mean? Our Captain Sturgis isn’t a sentinel for sure, but we know him so well we know what he thinks even before he says it, and the two new guys in the team are fitting in just fine. So, we’re being deployed in a couple days’ time, but you know what that means?” 

“Yeah, yeah, Ramirez!” Jim replied with a laugh. “If you told me you’d have to shoot me, despite my covert ops history!” and all four men joined in with him, eagerly seizing the chance for some light relief after discussing such disturbing topics. 

Shortly after, Jesus and Marvin took their leave, with warm handshakes and brief but sincere hugs, thanks and well-wishes all round. They had declined Jim’s offer to crash at the loft, saying that they had secured a last-minute room cancellation at the Premier Inn down in the marina area, and since they had to return to Findlayson at 0’ dark 30, they didn’t want to disturb Jim and Blair in the morning. 

Once the door had closed behind them and Jim was certain they were safely on their way, he turned to face his young guide, unsurprised to see the deeply dismayed expression clouding the beloved features. Taking the smaller man into his arms, he cuddled Blair close for a long moment, feeling the tiny tremors shaking his guide’s body. 

“Hey, now, babe, it’ll be OK,” he murmured into Blair’s ear. “We knew there was always a possibility that that sick bastard might crawl out from under whatever rock he’s been hiding at some point, but at least now we know for sure that he’s probably looking for an opportunity to get his revenge. I’m just so sorry that this must bring back bad memories you’d rather do without, huh?” 

Blair nodded mutely against his chest, clinging on to his sentinel as tightly as he could for a while longer. When he did pull back a little, his face was sad and apologetic. 

“I’m sorry, Jim. For being such a wuss, I mean. I truly thought I was past this, but the very thought of ever meeting up with Murphy again frightens me so much. I know you’ll always protect me as much as possible, but I remember what he did to me – and what his so-called ‘friends’ did when they tried to kill you! Just because Brannigan and Wylowski are banged up in Leavenworth doesn’t mean that the danger is over after all. I just hate to think that there are others like them still ready and willing to hurt you.” 

Jim regarded him sadly for a moment before answering him. Yes, Blair had a right to be scared, and he would no doubt start having flashbacks again now Murphy was once more in the forefront of his mind. And it was just like him to be as anxious about Jim’s safety as much as his own, if not more so. Jim wished the evil bastard to eternal damnation for what he had done to Blair’s gentle soul, but he knew that his anger had no place here right now. What Blair needed was comfort and reassurance, and that was what he intended to provide. But just let him get the chance to go one-on-one with that evil, sadistic scumbag! 

“You’re no wuss, babe, and I’ll thank you not to denigrate my guide like that!” he murmured with a wry grin. “But forewarned is forearmed, as they say, and although nothing may yet come of it, we’ll assume that it’s no idle threat and we’ll be on our guard. I’m just so angry that you’re being forced to relive your abuse, and on a day like today when we should be doing nothing but celebrate!” 

Blair offered him a slightly shaky grin. “Thanks, Jim, for taking me seriously. I know I’m probably over-reacting, but do you think we should put off our trip to the woods, just in case? I mean, I don’t like the idea of curtailing our activities just because of the possibility of being targeted by Murphy, but at the same time I hate to think of you having to put yourself in danger just to protect me.” 

Jim smiled at that, appreciating Blair’s concern even as he strengthened his own resolve not to let this threat damage their relationship and their lives. Yes, they might well be more vulnerable in the wilderness than here at the loft, but he trusted his senses to be able to detect a sneak attack, and he also trusted in Blair’s own courage, even if the young man himself didn’t acknowledge it. 

“No, babe. We won’t let this interfere with our weekend away together. But tomorrow morning I’ll give Simon a heads-up that we’ll be on the lookout for potential trouble. And knowing him, he might well put out a BOLO on Murphy also, just in case. So try and stop worrying, babe, even though I suspect that’s an unreasonable request. 

“And now it’s really late, lover, so let’s get to bed, huh? We still have to put in a morning’s work at the PD before we can escape to the country!” 

Smiling up at him, even though his eyes were still deeply troubled, Blair nodded in agreement. They climbed the stairs together, their thoughts introspective although their silence was companionable, and quickly got ready for bed. That night there was no celebratory lovemaking after all, but a mutual need for comfort, so they cuddled closely together, allowing their bond to sing between them, offering each other much-needed love and support. 

But even so, it was a long time before either man finally fell asleep.  



	3. Getting back to Nature

**Chapter 3: Getting back to nature:**  


The following morning, it was a decidedly weary-looking sentinel and guide pair who appeared in the MCU bullpen, and although most of their colleagues undoubtedly attributed their fragile condition to a night of well-deserved celebration and over-indulgence, to Simon’s shrewd gaze, there was something deeply amiss and he wasted no time in getting to the bottom of it. 

“Ellison, Sandburg, my office!” he commanded, although his tone was considerably less belligerent than usual. 

Placing his hand at the small of Blair’s back to usher him gently towards the captain’s office, Jim smiled down into Blair’s mournful and rather anxious eyes. “It’s OK, babe. I’m sure we’ve done nothing wrong, and this is as good a time as any to catch Simon up on what we’ve learned. And it’ll be useful to get his thoughts on how we should proceed, won’t it?” 

Blair nodded a little uncertainly. “I guess so, Jim. But what if he’s dead against us taking this trip? Should we abide by his decision? I just don’t know….” 

“Let’s not cross our bridges before we get to them, babe,” Jim murmured in reply. “However he comes across to you, Simon’s a good man and an intelligent and capable leader, and he cares about his team, and that includes you, babe, believe it or not!” 

“If you say so, man,” Blair replied diffidently, plainly unconvinced, but not about to argue. Then he visibly braced himself and straightened up as they entered their boss’ domain, and offered the big captain a polite smile as he and Jim seated themselves in the chairs Simon indicated. 

“Coffee?” Simon asked, waving his hand towards his personal coffee machine. “You both look as if you could do with some of the good stuff, and this blend’s pretty decent.” 

When both men nodded and murmured their thanks, he busied himself with pouring three mugs, taking the opportunity to surreptitiously study his visitors as he did so. 

Although Jim hadn’t been in his unit all that long, Simon fancied that he knew the man fairly well by now anyway, having paid particular attention to his past military record and his impressive achievements as both an unbonded, and then a bonded sentinel. Ever since he had started working in MCU, his results had been little short of astounding, especially when backed up by his loyal, if still relatively untried guide. Untried in a police environment, that was, although he was most definitely coming on in leaps and bounds every day. 

But whereas Simon discovered that Jim could be obstinate, taciturn and frequently short-tempered, he was also a man of great courage and honesty, and to see him this stressed set off all Simon’s internal alarms. Plainly in full BPS or ‘Blessed Protector Syndrome’ mode as some might call it, Jim’s jaw was tight, the straining muscles twitching sporadically in his cheek, and his eyes were hard and uncompromising. However, the glances he sent to his young partner were nothing but caring and understanding, and the hand he placed on the smaller man’s shoulder was solicitous and comforting. 

As for Sandburg, the kid looked as if he’d been through the wringer, maybe more than once. Simon was absolutely certain that it wasn’t Jim’s doing, but there was definitely something that had rattled the kid’s cage, and rattled it badly if his distracted and fragile air was any indication. Of course, Simon knew all about Sandburg’s abuse after his conscription, and genuinely sympathised with the young man, even as he reluctantly admired the fortitude with which the kid had endured his more or less forced bonding. But in the grander scheme of things, both Jim and Blair had succeeded in creating not just a working bond, but the real deal, their love and total commitment such that they were a true force to be reckoned with in virtually any situation. Something which Simon knew he had cause to be grateful for, for sure, even as a secret part of him envied it. 

But now it looked as though the pair needed an understanding ear, and Simon decided then and there that it was up to him to do the honours and provide it. 

Distributing the mugs of fragrant coffee, he took his seat behind his desk and quietly observed his men, allowing them a little time to get themselves together as they sipped and obviously enjoyed their beverages. 

Now Simon freely acknowledged that as a captain, it was his responsibility to tackle any personnel issues that could impinge on the efficiency of his unit, but in this case, it was also because he genuinely cared for the two men for themselves. Although Ellison had earned his respect virtually from the moment he joined the department, Simon had also come to like the guy for his dry humour and forthright, level-headed outlook, and not least for his protective and caring attitude towards his guide. 

And that was another surprise, because Simon would have been the first to admit that he had been sceptical about what contribution a young and somewhat damaged empath like Sandburg could offer, even though they came as a matched pair. But again, he had been impressed by the young man’s energy, focus and innate gentleness and generosity, and not least by his competence in the IT department. He was suddenly aware that that his fondness for the kid had grown almost unnoticed by him, as had his own protective attitude until he almost regarded Sandburg as a second son. Who knew? 

And with him at Ellison’s side, they were indeed a force to be reckoned with and the envy of other departments for sure. 

Setting down his mug, he sat back in his seat and rested his chin on his folded hands, gazing speculatively at the pair for a moment. Ellison’s jaw, if anything, clenched even more tightly, and Sandburg suddenly looked ready to either bolt or surrender to an almighty panic attack which only his trust in and love for his sentinel kept at bay. 

“You know, for men who should be looking forward to a long weekend away, you’re looking remarkably edgy. Is there something I need to know?” he began mildly. 

For a fraught moment, Ellison looked as if he wanted to explode into aggression, and Simon was sure he heard something akin to the growl of a big cat rumbling deep in the man’s chest, but a gentle touch to his forearm by an anxious guide calmed him instantly. “Sorry, sir,” he replied somewhat shame-facedly. “You could definitely call us stressed,” he continued with a wry grimace, and then proceeded to give his boss a succinct description of the nature of their visitors the previous evening, and the information they had passed on. 

While Simon knew about Sandburg’s abuse in general terms, he didn’t want or need to hear any details, even if they were offered. Right now, the kid’s whole demeanour screamed fear and unwarranted shame, and he certainly didn’t need to reveal anything more than was necessary. It was blatantly obvious that he took the threat of a revenge attack by this Murphy character very seriously, and even though Simon personally considered it a remote possibility at best, the last thing he wanted was for the pair to think he didn’t take their welfare any less seriously. 

“So, this Dermot Murphy got away with a dishonourable discharge, huh? No wonder you guys were so determined to get your campaign underway. And I have to say that I’m extremely proud of your success. You deserve all the kudos you’re due, and I had hoped that after yesterday’s announcement, you’d be looking forward to your break even more. But I actually agree with your contention that you shouldn’t allow even a threat such as this to curtail your lifestyle and activities. To be permanently looking over your shoulders isn’t a healthy existence, although there’s no harm in taking sensible precautions. So, I have a suggestion for a compromise. Instead of a camping trip, how about you use my fishing cabin for the weekend? It’s not quite as isolated or insubstantial as being under canvas in the middle of nowhere, but it is close to a great fishing hole. It’s nothing luxurious, but it has the basics, and I’d actually like it to be used. I don’t get there anything like as often as I’d like to since my divorce, especially as my son Daryl doesn’t like fishing anyway, and I was actually considering selling it. What do you say?” 

Jim and Blair exchanged a speaking glance, during which Simon was sure that they communicated tacitly far more effectively than most folks would vocally. And when they turned back to face him again, the gratitude and relief on both faces touched him deeply. 

“Thanks, sir. Simon. That’s really generous of you. We’d love to take you up on it, because you’re right. Blair does need the break, and it offers a greater level of protection just in case. But as you say, who knows when or even if Murphy might crawl out of the woodwork? For all we know, he might not even be in the State, but doing construction in Texas or some such. So yes, we’ll take the opportunity to relax as much as possible, and will check in with you as soon as we return on Sunday night, OK?” 

Simon nodded. “Works for me, Jim, Blair. But make sure you _do_ call me, otherwise I’ll be sending out the cavalry, OK?” he added threateningly, pointing an admonishing finger at them. 

Finally allowing a brief grin to break out, Blair snickered a little as he spoke freely for the first time. “You got it, sir. And you know that if Jim says he’ll call at a certain time, it’ll be on the dot, don’t you?” 

“Hey, you calling me anal?” Jim snarked, pleased beyond all measure to see a lightening of his guide’s spirits, however small. And when Simon joined in with the somewhat restrained laughter, there was even the suggestion of the young man’s usual sparkle in his wide blue eyes. 

Mentally high-fiving himself for the successful outcome of his meeting, Simon stood to usher them out, but not before reaching into his desk drawer to retrieve the keys to his lodge and a written sheet of directions. “There you go, Jim,” he said gruffly, uncomfortable now with the emotion he could see in Blair’s soft expression. “As soon as your desk’s cleared, you might as well take off. 

“Enjoy your weekend, and _don’t_ forget to call me Sunday night. No later than 1900 hours, got it?” 

“You got it, sir, and thanks again!” Jim replied, and with that, he gently encouraged Blair to precede him from the office, making their way over to his own desk, both of them decidedly more upbeat than when they arrived. Job done.  


\------------------------  


**Early evening, Simon’s cabin, Cascade National Forest:**  


“Wow, this is really cool!” Blair breathed, gazing around him appreciatively as he jumped down from Jim’s truck. His sentinel’s old red jeep had been replaced recently by a blue and white classic F150, which the older man had christened ‘Sweetheart’, and was, he admitted second only in his affections to his beloved guide. And Blair was hardly going to mock it, as his own mode of transport was an elderly classic Volvo, although he hadn’t actually named it. 

“Yep, sure is, babe,” Jim agreed as he joined his lover, throwing a companionable arm around the young man’s shoulders as they both took in their surroundings. Simon’s cabin was rustic and compact, but sturdily built and well maintained. Standing in a small forest clearing at the end of a winding, gravelled track, it was far enough away from the National Park’s main access road system to give the impression of seclusion without being inaccessible or too isolated in the event of trouble of any kind. And best of all in both men’s opinion, it backed onto a small but picturesque lake, which, if Simon’s boast was anything to go by, was filled with good-sized trout as well as other coarse fish varieties. 

“It’s really lovely, Jim,” Blair murmured, tearing his eyes away from the view to gaze up into his lover’s face. “What a shame Simon can’t get out here more often. I think that, if we ever had a place like this, I’d be wanting to visit every weekend!” 

Jim grinned fondly down into his guide’s beautiful blue eyes, glad to see uncomplicated happiness replacing his recent anxiety for a while, at least. “I agree, Chief,” he replied, affectionately ruffling Blair’s curls. “Already I can feel my senses appreciating the freshness away from the sounds and smells of the city. And I want to sample Simon’s promise of great fishing as soon as. What do you think?” 

“I think that’s a great idea, Jim. Come on, let’s get unpacked really quickly, and then check out the lake. We still have a few hours’ daylight left, and we might as well make the most of it.” 

So saying, they set about unloading their supplies from the truck, greatly impressed with the interior of the cabin when they entered. Minimal, to be sure, but cosy for all that, with two good sized, sturdy cots to one side, a pot-bellied wood burning stove and a basic kitchen area. The dining facilities consisted of a small wooden table and two chairs tucked in the far corner of the kitchen; but by a window with a stunning view over the lake; and a couple of elderly, overstuffed armchairs were placed in front of the stove. Other needs were dealt with in an outhouse out back, and washing facilities appeared to be a washstand out on the deck to the rear of the property, making use of the clear water from the lake itself. There was already a sizable stack of cut wood under a tarpaulin, should they need it later at night, and there was a full can of paraffin for the Coleman’s stove in the kitchen, unless they chose to use the BBQ also out on the deck. All in all it had everything they needed, and more, and by the time they had unpacked their few supplies, it looked positively homely. 

Shortly afterwards they were to be found on the edge of the lake, where Jim was patiently giving his guide his first lessons in fly fishing. Unsurprisingly, Blair soon picked up the basics, and they fished in companionable silence for a while, thoroughly enjoying the peace and tranquillity of their surroundings. It would have been perfect if it hadn’t been for the niggling worry at the back of both their minds, but Blair was confident that his sentinel would quickly detect any untoward activity. 

Of course, Blair was also concerned that it meant that the sentinel wouldn’t be able to relax as much as they had both hoped, and he was deeply regretful and resentful of that, but as Jim had already said, at least they were in a great location, and he would have been maintaining a state of constant alertness back in the loft anyway. 

Just then, Blair was distracted by a tug on his line, and he glanced over at Jim, excitement flushing his face. “Jim, man! I felt something! What do I do now?” 

Laughing delightedly, Jim put down his own rod and came over to help his giggling partner land the fish, which turned out to be a very good sized trout. “Can we keep it?” Blair asked. “It’s not catch and release is it?” 

“No, babe, it’s not,” laughed Jim. “Well done, kiddo. Looks like we have supper!” 

And so they did.  


\---------------------------  


The following morning, both men ate an early but leisurely breakfast, intending to make the most of their precious down-time. Despite being subconsciously on the alert for anything even vaguely out of the ordinary, Jim had had a surprisingly good night’s sleep after all, which was mainly due to being able to thoroughly enjoy the warm bundle of guide in his arms. Without background traffic noise and the city’s pollutants to distract him, he could indulge his senses to their fullest extent in both his lover’s person and the fresh, woodland scents and normal nocturnal animal sounds. It was indeed a veritable sensory treat, and he felt all the better for it. He supposed that this must be how indigenous tribal sentinels must feel all the time in forest and jungle environments, and to his mind the natural setting made his use of the senses less onerous and more instinctive than when constantly barraged by the often nauseating residues of so-called urban civilisation. 

As for Blair, he had also slept well, thanks to the utter faith he had in Jim’s ability to keep them both safe. Wrapped in Jim’s arms, he felt cherished and protected; enough to be able to push his demons firmly back into their box for the time being. After all, his lover represented the very highest quality early warning system available, and he knew it. They had made up for the previous night’s distress and wakefulness by making slow and passionate love virtually beneath the stars, having left the shutters open to the night sky so that they could enjoy the clear celestial magnificence wheeling above them. And lying sated and well-loved in Jim’s arms in the lazy aftermath, Blair decided that whatever the future may hold, he would remember and cherish this perfect night with fondness for the rest of his life. 

Draining the last of his morning coffee, Blair put down his mug and regarded his big lover thoughtfully. “Are you sure you’re OK with this, man?” he asked a little worriedly. “I mean, I had a great night’s sleep despite everything, thanks to you, but what about you? Be honest, Jim, because if you want to head back to Cascade earlier than planned, I won’t complain.” 

Shaking his head in fond exasperation, Jim chuckled, “Oh, Chief! You should know better than that. What does our link tell you? I’m far more relaxed than I ever expected to be, and you shouldn’t be worried on that account, OK? Out here, in such a peaceful location, using the senses feels so natural, especially as I have you to rely on to ground me. I doubt if I’d have as good a night’s rest even locked up safely in the loft. And it’s not as if I’m unarmed either. So no, I don’t want to go back early. I want to make the most of this time together. And I’ll even agree to some testing if it’ll make you happy!” and Blair just had to snicker at that. 

“OK, OK, lover! I get it. And I’m glad you’re enjoying this as much as I am. I just worry that you’re not able to completely let go even with me here to watch you. If anything – any _one_ \- did try and creep up on us, I wouldn’t be able to warn you in time,” he finished ruefully. 

Jim reached over and pulled the smaller man into a hug. “You’re doing fine just by being here with me, babe,” he murmured. “We both needed this, and I for one want to explore a bit more, so how about we do a bit of hiking, then chill out with some more fishing? That trout you caught yesterday was delicious, and I’d quite like to have it again, want to?” 

Blair nodded eagerly at that, his trust in Jim absolute. “Oh, yeah, lover! That sounds like a plan I can get behind!” and he reached up to pull Jim’s head down for a kiss, which Jim was hardly going to deny him.  


\-------------------------  


Shortly afterwards they were hiking up a reasonably well-defined trail that led up to the high ground overlooking the lake. With Blair beside him to ground him, Jim practised extending his senses of sight, smell and hearing as far as he could, revelling in the ease with which he could control them, and also at just how far his range actually was under these almost perfect conditions. He described his feelings and his actions to Blair in detail, happy to see the excitement and pride in his guide’s shining eyes, his heart swelling with affection at the overt evidence of the young man’s unconditional love for him. 

In answer to Blair’s query as to what he could hear, he reassured his guide that the only sounds of human activity were from several miles away and heading in the opposite direction anyway. They came from what sounded to Jim like a party of Boy Scouts or some such on a route march. Other than that, it was just the sounds of nature, although there was the occasional distant hum of some vehicle or other heading towards the park’s more popular trail heads and camping areas. 

As far as Jim’s sight was concerned, he was quietly thrilled at being able to see so many creatures so clearly, and couldn’t hide the wonder in his tone as he described the colour of the individual feathers on a hawk soaring overhead, and the entrancing vision of a deer with a new-born fawn at her side hiding in the undergrowth at the far side of the lake. 

Blair lapped it all up, so proud of his sentinel lover, and yet humbled to be of some use as part of this incredible man’s ability even if just through his grounding physical presence. Still unwilling or unable to comprehend the true scope of his own worth, he simply admired Jim’s skill, genuinely grateful to share vicariously in the other man’s sensory experiences. 

Reaching the top of the low plateau, they ate their lunchtime sandwiches looking down on the lake, its waters sparkling in the sunlight. Simon’s cabin was below them on the opposite bank, and Blair remarked on its choice position. 

“I wonder how long Simon’s had it?” he mused. “I hope he doesn’t have to sell it. If I had somewhere like that, I don’t think I’d ever want to part with it!” 

Jim nodded and murmured noncommittally, but was actually thinking to himself that, should his boss ever want to sell, he’d offer to buy it. It was indeed the perfect place for them to relax in, and seeing how much Blair loved it already, it would please Jim no end to be able to acquire it for both of their future enjoyment. But he had no intention of mentioning his idea to Blair yet, as the place wasn’t up for sale yet anyway, and he didn’t want to build up his guide’s hopes too soon. 

Packing away their trash, they headed back down the trail to the cabin, intending to spend the rest of the afternoon fishing and just hanging out together. The weather had been kind to them so far, and according to Jim’s organic barometer, would stay that way until at least the following afternoon, by which time they’d be on their way back to Cascade anyway. 

All in all, it turned out to be an almost perfect if brief getaway for the pair, and they returned to the loft feeling far more refreshed than they had initially expected. After checking in with Simon as promised, on the dot of 1900 hours, they unpacked their gear and put a load of washing on, finally settling down on the sofa with a mutual sigh of contentment. 

To be sure, they hadn’t dismissed the possibility of Murphy’s threat, but it had receded somewhat, and both men privately hoped that perhaps their fears might not be realised after all. 

And wasn’t it always the case that such hopes would inevitably be dashed?<


	4. A Simmering Resentment

**Chapter 4: A Simmering Resentment:**  


Ex-Sergeant Dermot Murphy was in a foul mood as he wiped down the messy counter top before him. He was sick of working this shithole of a dump on the outskirts of Reno, which had the nerve to call itself a casino bar. As far as he was concerned, the ‘Silver Dollar Bar and Casino’ was just a run-down dive habitually used by losers and winos, the only patrons worthy of his interest being fellow bikers who invaded it twice weekly on Tuesdays and Saturdays after their Chapter meetings. But unfortunately, it was the only work he could get around here; a cross between bouncer and barman; and he hated it even if he was grateful for the money. It had been the same everywhere, ever since he had been dishonourably discharged from the service he had loved long months ago now. One of a series of dead-end temporary jobs, since no respectable company would consider employing him in a decent role once they found out just why he had been sent packing in disgrace. And somehow they always did manage to find out. _Jesus, Joseph and Mary!_ he cursed inwardly, his expression hardening into a fierce scowl. _Why the fuck should they care about me having a little fun with a few punk-ass, draftee guides? It’s not as if they’re of any use other than fuck-toys anyway. It just wasn’t fair!_

Dermot considered himself extremely hard-done by, and he knew just who he had to blame for that. That fucking pretty boy Guide Sandburg. Useless little prick. Murphy had thoroughly enjoyed subjugating that little smartass, because for sure the kid had an incredible mouth on him. Best blow jobs Murphy had ever enjoyed, and he had had plenty of previous experience. And then he had to go and get issued to Sentinel Captain Jim Ellison. Who’d have thought that Ellison would turn out to be such a fucking Boy Scout? Between them, they had gone after Murphy and succeeded in getting him discharged. And it gave him no satisfaction that he had actually gotten off very lightly, thanks to the intervention of his CO at the time, Colonel Masefield. So he might have been sent down to do hard labour at Leavenworth. So what? The charges were trumped up anyway, so either way he reckoned he should have escaped any sort of punishment. After all his years of loyal service to his country, dammit! 

And then Masefield ended up being dismissed from his post also. Again, because of the actions of that damned interfering sentinel and guide combination. Not only that, but even worse was to come when Murphy’s good buddies, Sgt Mitch Brannigan and Cpl Jack Wylowski actually were sent to Leavenworth to serve twenty five to life for taking things into their own hands and trying to do away with the smug bastards themselves. It was pure bad luck in Dermot’s view that Sandburg had been able to push his sentinel out of the way of Brannigan’s jeep, but at least he didn’t get off scot free. Pity the little shit hadn’t been crippled for life. Wouldn’t be any good to his sentinel then, would he? Probably still good for fucking, though. Wouldn’t have to get out of bed for that. 

But by far the worst thing, in the aggrieved Murphy’s opinion, was what the self-righteous bastards had achieved since they left the service. It was like rubbing salt into already raw wounds as far as the angry man was concerned. He could hardly believe his eyes and ears when he saw them on the TV, spearheading a campaign to repeal the Guide Conscription Law, and actually succeeding. _Holy Mary, how could that have happened? Was the whole country gone mad?_

He had been so infuriated when the announcement was made just last week, that he had jumped astride his beloved hog and ridden out into the desert for long hours to try and calm himself down a little. It was either that, or start his own fight in the bar, the urge to smash glasses, furniture and faces almost overwhelming. 

By the time he returned, he had gotten past the stage of wanting to break things for the sake of it, but his resolve to get vengeance had hardened into a cold and deadly purpose. He didn’t know how he was going to achieve it yet, because he had no intention of suffering the consequences of being caught in the act, but he would have his revenge. No doubt about it. Those two were going to find out the hard way their error in going after Dermot Murphy. Yessiree. 

As it was time for his break before the evening shift began in earnest, he took a beer outside and sat out front beneath the sleazy establishment’s flickering neon sign, looking out over the crumbling concrete parking lot toward the distant mountains. For once, he actually took notice of the stunning backdrop caused by the setting sun, moved despite himself to grudgingly appreciate the view, and found himself contemplating his life thus far. 

Thinking back to his childhood growing up in a New York tenement, this was certainly an improvement as far as the scenery was concerned. The youngest of four children, his three older siblings were all girls, his devout Catholic Mam determined to keep trying until she had provided her spouse with the son and heir he so desired. And then Da had gone and got himself killed in a freak accident at the docks where he had worked like his Da and Grandda before him, during the unloading of a container ship. His Ma had been beside herself with grief, and it was only the support of her brother, Uncle Patrick and his family that had helped her keep going. Uncle Pat was an NYPD cop, and for a while became young Dermot’s hero, although that didn’t last. 

Murphy knew that his eldest sister Bren was the brightest of the children, and she had gone on to become a nurse. Bridie, the middle girl, had delighted her Mam by becoming a nun. However, Siobhan, the youngest daughter, had gotten pregnant while still at school, to her Mam’s deepest shame, and although Uncle Pat and his cop cronies had ‘persuaded’ the father of her child to marry her, it was hardly a successful outcome in Dermot’s eyes. Siobhan worked every hour she could at a diner to keep a roof over her small family’s heads, while her useless POS of a partner skipped from one dead-end job to another, and drank himself stupid in between times. With such examples before his eyes, it was hardly surprising that Dermot had passed on becoming an NYPD cop, wanting to see the world beyond the city, and as soon as he legally could, he left school and walked into the nearest Army Recruitment Centre, and never looked back. 

He had taken to the military life like a duck to water, and for years it had fulfilled his every expectation. He had indeed served his country well, climbing the ranks and even being decorated for his courage in the field, but somewhere along the way he had lost something vital in his personality. Although he remained determinedly loyal to the service and to those who he counted as comrades and friends, his morality had slipped until a deeply hidden, brutish part of his character had emerged. With his success had come arrogance and pride, and by the time he had moulded himself into a highly valued member of the Guide Recruitment training unit at Ft Findlayson, he had become a self-serving bully and sexual predator. 

He had fondly assumed that such a comfortable and satisfactory state of affairs would have lasted him for the duration of his enlistment, but he had reckoned without the disturbing influence of one particular draftee guide. Blair Sandburg had entranced him with both his physical beauty and his spirit such that Murphy had felt himself driven to break the young man to his desires. And because of that, he had made the unforgivably stupid mistake of branding the kid’s ass with a hot poker. Even the CO hadn’t been able to overlook such evidence of physical abuse, and that, coupled with the pressure from Sandburg’s new sentinel, Captain Ellison, meant that Murphy had stood no chance. 

So here he was, virtually unemployable, and just because he had made one mistake. It really, _really_ wasn’t fair. 

Taking a large swig of his beer, Murphy frowned again as he recalled arriving at his family home after his discharge. His Mam had made no effort to hide her disgust and shame at his so-called crimes, and he hadn’t even stayed for the night before walking out again, this time swearing never to return. He had sunk every last penny of his savings into the purchase of a Harley Davidson bike, and had taken to the road, determined to find some semblance of a worthwhile life wherever he could. 

But unfortunately he found that his reputation dogged his footsteps wherever he went, and the only ‘friends’ he found were from within the ranks of other bikers such as himself, living pretty much outside the law and decent society. 

He supposed that it could have been worse in one respect. He was big, tough and vicious, so he soon earned a reputation as a top dog in whatever group he took up with, but it wasn’t much compensation for what he had left behind. All he could look forward to was an endless parade of shitty jobs like the one he presently held, and probably a violent death not too far down the road once his speed and strength began to desert him. It wasn’t very inviting a future, to be sure. 

But he could face it with much greater equanimity if he knew he had taken his revenge once and for all on the little shit who had instigated his downfall, and that thought brought an evil grin to his lips. 

Perhaps it was time to move on after all. And this time his destination would be Cascade, WA.  



	5. And Life Goes On

**Chapter 5: And Life Goes On:**  


**MCU Bullpen, Monday morning:**  


A much happier and more relaxed Jim and Blair entered the bullpen on Monday morning, having thoroughly enjoyed their weekend away. They had so much appreciated Simon’s generous offer of his cabin, and had been sure to catch a few nice trout for him, which they had brought home in a cooler and frozen, hoping that he would enjoy the treat. Looking around them, they saw that most of the desks were occupied already, and both men were pleased to see H sitting there, although he didn’t look quite his usual ebullient self. 

Moving over to address him, Blair asked solicitously after his health. “You OK now, man? How have you been?” 

H offered him a wry grin. “Not so bad now, Hairboy,” he chuckled ruefully, “I got some sort of tummy bug off my nephew, and couldn’t get off the john for two days! Think I lost a few pounds though.” 

“TMI, H, TMI!” Jim snickered, patting the younger detective’s shoulder. “But I’m glad to see you back. It’s been really quiet without you and Rafe to entertain us!” 

H’s usual dapper partner laughed as he looked over from his own desk. “Yeah, but I could have done without attending that conference though. It was really boring. About dealing with victims of hate crimes. Not that it’s not important,” he hastened to add when it looked as if his listeners were about to comment, “but Blair’s in-house seminars are much more interesting and useful as far as I’m concerned. He gets the point over so much better.” 

Blair grinned a little abashedly at that. “Thanks, man, that’s good of you to say,” he murmured quietly as Jim squeezed his shoulder supportively. “It’s nice to know that my efforts aren’t being wasted!” 

“Not at all, Hairboy,” H concurred. “But I hear you two have had a bit of success yourselves, huh? Congratulations, guys, on the repeal of that Guide law. You worked hard for it, and you deserved to win.” 

Both men grinned happily at that. “Thanks, H. Yeah, it was a great result, but we couldn’t have done it without the support we’ve received from so many ordinary folks,” Jim replied. “It doesn’t make up for Blair’s abuse,” he added seriously, casting a sympathetic glance at his lover, “but at least we know now that it can’t happen to any other guide.” 

Blair smiled sadly as he also responded. “Thanks, H. Yeah, you’re right. It _was_ a great result, so I’m not complaining. It worked out great for me anyway, so it’s all good.” 

Just then, a bellow from Simon’s office summoned them, and they turned away after offering H and Rafe rueful grins. “See you, guys. Better see what our Lord and Master requires!” Jim snickered sardonically, and they walked over to the office, Jim’s hand in its usual place, resting comfortably at the small of his young guide’s back. 

Glancing down to meet Blair’s inquisitive gaze, Jim murmured, “He’s not alone, babe. And it’s not someone whose scent I recognise. Wonder what he’s letting us in for now?” And he was only half-joking. 

They were soon to find out, and in Jim’s admittedly more cynical opinion at least, it wasn’t anything good.  


\-------------------------  


As they entered the office, the other occupant stood to greet them. Tall, brunette and very attractive, Blair thought inconsequentially that once upon a time, pre-conscription and pre–Jim he might well have been tempted to put the moves on her, older woman or no. But in the next instant he knew that Jim wasn’t impressed for some reason or other, and his empathy warned him to watch for potential fireworks from his sentinel. 

Smiling somewhat fixedly at them all, Simon addressed the pair. “Jim, Blair, you’ll recall that I told you last week that we were expecting a new, temporary recruit to MCU?” 

When Blair looked simply puzzled, and Jim frowned testily, his own smile died on his lips. “You didn’t tell Sandburg, then?” he growled rhetorically, and when Jim shook his head mutely, he sighed in resignation. “OK, guess you had other things on your mind, Ellison. 

“So, anyway, meet Inspector Megan Conner, on an Officer Exchange Programme from New South Wales, Australia. I expect you both to make her feel at home,” he added pointedly. “Inspector Conner, meet Sentinel Detective Jim Ellison and his Guide, Blair Sandburg.” 

While he was speaking, Megan had been watching the pair carefully, her head tilted to one side as she absorbed the suddenly taut atmosphere, but too strong a character to let it bother her unduly. 

Offering them both a wide grin, she held out her hand in greeting, her smile becoming slightly sardonic when Jim grasped hers briefly with an almost indecipherable grunt, which she took to be a grudging word of welcome. Not to be quelled, she grinned at him knowingly. “So, Jimbo, you’re MCU’s resident sentinel, huh? Good to meet you, mate. Your captain has told me a lot of good things about you.” Then she turned to Blair, her smile much more appreciative and affable. Taking his outstretched hand in both of hers, she looked down into wide blue eyes. 

“My, my, Sandy, you’re a cute one, aren’t you?” she murmured, her own eyes twinkling with glee. “Jimbo’s real lucky to have a guide like you, I think. My brother Davy’s a sentinel Down Under, although he’s no alpha like Jimbo. I used to help him before he found a guide of his own, so I have a rough idea of what you have to put up with,” and she winked cheekily at him. 

Completely bemused, and blushing under her overt interest in him, Blair chuckled uncertainly as he glanced up into Jim’s thunderous face. 

“Ah, very pleased to meet you, Inspector,” he replied, trying unsuccessfully to free his hand. “Ah, I hope you’ll enjoy your stay here.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I shall, Sandy!” the irrepressible Aussie replied. “I think we’re going to be great friends!” and she completely ignored the low growl that issued from Jim’s throat. 

Realising that he needed to take control of the situation quickly before Ellison’s possessive posturing got out of hand, Simon broke in, using his most authoritative tone. 

“OK, then people. Blair, will you take Inspector Conner on a quick tour of the unit, please. You can give her a run-down on the setup here and then grab a coffee in the break room while I discuss a few things with Jim.” His tone and expression brooked no argument, at least from Blair and Megan, even though Blair looked less than happy with his assignment. 

However, he offered Simon and Jim a slightly pained grin as he nodded his assent, while Megan smiled broadly as she casually took his arm. 

“Thanks, Captain. See you in a bit, Jimbo!” she said blithely, then ushered Blair out of the office and into the bullpen to begin her orientation. 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Simon turned to Jim. “Sit down, Jim,” he growled peremptorily. “And you can stop with the primal sentinel stuff, OK? I can see you’re not happy about letting Sandburg loose with our new recruit, but live with it, all right? They can’t come to any harm in here after all, and I dare say you’ll be listening in to every word they say anyway!” 

Scowling, Jim did as he was bid, although with very ill-grace, having to fight his instinct to track his guide’s progress rather than listen to what his boss had to say. Nevertheless, he did his best to divide his attention between both actions as Simon began to speak. 

“OK, then, Jim. Before we get down to business, I should say that the pair of you look a whole lot better today, so I’m guessing the weekend went well? Sandburg in particular looks pretty much back to normal, despite the scare you both had last week, and I’m glad to see it. And before you ask, no, there hasn’t been any comeback from the BOLO I put out on Murphy yet, so I guess it’s a case of no news being good news, at least for the time being.” 

Despite his distraction, Jim had the decency to appreciate Simon’s words, and nodded stiffly as he replied. “Thanks, sir, that is good news, and yes, we had a great time. Thanks again for the use of the cabin. It’s a great place and a lovely location, and we both enjoyed every minute. 

“And Blair took to fly fishing like a duck to water, so we’ve got some nice trout with your name on them in our freezer,” he added with a hint of a smile. 

Simon grinned at that, obviously pleased. “I’ll look forward to sampling them, Jim, and thank you both for the kind thought. Anyhow,” he continued, his expression growing serious again. “This is what I wanted to discuss with you, so hear me out before you comment, all right?” 

Jim knew instinctively that it wasn’t something he was going to like, so he focussed most of his attention on his captain, prepared to protest if necessary. And he soon found out that he was right on the nail. 

“Right then, Jim, it’s like this,” Simon began. “You’ve met our new exchange officer now, and it was pretty damned obvious that you didn’t like the attention she was paying to Blair. But you’ll just have to get over it, OK? She comes with great references, and I freely admit I was very impressed with her attitude as well as with her performance record from her own force. 

“Thing is, she’s also a low-grade empath, apparently. Not strong enough to guide her own sentinel, but good enough to have been able to help her brother out, like she told you. She at least knows what she’s doing, and what to expect regarding those ‘spikes’ and zone things you guys can suffer from, so I intend to make use of her experience.” 

Jim knew where he was going with this, and was already marshalling his arguments when Simon continued, subjecting his subordinate to his fiercest and most quelling glare. 

“Now before you go off at half-cock, Jim, sit still and hear me out!” he snapped. “There are good reasons for what I’m about to say, so shut up and listen. First off, I think you’re the best detective to show her the ropes around here. Eventually, depending on how long she stays, I’ll probably pair her up with Joel Taggert. He’s experienced, easy-going, and I think they’ll make a great team. But at least temporarily, I want to send her out with you. 

“Now I know you only like working with Blair, and you won’t use your senses in the field unless he’s with you, but now we have Megan on the team, she can stand in for him when he’s busy at the U or the Helpline and such. You’ve said yourself he’s stretching himself to the limit trying to do everything here at the PD and at Rainier as well as backing you up, so what I’m saying is this. Go out with Conner when you don’t really need your true guide; just as a precaution, if you will; so that Blair can have more time to himself to get that dissertation over and done with. 

“Because once it’s done and dusted, and he’s here full-time in whatever capacity, he’ll be under much less stress, won’t he? And then you won’t need a temporary partner anymore. 

“Just think about it, Jim. Think of Blair. The sooner he gets that degree, the sooner you get him here permanently. How about it?” 

Now Jim had been preparing to erupt in furious indignation when Simon began his speech, but now he had pause for thought. The final part of Simon’s argument was by far the most convincing, and Jim realised that there was a lot of truth in it. His own conscience had already told him in no uncertain terms that he had been expecting too much of his guide – hence the weekend away – and what his boss said made a lot of sense, no pun intended. As long as he could convince Blair that he would be quite safe going out with Conner on occasion, knowing how protective the young guide was of him, it would free Blair to spend more time at the U working on his diss. And like Simon said, once he had received that doctorate, he would be able to work at the PD full time, ready and willing to ride with his sentinel whenever he was needed. 

Which of course, as far as his doting partner’s personal preference was concerned, was all the time. 

Huffing out a resigned sigh, he met Simon’s steady gaze. “It’s OK, sir, I’m not going to explode,” he murmured with a self-deprecating grimace. “You’re right insofar as I really, _really_ don’t like the idea of partnering that woman, even temporarily, but you have a point about Blair’s lack of time to himself. It’s true that only he can truly ground me, or bring me out of a zone easily, so there’s no way I’d deliberately use the senses in the field without him anyway. But I guess it makes sense to ride with someone who at least knows the rudiments of guiding, just in case. 

“And with some extra time to spend at the U, I think it won’t be long until he’s ready to submit. He’s done really well already, and I believe he has the first draft completed. His capacity for work is phenomenal, and it’s only right that I try and take the pressure off while I can. 

“So, OK. I know it’s a done deal as far as you’re concerned anyway, boss,” he added with a wry grin, “so I won’t fight you. But she’d better not try and get her claws into Blair if she knows what’s good for her,” he continued, face darkening again. “He’s mine, and I don’t share!” 

Simon nodded at that, not in the least surprised or shocked at the uncompromising declaration. He had already learned that sentinel and guide were pretty much joined at the hip, and although he might not be able to fully comprehend it, he understood that they were literally of one mind also. And two souls joined like that, let no one put asunder. 

Smiling in gratification and no little relief that Jim had recognised the value of his decision, Simon stood and ushered his detective out of the office, a friendly hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Thanks, Jim, for not making this difficult for either of us. I quite realise why you’re not exactly happy with the situation, but I think in the long run it’ll be best for both of you. I care about that young man too, you know, and I only want what’s best for you both. And for the unit, of course!” he added honestly. 

“Go and find your guide, Jim, and do try to make nice with our new Inspector!” 

“As you wish, Simon!” Jim replied sardonically, and with a rueful grin and a shake of his head, he set out for the break room.  


\-------------------------------  


While Simon and Jim were otherwise occupied, Blair began by showing Megan around the bullpen. She had already been introduced to some of the people by Simon on her arrival earlier that morning, but was quite happy for him to introduce her to the others. Blair noted that she generally made a good impression on everyone, her easy-going attitude and friendly greetings bringing smiles to nearly every face, particularly when she made free use of her Strine. Not that Blair believed they understood most of what she said, but it certainly sounded entertaining. 

However, both he and Megan agreed that, since a Grand Tour of the building was out of the question right now, their limited time would be best spent in retreating to the break room to have a coffee while Blair attempted to answer all her questions. He hoped that she might keep to police-related topics, knowing that Jim was most likely listening in, but didn’t really believe it was likely. 

Sitting down opposite Blair, Megan took a sip of her coffee and grimaced. “Bloody hell, Sandy, this stuff’s awful!” she complained. “Is this the usual swill, or are we just unlucky?” 

Blair couldn’t help but giggle, liking her forthright manner as much as her amiability. “Um, yeah, this is pretty much as good as it gets,” he replied with a wry smirk. “You sort of get used to it after a while, except for Jim, that is. He doesn’t suffer the same as us lesser mortals, because he just dials down his sense of taste!” And then he could have kicked himself for introducing the very topic he had hoped to avoid. 

And of course she leaned forward eagerly, keen to pursue the subject, especially as she had really taken to her young companion. 

“Look, Sandy,” she began earnestly. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, mate. I really didn’t mean to, but I admit it was pretty bonzer winding Jimbo up like that. I mean, seriously, I really admire guys like him, alpha sentinels and all. I love my brother Davy, and would do anything to make his life easier. So I sort of know how you must feel about Jimbo. But he was just so into that growly, protective / possessive thing I couldn’t resist! 

“But please believe me that I won’t do anything to get between you two. I know better than that, even though I wouldn’t have minded a bit of ‘how’s your father’ between us, you know? You’re a beautiful guy, Sandy, but you’re totally committed and I get that. I just hope that we can be real friends, because I can honestly say that I can ‘feel’ your innate goodness, love.” 

Blair was blushing bright red by the time she paused for breath, but he couldn’t quench the twinkle in his eyes as he met her steady gaze. “Thanks, Megan. For explaining your reactions to me. I know you must realise that Jim means everything to me, and always will do for as long as we live. And because of that, I know that Jim will accept you also, although with maybe a bit of encouragement! 

“Seriously, I hope you do enjoy your time here, and I’d like it very much if we can be friends. I’ll do everything I can to help you settle in, and if there’s anything you need to know, if I can’t help, then I’ll find someone who can!” 

At that point, Jim entered the room, and Blair was relieved to see that his lover was actually smiling at the pair of them. 

“Well said, babe,” he murmured, reaching out to squeeze Blair’s shoulder affectionately. Then, turning his attention to Megan, he regarded her quizzically for a moment before saying, “Well then, Conner. Seeing as we’re going to have to get to know each other, do you have plans for tonight? Because if not, I’m guessing that Blair wouldn’t complain if you came around to us for dinner. What do you say?” 

And as he had hoped, both his lover and Megan smiled brilliantly at him. 

“Wow, Jimbo! Too right I don’t have anything planned. Can I bring something? Beer? Dessert?” 

“Just yourself this time, Megan. But in future, we’ll play it by ear, OK?” he replied with a grin. 

And as Blair looked on in approval, she stood and held out her hand again to Jim. “No worries, Jimbo. I’m looking forward to it already!”  



	6. A Disturbance in the Force

p> **Chapter 6: A Disturbance in the Force:**  


Over the next few weeks, Jim and Blair fell into a new routine, although it wasn’t without its share of anxiety and bumps along the way. Blair was understandably worried about Jim going out in the field without him, even though he knew that Megan would do her best to look out for him when necessary. However, although her presence was nothing like as grounding as Blair’s, Jim found that she did a pretty good job as long as he didn’t attempt to use the senses too much, so Blair was reassured on that point at least. 

As for Jim, he found to his surprise that although the ebullient Aussie frequently irritated the crap out of him, he soon realised that she was every bit as competent a cop as her file suggested that she was, and he was glad to have her at his back, knowing that she was completely trustworthy. And since she had an enormous soft spot for Blair, how could he not accept her as a real friend and colleague? 

On the other hand, Jim was desperately concerned about Blair returning to Rainier on his own, and even though he accepted that it was the only way his guide would get to complete his diss within a reasonable timescale, he only agreed on condition that the young man promised to never be alone at any point, and kept his cell phone on and charged at all times so that Jim could call him at set intervals to check up on him. Although Blair pretended to be exasperated by what he called Jim’s ‘Mother Hen mode’, he was actually more than happy to comply with Jim’s demands, knowing that his lover only had his wellbeing at heart, and his own anxiety was enough to make him do so anyway. 

However, one thing they hadn’t considered at first was the length of time they could safely be apart before needing physical reconnection. Although they had practised being separated for reasonable periods on occasion ever since their bonding, simply to ensure that they could survive individually for a while when necessary, they had never really pushed it, and it wasn’t too long before they found out the hard way just how long they could comfortably cope.  


\--------------------------  


One evening, when Jim and Megan were on a protracted stakeout down at the docks, Jim suddenly realised that all was not well. What he was later to refer to somewhat dryly as a ‘disturbance in the Force’ turned out to be nothing less than his lover’s mental cry for help. 

He had only agreed to take part in the operation partnered with Megan rather than Blair because Blair had had an important meeting scheduled with Eli and his diss committee, after which he intended to return to the loft to put in some more hours working on his paper in a safe environment. Because of Megan’s grounding influence, it took rather longer than he would have expected for Jim’s senses to begin to slip out of control, until a sudden spike of pain in his skull alerted him to the fact that his guide was suffering too. The empath was clearly in serious trouble, and Jim himself was in no condition to drive, so Megan took control of the situation. Quickly reporting in to the PD, she took the wheel of the unmarked vehicle they were using, and sped back to 852 Prospect with lights and sirens going; something that was pretty damned frightening in itself in retrospect; but they arrived safely anyway. By that time, Jim’s senses were cutting in and out erratically and he was in a bad way, so she helped him get up to #307. Luckily, the temperamental elevator was working for once, or she would have had her work cut out to get him up the stairs, but they opened the door to the awful sight of Blair curled up on the floor in a tiny ball of pure misery, his arms wrapped around his head as he tried vainly to shut out the surging external emotions beating relentlessly against his consciousness; his mental barriers completely gone. 

Staggering over to his lover, Jim scooped the smaller man into his arms and carried him over to the nearest sofa. With Megan standing guard over them, they wrapped themselves around each other, desperately reconnecting and exchanging mutual support and comfort. Jim was able to rebuild his guide’s empathic shields, while Blair’s beloved presence settled his senses once again, but once their link was re-established and Blair slept in his arms, Jim knew that they must never again misjudge their time apart. 

Belatedly realising that Megan was still watching over them worriedly, he had offered her a grateful smile. “Thanks, Megs. For getting me back here in one piece, and for your support. I gotta say that your driving is something else, but I truly appreciate your getting me back here to Blair so quickly. He was in a really bad way, and I never want to see him like that again.” 

Grinning in relief at last, Megan got to her feet. “No worries, Jim. It was the least I could do,” she murmured, then her pretty face clouded with concern again as she studied her sleeping friend. Blair’s face was relaxed now, but still bore a few signs of the severe pain in which he had been, accentuated by his unnatural pallor. “I hope Sandy’ll be OK now,” she continued softly. “He’s such a good mate, and a good man. You’re a lucky fella, Jim, but then, so’s he. You two belong together for sure. Davy would call you ‘soulmates’,” she added somewhat wistfully. 

“Anyhow,” she said briskly, all business again. “I’ll leave you two alone now, and get back to the PD. I’ll prepare our report for Simon, and check out what’s happening down at the docks, if anything. And I’ll call you in the morning to see how you’re doing, OK? I don’t expect to see either of you until much later, all right?” and she pointed an admonishing finger at him. 

“Yes, ma’am!” Jim replied with a grin. “Thanks again, Megs,” he added sincerely, “and we’ll see you tomorrow. Sometime!” 

After she had let herself out, Jim had carried his drowsy partner upstairs to bed, there to complete their full bond with the most exquisitely gentle and satisfying lovemaking; both men so attuned to each other that they were as one once more.  


\-----------------------  


After that traumatic experience, Jim and Blair were ultra-careful to monitor their thoughts and feelings whilst apart for anything that seemed even remotely odd or unsettling, to ensure that it never happen again. On the other hand, as time went on, the lack of any sign of a threat from Murphy, or indeed of the man himself meant that inevitably they and their colleagues began to be lulled into a false sense of security. Simon was of the opinion that the report of a revenge attack was just so much hot air from a disgruntled but essentially powerless blowhard, and as time went on, more of their friends and acquaintances began to believe that was the case. 

Having said that, Jim and Blair themselves still maintained a certain level of vigilance, although as was so often the case under such vague and unpredictable circumstances, ultimately it was to prove to be ineffectual after all.  



	7. Plans and Punishment

**Chapter 7: Plans and Punishment:**  


Unfortunately for sentinel and guide, the fact that there had been no activity for some while regarding Murphy’s threat wasn’t because the man was any less determined to take his revenge, but simply a matter of planning and logistics on his part. With limited resources, Murphy was forced to bide his time and make the most of what contacts he still had in order to get himself set up in and around Cascade. 

As far as his appearance was concerned, he was pretty certain he wouldn’t be easily recognisable now, so he wasn’t overly worried on that account. Although his size and physique were still impressive, seeing as his rough and ready lifestyle now required that he keep himself in good shape for sheer self-preservation, his clean-shaven face and military buzz cut were things of the past. He now sported a full, rather unkempt beard and moustache, and his hair had grown out such that he could now scrape back the greying, greasy locks into a short, straggly ponytail at his nape. His attire these days included wraparound shades, a bandana tied around his brow to keep the sweat from his eyes, scuffed biker boots and leathers, and when doing bar work, a tight black tee and leather vest that showed off his bulging muscles. All in all, the intended impression was one of a man you wouldn’t want to deliberately cross swords with, and it certainly worked for the most part. 

There was also the question of his new identity, as he had ceased calling himself by his given name for some while now. Since the only jobs he had managed to get since his discharge were of the temporary, cash-in-hand variety, he had no need to provide a Social Security Number or references any more than he needed to give his proper name. And the name he did choose to provide was something of a bitter joke as far as he was concerned. He now called himself ‘Mad Mick’ Murphy, simply because it pleased him to do so. 

Not long after he had taken to the road after leaving New York for the last time, he had gotten into a bar fight in a sleazy biker joint, and had managed to single-handedly break up a brawl between a couple of guys he’d just befriended and some pretty rough characters from a rival gang. Still pumped with macho aggression and grim pride at his victory, he had smirked when he heard one of his bruised and bloodied adversaries refer to him as ‘that mad Mick’, probably intended as a slur against his Irish heritage. But Murphy chose to interpret it as a backhanded compliment, and had called himself that ever since. 

So now although ‘Mad Mick’ aka Dermot Murphy was ready and eager to set out on his path for vengeance, it was proving to be more difficult than he had expected. There was no problem in handing in his notice, because he was sick of The Silver Dollar anyhow, and if he had wanted, he could have just grabbed his few belongings from the cheap and shabby motel room he rented by the week, climbed astride his hog and set off immediately for Washington State. However, he wasn’t a stupid man, and his army career had taught him to prepare properly for action, so that was what he was going to do. It wasn’t good enough just to turn up in Cascade and expect to carry out his attack without careful planning and some sort of local backup, and that was where the problem lay. 

It had taken longer than he wanted, but eventually he had gotten tight with a couple of regular visitors to the bar who were high up in the hierarchy of the most powerful and notorious bike gang in the area. Carl ‘Crazy Man’ Carstairs and his second-in-command Johnny ‘Rambo’ Rattigan had developed a grudging respect for the glowering, muscular barman, and when the Murphy had deliberately mentioned his desire to go to Cascade in conversation, it had finally paid off. It turned out that one of Carstairs’ best buddies was the head honcho in one of Cascade’s most feared bike gangs, and he was prepared to provide Murphy with a recommendation that he be accepted into their ranks. 

Of course, it would be up to Murphy to prove himself worthy of such an honour, but if he was successful, he had no doubt that he would get all the backup he needed to finally take his revenge and get the reward he deserved for his patience. _Look out, Blair baby! Daddy Murphy’s coming to get you!_  


\----------------------------  


**Three weeks later, Cascade, WA:**  


Sipping a beer in a dingy bar not far from Rainier’s campus, Murphy propped himself against the counter and gazed nonchalantly through the grimy front window towards the street. Although hardly salubrious, the place was perfect for his purpose, especially as it was patronised by an eclectic mix of bikers, students, blue collar workers and various other disreputable-looking characters, so he barely warranted a second glance. 

Murphy had become a regular customer here ever since he had discovered the place soon after arriving in Cascade, because it was the perfect spot from which to observe the comings and goings of a certain guide, and Murphy was grimly satisfied that his scheme to waylay and kidnap said guide was shaping up nicely. He just needed another few days in which to familiarise himself fully with Sandburg’s usual routine when he drove himself rather than being dropped off at the U by his pain-in-the-ass sentinel, and then he would be good to go. 

And then the little shit would have cause to wish he’d never laid eyes on Dermot ‘Mad Mick’ Murphy, let alone betray him! 

As he continued to scan the street, Murphy pondered on everything that had happened to him since he handed in his notice at the Silver Dollar and set out for Cascade, generally satisfied that so far things finally seemed to be going his way, which to his mind was no more than he deserved. Lady Luck had been noticeably absent for a while now, and it was about time she smiled on him again. 

And of course it would never have occurred to him that he might have brought about his own recent downfall.  


\---------------------------  


The journey from Reno to Cascade had been pretty uneventful, Murphy taking his time to enjoy the powerful hog underneath him as it ate up the miles. Now he was finally on his way, he didn’t feel the need to hurry overmuch, so stopped off at a couple of places on the way. However, the closer he got to his destination, the more effort he made to keep under the radar, as there was no way he wanted to ruin his plans prematurely by getting pulled in by some power-hungry pig for some minor infraction, especially as he was well aware that his very appearance suggested that he was trouble waiting to happen. 

Eventually entering Cascade’s City Limits, he allowed himself a cruel, self-satisfied grin as his spirits rose. He was certain that he’d have no difficulty in being accepted into the ‘Sons of Satan’ bike gang of which Carl’s buddy was the leader, and once installed there, he would set about finalising his plans. 

As it happened, on arriving at the gang’s HQ, which was based in a semi-derelict warehouse in a run-down area of the docks, he had felt right at home, despite the decrepit surroundings. The whole area was in a state of flux, awaiting redevelopment and gentrification, but delayed through the city’s present lack of funding. In the meantime it provided the perfect location for gangs such as the ‘Sons’, who could make the most of virtually free accommodation and relative privacy since it was hardly somewhere respectable citizens would visit, and even cops kept their distance unless taking part in some undercover operation or some such. 

The shabby exterior belied the relative comfort that Murphy found inside the warehouse; part of which had been utilised as a fully kitted out garage and workshop area for the gang’s prized bikes, the majority of which were Harleys, with a few immaculate Indians thrown in for good measure. Murphy was incidentally aware that his own pride and joy wouldn’t look out of place amongst such impressive company. 

Another area was obviously designated as a relaxation area, with armchairs, sofas and a huge, flat screen TV on one wall, plus a roughly constructed wet bar and small kitchen. And he was later to discover that on the mezzanine floor above, the area had been roughly divided into small individual cribs for the gang members, one of which he was to have allocated to him once he had been accepted. And he was more than happy with that; however basic the accommodation might seem; because it spared him from the necessity of finding – and paying for – an alternative. 

Having introduced himself to Denny ‘The Demon’ Lane, the gang’s leader and purported friend of Carl’s, Murphy had been quizzed thoroughly by both him and the other gang members. His responses, coupled with his hard-ass demeanour and his history impressed them sufficiently for them to give him a chance to prove himself in action, and when he calmly and efficiently dispatched the target they had sent him out to ‘neutralise’, he was in.  


\--------------------------  


Since then, he had been ‘in action’, so to speak, several times, in each case acquitting himself well. With his inherent ruthlessness and military training, he was a formidable opponent, and Denny was more than happy to make use of him as often as needed. However, it still left him with plenty of time to concentrate on his own plans, and once he had explained what he had in mind to a couple of other like-minded gang members, he had obtained the promise of backup also. After all, once he had had his turn with Pretty Boy Sandburg, he wasn’t averse to letting his new buddies have their share of fun too. All the better to rub that asshole Ellison’s nose in it when he found out that his precious guide had been used like the whore he was. In short, everything so far was going to plan, and as he sipped his second beer, he allowed himself a trace of smug self-satisfaction even as his groin tightened in gleeful anticipation of the pleasure to come. 

Just then, a small green Volvo nosed its way through the traffic in the street outside. His wicked grin widening, Murphy carefully tracked its progress, pleased to note that it was right on time according to the timetable he had worked out during his surveillance. _Little shit must be on his way back to his sentinel at the PD_ Murphy thought. _Enjoy it while you can, Baby Blair. Because soon you’ll be meeting up with your Daddy again, and you have no idea about what sort of punishment he’ll have waiting for you!_  



	8. An Opportunity Not to be Missed

**Chapter 8: An Opportunity Not to be Missed:**  


Even as Murphy watched the slow passage of the Volvo through the afternoon traffic, Blair was frowning in consternation. For some weeks now he had had an amorphous feeling of dread, his empathic intuition warning him that he was being watched, but nothing had come of it. He had told Jim about it immediately, and his sentinel was instantly on the alert, going to Simon to ask that Blair be assigned a unit to shadow him when he couldn’t be there to do it himself. He would have preferred it if Blair didn’t go anywhere without him, but since that wasn’t practical, he was determined that a police tail was the next best thing. He was well aware of the affection his young guide had already generated amongst a large number of PD personnel, particularly in the MCU, and knew that they would willingly take on the task of watching over their resident guide. 

However, when nothing untoward had occurred after several days, with no confirmed sightings of Murphy or any other suspicious activity, Simon had reluctantly bowed to the wishes of the Chief and Commissioner and withdrawn Blair’s official shadow. When questioned by an irate and disbelieving Ellison, he had explained, not without a certain amount of defensive guilt, that he could no longer justify assigning personnel in an already overstretched force to watch over Blair when there had been absolutely no sign of any threat. 

He had felt no sense of elation or particular relief when Jim reluctantly accepted his decision, and in retrospect, it would turn out to be the worst decision he had ever made, whether at the behest of his superiors or not. 

Aware of the tension between Jim and Simon, Blair had done his best to downplay his own anxiety, even though he knew very well that he couldn’t fool his soulmate. But he had promised faithfully to keep up a tight schedule of either phone calls or brief meetings with his lover when they had to be apart so that Jim was reassured of his continuing safety. And whenever they could manage it, on occasion their friends from MCU watched over the young guide in their own time, so the partners had to make do with the situation as it stood. 

Driving back to the PD now, Blair was still aware of that prickling feeling of being targeted, but put it aside determinedly. As Simon had pointed out, there had been nothing even remotely suspicious to report, so the only thing Blair – and Jim – could do was be on their guard, and reconnect as soon as possible after working apart for any length of time at all. 

In order to distract himself a little from that potentially morbid train of thought, Blair turned his mind to his upcoming birthday. In a few days’ time he would be twenty two, and he couldn’t help but grin wryly as he recalled his twenty first. 

Almost a year ago, his ‘coming of age’ party had actually doubled as a leaving celebration, as it marked the end of his and Jim’s military service. It had been a bittersweet occasion, because Blair was barely recovered from his injuries sustained during the hit and run attempt by Murphy’s cronies, who were now doing time in Leavenworth. But it also marked the successful outcome of the tribunals which had set off the sequence of events that had led eventually to the repeal of the Guide Conscription Law, and for that, Blair was nothing but grateful. For sure, he did miss the surviving members of Jim’s old team, who had welcomed him into their midst despite his lack of training, but he could hardly complain about how their lives had progressed since then. 

When he considered it objectively, he recognised that both he and Jim had achieved an amazing amount in the intervening twelve months, and he knew that his friends thought he ought to be at least a little self-satisfied with the results, but it simply wasn’t in him. Not that he didn’t appreciate their genuine support and pleasure on his behalf. It was a constant source of amazement to him that anyone should take that much of an interest in him personally, and the only reason he could come up with was that it was simply part of the whole sentinel and guide deal, of which Jim was the major player – in Blair’s humble opinion, at least. 

His grin widened a little as he wondered what Jim had planned for him, because he was certain that his sentinel wouldn’t let the occasion pass unnoticed. His friends at the U had already asked him out for a celebratory drink in a local club, and he hoped that he would be able to go despite the present uncomfortable atmosphere. He knew that Jim would insist on accompanying him, and that was just fine with Blair. His closest friends, even Chaz Beckett, realised now just how deeply attached and in love with his sentinel Blair was, and for that reason, they had accepted the older man into their midst, albeit with some reservations. He was ex-military, after all, and now a cop to boot, so not their usual choice of acquaintance. 

Not that it bothered Blair at all, as long as Jim wasn’t unduly concerned either. As far as he was concerned, they now came as a package deal, and if folks couldn’t accept that, it was their loss. Because who couldn’t love and admire a wonderful, gifted human being like Jim? 

On that pleasant thought, he pulled into the PD’s underground parking garage, heaving an unconscious sigh of relief to have arrived safely yet again, and already looking forward to reconnecting with Jim. He wasn’t to know that it was the last time for some time to come that he would accomplish such a mundane ritual successfully.  


\--------------------------  


**Two days later:**  


Once again Blair was driving away from Rainier, on his way back to the PD to join Jim. For the past two days he had been at the PD full time, riding with Jim and holding two seminars as well as doing some of Jim’s paperwork and a couple of stints on the Helpline. He chuckled ruefully as he considered how much less exhausting it was when he could spend a few hours at the U instead, having had a meeting with Eli followed by time spent in the library doing a little more research for his paper. Not that it had been like that before his conscription. Then, he had been struggling to keep up with his own studies as well as a punishing teaching schedule, and pulling all-nighters had been a regular feature of his busy life. But be that as it may, he still preferred to be working alongside his beloved sentinel, workload notwithstanding, and how wonderful and amazing was that? 

As it happened, that day he was being shadowed by Joel Taggert, not that he realised it. Joel had recently transferred to Major Crimes after being Captain of the Bomb Squad, but a crisis of confidence had shaken him enough to want to change course. It had been Blair whose empathy and advice had boosted his flagging self-belief enough to successfully perform one last disarmament, for which Taggert was inordinately grateful, and he had harboured a soft spot for the young guide ever since. It was therefore no hardship to do a little off-duty Blair-watching, and Joel was happy to do it, even after his own long and gruelling shift. 

Unfortunately, Joel was about to make a critical if understandable error of judgement, for which he would never truly forgive himself. Seeing Blair climb into his car and set off to return to the PD, a weary Joel assumed that he was now safe enough, and after following for short distance with no suspicious activity in sight, decided that his bed was calling him. He therefore called in to Jim to report that his guide was on his way back, then took the next turn-off in order to make his own way home. 

And thus it was that he failed to see what went down shortly afterwards. 

As Blair continued to drive, he sighed with relief when the traffic finally began to thin out, but that was only because he was approaching a less salubrious area of downtown Cascade. He knew Jim didn’t like him taking this particular shortcut, but he assured his lover that he would never stop here, and after all, it cut quite a few miles and a fair amount of time off his journey back to the PD. And that was to prove to be his own critical error. 

He was suddenly surprised to find his Volvo bracketed on either side by two very large Harley Davidson bikes which seemed to come out of nowhere; bikes that were ridden by two very menacing-looking characters. Nervously glancing from side to side, Blair tried to decide what his best action would be, when a third bike cut in front of him, forcing him to slow down even further. The biker on the driver’s side thumped the side window with a massive fist, and then pointed imperiously over towards the empty parking lot of an abandoned store. In his do-rag, wraparound shades and heavy beard, there was no way Blair could have immediately recognised his nemesis, Dermot ‘Mad Mick’ Murphy, or his terror would have known no bounds. For a moment, Blair was tempted to try and make a run for it, even if it meant knocking one or more of them off their bikes, but when they all produced wicked-looking Uzis, he knew he had no choice. 

Swallowing hard, he did as he was bid, coming to a halt in the shadow of the derelict building. The huge biker beside him yanked open the car door without dismounting from his machine, reaching over to haul him unceremoniously out of the vehicle to be grabbed and held fast by one of the others, the third one producing a syringe from out of his pocket. Blair tried to struggle out of the vicious grip that held him, but to no avail, and hissed in pain as the needle plunged into his vulnerable neck. Although he didn’t pass out immediately, his head began to spin, and the world took on a Dali-like melting effect as he tried to make sense of what was happening. _Oh, Jim, I need you! Jiiiiimmmm!_ was his last coherent thought before he was manhandled to sit on the pillion of the huge biker’s machine. His arms were dragged around Murphy’s waist and secured by cuffs, while a helmet was clapped on his head, along with dark goggles and a bandanna around his lower face, ensuring that no one could possibly recognise him from any distance. 

Satisfied with their arrangements, the three bikers left the Volvo where it was and roared off with their groggy captive, a captive who was completely out of it by the time they reached their warehouse headquarters. 

Uncuffing the wrists in front of him, Murphy dismounted from his hog, turned and grasped the unconscious guide and threw him over a massive shoulder, an evil grin plastered across his face. Finally his patience had paid off, and the opportunity had presented itself for him to get his just reward; an opportunity he wouldn’t have missed for the world.  



	9. A Nightmare Realised

**Chapter 9: A Nightmare Realised:**  


**MCU Bullpen:**  


With an irritated huff, Jim virtually threw his completed report into his out-tray before sitting back in his seat to roll his neck and shoulders in an attempt to release the tension in them. It had been a difficult day thus far, not least because he had had to work without Blair at his side, and he could feel the faint beginnings of the discomfort that arose from being apart from his guide for too long. Although he had had a reasonably successful outcome when riding with Megan that morning, the pair of them chasing down and arresting a murder suspect intent on evading capture, for the rest of the time he had been relegated to catching up on his paperwork. His lips thinned as he stared at the depleted pile in his in-tray, knowing that Blair would have completed it all in double-quick time by now. However, even though he’d accompanied Jim to the PD over the last couple of days, his time had been divided between working for and with his sentinel, manning the Suicide and Victims’ Helplines and running seminars, so he had had little opportunity to tackle Jim’s paperwork. 

And in all honesty, Jim knew that he shouldn’t have expected his lover to do so, because wasn’t he always trying to consider reducing his hyper guide’s workload these days? Then again, once Blair had those much-desired letters after his name, surely things would get better for them both once he had severed his ties with Rainier. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose in a vain effort to alleviate the low grade headache that was just beginning to make itself felt, he glanced at his watch to see that it was almost mid-afternoon already. No wonder he was beginning to feel antsy and he knew from bitter experience now that Blair must be feeling the same way. They needed to reconnect very soon, or else they would both be suffering unnecessarily. 

However, just then his desk phone rang, and he picked it up to hear Joel reporting that Blair had left Rainier and was already on his way to the PD. Thanking the older man, he set the handset down in its cradle and sat back again, this time with a satisfied grin on his face. Blair would be here soon, even allowing for traffic, and all would be well again. 

Looking over from her own desk, Megan sent him a knowing grin. “Well, you’re looking happier now, Jimbo,” she laughed cheekily. “Just like a dingo with two tails! Sandy must be on his way, and not a moment too soon!” 

Jim threw her an unconvincing scowl as he replied mock-testily, “Are you implying that I’m cranky without my guide, Conner?” 

She laughed even harder at that. “Who, you? Cranky? Oh, my word, I wouldn’t say that exactly, Jimbo. Or should I say, ‘Detective Jim ‘Taz’ Ellison? Nah, you’re just a big ‘ole puddytat, aren’t you?” 

He couldn’t help but join in with her honest merriment, knowing that there was no malice in it. His headache forgotten for the moment, when she suggested a short trip to the break room for coffee, he agreed good-naturedly. 

However, as he stood to follow her out of the bullpen, he staggered suddenly, almost landing on his ass on the floor. Gripping his head between his hands, he groaned out loud. Megan flew back to his side, reaching out to support her friend as he cried out in agony. “Aaahh! No! NOOOOOO!” 

“Jimbo, what is it? Is it Sandy?” she whispered urgently, knowing that his senses were spiralling out of control. As Simon burst from his office to offer his support also, Jim’s tightly-closed eyes cracked open briefly. “Yeah, it’s Blair,” he managed to gasp out. “He’s been snatched, Simon. I heard him scream!” which was no more than the honest truth, Blair’s terrified mental cry of _‘Oh, Jim, I need you! Jiiiiimmmm!’_ scraping at his cringing mind like nails on a chalk board. 

Neither Megan nor Simon doubted him for a moment, much to Simon’s credit, and as they eased their shaky colleague down into the nearest chair, Simon was already barking out orders. 

“Anderson! Zablonski! I need an immediate APB out on Blair Sandburg, and I want his car traced as soon as! Megan, take Jim with you and go to Rainier. Track Blair’s usual route from there to here, OK? See if Jim can pick up on anything. And call Joel. Find out where he last had eyes on Blair’s car. As soon as H and Rafe return, I’ll send them out to meet up with you, OK? I’ll coordinate things from here. Now move, people!” And the frantic search for their lost guide began in earnest.  


\-----------------------  


**Meanwhile, at the ‘Sons of Satan’ HQ:**  


As Murphy strode into the warehouse, the young guide slung over his shoulder like a sack of coal, he noted absently that Denny and most of the others weren’t there. Only two of the gang slouched in the easy chairs, beers in hand as they watched an NFL game on the big TV. 

“Whatcha got there, Mick?” Stan Logan drawled. “Denny know about this?” 

Murphy scowled at him. “Not yet, he doesn’t, but he knows what I came here for, so unless you want to sample this little bitch later after I’ve finished with him, butt out!” 

Logan sneered and shrugged, while his friend sniggered nastily. “Don’t know as I’d want your leavings, Murphy. You and your buddies can have his ass to yourselves. Just don’t make too much noise, huh?” and he turned back to the game, apparently dismissing the newcomers from his attention. 

Murphy grimaced disdainfully, and turned towards the back of the building, a cold, windowless locked storeroom his destination. He had chosen the place carefully, because it would make an adequate prison for as long as needed, being normally used for storing items such as stolen goods and the gang’s varied weaponry. An old mattress in the corner, and a set of cuffs to secure his captive to a strong metal girder were already in place. 

With his two co-conspirators trailing behind him, he keyed in the code to unlock the door and strode in, shrugging off his still unconscious burden and dropping him unceremoniously on the mattress. Hands on hips, he regarded the small body for a moment, a triumphant and lascivious grin on his lips as his eyes glittered fiercely. “At last, you little shit. You’re mine to do as I like with. Like you should always have been!” and with that he dropped to his knees on the mattress and began to strip Blair of his clothing, watched by his eager cronies. 

Within minutes, Blair was naked, his body explored and pawed as Murphy completed the task. His wrists were cuffed again, and secured over his head; a swivel bolt attached to the metal bar intended to facilitate moving his helpless body into whichever position his tormentors preferred. Murphy was grinning wickedly by the time he had finished, but gradually, the self-satisfied smirk morphed into a perplexed frown. Turning to face his cronies, he snarled, “What the fuck did you dose him with, Sweeney? He should be coming around by now! I need him awake and aware for this! I want to hear him scream and beg!” 

Roy Sweeney returned his scowl with an equally puzzled look. “Hey, Murph!” he stammered uncertainly. “Don’t be like that, man! You said you wanted him out of it quick, so that’s what I did. It was just a dose of roofies and some other stuff I had. How was I to know how he’d react to it, huh? You said the little bastard was a guide, and I’ve never had to shoot up one of them before!” His tone and manner became both belligerent and defensive. Who the fuck was this guy to complain about his competence? If he wanted to dose up the little creep in a certain way, then he should have done it himself! Fucking newcomer. 

Murphy shook his head angrily. What the fuck? He didn’t want to wait until Sandburg decided to wake up, so he just shook his head in disgust. Flipping the smaller man over onto his belly, he grinned lustfully as he cupped the shapely ass cheeks. There was the scar. The silvering stripe running across both cheeks from his touch with the hot poker. Still obvious, and branding the guide as his. Yes, this was right. This was just, and he didn’t intend to prolong the delicious anticipation any further. 

As his two cronies looked on, eagerly anticipating their own enjoyment, he unzipped his fly and pulled out his engorged member, laughing evilly as he drove into the unconscious guide’s tight passage. This was what it was all about. This was his due, and although this was what he wanted, it was really only taking the edge off his lust. Just wait until the little bastard woke up! Then he’d learn just how wrong he had been to cross Dermot Murphy! 

This first time it was over quickly, with Sandburg still to do more than moan faintly at the huge intrusion. As Murphy pulled out, he wasn’t surprised to see a little blood, as he hadn’t bothered to prepare the bitch at all. So who cared? He hadn’t really thought beyond this point, but now he had the chance, he supposed he ought to consider what the guide’s eventual fate should be. 

Satisfied for the time being, he waved nonchalantly at his two companions; not really that interested as they took their turn with the comatose body. He could wait now until Sandburg finally woke, and then let the real fun begin! 

Unfortunately for Murphy, he hadn’t taken into consideration what the effects an ill-considered mixture of drugs, combined with the withdrawal symptoms of a guide too long separated from his sentinel could be. Over the next few hours or so, repeated slapping, shaking and abusing Sandburg failed to arouse him, and even burning him with a cigarette elicited no more than a pained groan. But when the bruised and battered young man finally did regain some vestige of awareness, it wasn’t at all what Murphy and his cronies expected or hoped for. 

Caught up in the horrendous agony of total exposure to outside emotions, his empathic barriers now completely blasted away, Blair could do nothing more but curl up into a tight ball of pure agony, his screams as he was assaulted both mentally and physically enough to bring the newly returned Denny and his gang straight to the door of the storeroom-cum-prison. 

Throwing open the door, Denny stormed in, his furious glare burning into Murphy’s somewhat disconcerted gaze. As the rest of his gang crowded in behind, their curiosity morbidly piqued, he snarled, “Just what the fuck is going on here, Mick? Is this the guy you wanted to get your revenge on? Why did you bring him here, you stupid bastard? You told me what you wanted to do, but fuck, man! You could hear him the other side of the fuckin’ bay! The last thing we need is for some nosy bastard to take an interest and call the cops! You said you’d be taking him somewhere safe to have your fun!” 

Murphy frowned at that, not liking Denny’s tone one little bit. Who the hell did he think he was talking to? Resentment uppermost in his demeanour, he squared up to the gang boss, already anticipating trouble. 

“This IS somewhere safe, Denny! There’s no one in this shithole of an area who’s going to give a damn about a bit of noise! So I’ll gag him then. Whatever! And when I’m done, I’ll either finish him and dump him in the bay, or send him back to his asshole of a sentinel in small pieces. What’s the problem, man?” 

Denny was about to respond when one of the other gang members pushed past him, a speculative frown on his face. Approaching the mattress, he reached out and pushed against Sandburg’s shoulder, enough to get a proper look at the tortured features. “I know this guy,” he began thoughtfully. “I seen him before. On TV. You recall, Denny? He was one of the guys who campaigned about that Guide Conscription shit. Name of Sandburg, I think, and he’s guide to that Sentinel Detective Ellison. Major Crimes’ very own fucking supercop. Fuck, boss! We don’t want nothing to do with icing Central PD’s fuckin’ mascot! We gotta get him outta here!” 

Absolutely incandescent with fury now, Denny rounded on Murphy. “You fuckin’ moron!” he shouted, accusation burning in his eyes. “You never said that it was this dude you was after! What the fuck you thinkin? Get him out of here,” he continued, gesticulating impatiently at the men beside him. “Put some clothes on him and dump him well away from here. Alive! He’s ain’t going to recall anything about this anyhow, and we don’t need to get implicated in a murder, not with the deal with Chen-Ho about to go down! Do it! Now!” 

While Murphy’s two so-called buddies slunk furtively out of the room trying for inconspicuous; another two of Denny’s men uncuffed Blair and started to dress him carelessly. As Murphy looked on, an incredulous scowl on his face, the bigger of them scooped the restlessly groaning guide into his powerful arms and carried him out of the room. He couldn’t believe it. How could everything have gone so wrong again? He’d have thought that the head man of a gang such as the ‘Sons’ would have had had a lot more balls. A lot more arrogance and honest-to-god cruelty than this. ‘Sons of bitches’ more like! He’d obviously misjudged the man badly. 

But what he hadn’t taken into consideration in his self-centred and single-minded quest for retribution was that a man such as Denny had to have a lot more about him than a tendency towards greed, violence and mayhem. With little or no conscience to trouble him, getting rid of any opposition was no problem, but for his gang to survive and thrive in a competitive and violent criminal underworld, he had to have more than his share of native wit and common sense too. Like any successful leader, it paid to know when to bid up and when to fold, and when to cut your losses, and this was one of those times. With a mega drug and arms deal at stake, no way would Denny want any untoward police interest turning his way, so the only sensible thing to do was to get the kidnapped guide well away from here. And an anonymous tip off would take care of the rest. 

For sure, he couldn’t actually care less about the guide’s fate, and if he died later once back with his sentinel, well, too bad. The important thing was not to have any provable connection with said guide, and that was how it was going to be. 

With darkness falling outside, and the heavily-overcast sky blotting out any moonlight, Blair was once again bundled onto a hog, although this time simply clutched to the biker’s chest, his head lolling against the man’s beefy shoulder. Empathically overloaded, he was barely aware as they roared off into the night, with no inkling as to how fast or how far they went. Eventually he was dropped in an alley across town, to lie in the cold and filth, helpless to move or call out. It could have been an hour or days before he finally felt the touch he so needed, tears of gratitude trickling weakly from beneath his bruised eyelids. 

The touch that meant that his sentinel had found him at last.  


\---------------------------  


Back in the storeroom, Murphy was facing off with Denny and his men, anger and outrage building as he listened to the fading roar of the hogs taking his prize away from him. Perhaps if he’d been rational enough to have considered Denny’s position in terms of a ruthless military commander, he mightn’t have taken such liberties with the gang’s HQ in the first place, but in his arrogance he had simply considered them to be little more than punks, even if they were punks he could empathise with. But now it was too late, and he had been thwarted again. And it was too much. _Way_ too much. 

As his blazing gaze flicked from the empty mattress and back to meet and hold Denny’s angry and disdainful glare, the others could almost see the instant when he crossed the line into insanity. His expression became murderous, and there was death in his eyes as he roared like the enraged predator he had become. _Fucking cowards! I’ll kill them! Kill them all...!_. 

Muscles bunching and huge hands like claws, he launched himself at Denny. He had maybe a millisecond in which to register the menacing shape of Denny’s favourite Glock 23, 40 calibre semi-auto materialise in his adversary’s hand, before the two sledgehammer blows of a double tap struck him in the chest, hurling him backwards to sprawl across the filthy mattress. Eyes already glazing in death, his last thought was one of furious bewilderment and deep disappointment. _Well fuck! No fair…._ and then there was nothing. 

Denny casually holstered his firearm, and stepped forward to gaze down on the fallen man. He stared at the body for a long moment, his lips set in a grim line of disgust. Finally, he shook his head contemptuously, muttering, “‘Mad Mick’ he was, right enough. Crazy bastard! What a waste,” and then he addressed the men crowding in behind him. “Get rid of him. Dump him the bay. The tide’ll take him out, and even if he washes up somewhere, it don’t matter. The cops won’t trace him to us, even if they could be bothered to try. They get their little mascot back, and that’s all they’ll care about,” and he shrugged nonchalantly and turned to go. 

As he did so, two of the gang were already stooping to drag Murphy’s remains out of the room on the bloodied mattress, and one of the others called to Denny. “Hey, boss man, what about his hog? What’ll we do with it?” 

Denny grinned evilly. “We’ll keep it, Sonny. It’s the only worthwhile thing Mad Mick brought with him. Shame to waste a great hog like that!” and they all sniggered at his unfeeling words, ‘Mad Mick’ Murphy already dismissed from their minds as a fellow human being and erstwhile comrade. 

Shortly afterwards, Denny’s men returned to report that the guide had been successfully dropped in a deserted location well away from there, and the anonymous call had been placed as ordered, so what happened to him now was no longer their concern. Dermot ‘Mad Mick’ Murphy’s mortal remains had been unceremoniously consigned to the bay, and were even now being carried away with the tide while the bloody mattress was burning merrily in the vacant lot behind the warehouse. 

All was once again as right as it usually was in Denny ‘The Demon’s’ world, but he did spare one last thought for the big, angry man he had once considered as a potential second in command. Was there anyone out there who would even give a damn if they knew he was dead? 

And his conclusion? Most probably not.  


**End Part 1**   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of Part 1, Part 2 deals with the uphill struggle Blair - and Jim - have to undergo to try and repair their lives and their partnership after Blair's assault. There will be angst, but you know me! No J/B death - EVER - and a hopeful ending - eventually.  
> Just so's you know! ;)
> 
> Kate x


	10. A Close Call

**Part 2: Reconnection, Recovery and Aftermath:**  


**Chapter 10: A Close Call:**  


Despite the frenetic activity which commenced immediately after Jim had alerted his colleagues that Blair was missing, the following hours of dedicated police work proved to be disappointingly unproductive. The APB produced no results at all, unsurprising under the circumstances, although Blair’s friends and colleagues weren’t to know that at the time. The only high spot, if one could call it that, was that Blair’s Volvo was recovered before anyone had had time to either steal it or vandalise it, but as evidence it turned out to be of little use. And Jim should know. 

Although Jim was in a sorry state, his senses spiking painfully the longer he was separated from his true guide, he refused to resort to chemical dampeners for as long as possible, needing to keep going for as long as he could even with senses cutting in and out ever more erratically. Instead, he chose to soldier on relying on sheer dogged determination and willpower, and Megan’s unstinting backup. 

As Simon had ordered – and as Jim would have done anyway – he and Megan had gone to Rainier and had deliberately taken Blair’s usual route to the PD. A call to Joel confirmed that he had turned off for home before Blair entered the more run-down district which provided a shortcut to his destination, so he had been nowhere near when the snatch had taken place. Needless to say, he was horrified to hear about Blair’s kidnapping, his guilt and self-recrimination obvious even during the short phone conversation. 

However, Jim wasn’t in the mood to offer comfort or reassurance right then, being far too anxious about his lover’s present condition. Hopefully there would be time for processing and emotional blood-letting later after Blair was located, but until then, the priority was in getting Jim’s guide back where he belonged. 

Once the call had ended, Jim cursed quietly but steadily as a concerned Megan continued to follow Blair’s assumed route, a frown on her pretty face. 

“Bloody hell, Jimbo,” she murmured quietly, ever mindful of his wayward senses. “Why would Sandy drive through this dump of an area? I know he’s always said that he wouldn’t ever stop here, but why take the chance, huh? Just to save some travel time? There’s always the possibility of a breakdown, if not carjacking, and I can’t see the drongos who’d hang around this place playing Good Samaritan! 

“I know he always wants to get back to you as soon as he can, but I’m buggered if I can understand why he’d even risk this!” 

Jim shook his head in wry despair. “I know, Megs. And I’m always telling him not to. But you know how stubborn he can be, and he insists that it’s just fine and he knows what he’s doing. He’s still got that independent streak from when he travelled around the world with his mom as a kid, and he’s always saying that he’s been in far worse places than this in the past. And I guess that perhaps he thought he’d be safe enough in the car, because I’m always telling him to stay in the truck! Not that he does, mind you. 

“But that’s not the point. And after all he’s already been through; you’d think he’d have more sense of self-preservation, wouldn’t you? Especially now. I just don’t know what he was thinking – if he was thinking at all!” he ended dispiritedly. 

Just then, his sense of smell decided to cooperate, and he caught a sudden whiff of his lover’s longed-for scent through the open window. 

“Wait up, Megs!” he snapped urgently. “Turn in here! He was here, I’m sure of it!” 

Instantly doing as she was bid, Megan turned into the disused parking lot he indicated, and there, abandoned in the shadow of a run-down building, was Blair’s Volvo. 

Pulling up behind it, Jim was out of the car before she had turned off the engine, breathing deeply and looking frantically around him. She quickly climbed out the vehicle and gently took his arm, determined to do whatever she could to ground him as he sought for traces of his guide’s presence. 

After several long minutes of searching the immediate area, and the interior of the Volvo itself, Jim groaned in frustration as he met Megan’s quizzical gaze. 

“Call it in, Megs,” he murmured despondently. “We’ll get it towed to the PD so Forensics can look at it, but even though the senses aren’t exactly at their best, I can tell that there are no other fingerprints but Blair’s on the interior or exterior. His kidnappers were undoubtedly wearing gloves. 

“On the other hand,” he continued harshly, his face reflecting his fury and despair, “Blair’s scent tells me that he was terrified. And probably drugged too, because there’s a chemical tang in the air. And there were at least three kidnappers – or at least three people nearby. And one of them was that bastard Murphy. I’ll never forget that stink as long as I live!!” and his face crumpled as he fought to control his utter desperation as his too-fertile imagination conjured up awful images of what his beloved guide must be feeling, and going through. It was their worst nightmare, come back to haunt them after all.  


\--------------------------  


Although many of the searchers had thought that the rapid location of Blair’s car was a good sign, as the hours went by, more and more of them began to lose hope that they would recover their young friend alive, if they recovered him at all. The problem was that they could witness Jim’s deterioration before their very eyes, and even those who weren’t particularly au fait with sentinel and guide dynamics, knew that enforced separation was potentially fatal for a bonded pair such as Jim and Blair. For sure, Jim managed to function for far longer than one might have expected, but it was purely due to a combination of sheer bloody-mindedness and the support of Megan and the PD’s other sentinel and guide team, who had offered their support as soon as news spread about Blair’s abduction. 

Sven Pederson and his guide Mary Purvis from Homicide did everything they could to bolster Jim’s failing control, but with limited success. As Sven ruefully admitted, he wasn’t a full sentinel, in that he only had two heightened senses with the others just above normal levels, but at least he understood where Jim was coming from as Mary was his bonded guide, and a reasonably strong one at that. If he ever lost her, he would be devastated, and they both knew that if Jim was suffering this much with at least some moral and physical support, then Blair must be in a very bad way, alone and helpless in the hands of a monster. And that knowledge was breaking Jim’s heart. 

The feeling of utter helplessness was eating away remorselessly at Jim’s psyche, even though he determinedly concentrated his thoughts on his guide’s probable condition rather than indulge in a useless pity party. Never before in his whole life had he felt so useless, his senses so contrary now that he had failed to pick up any hint of a trail leading from the Volvo’s location to wherever his guide had been taken. It seemed as if he had vanished into thin air, and there was nothing his sentinel could do about it. Although Jim was certain that his guide still lived, their link had been stretched to breaking point such that he could no longer ‘feel’ Blair’s thoughts. And that in itself was truly terrifying. Had the young man’s mind shut down out of sheer self-preservation, and if so, was it permanent? 

And then the miracle had happened. The anonymous tip off that saved Blair’s life.  


\-----------------------  


When the call came in, it was received by a weary group who had reconvened in MCU’s conference room in order to assess the situation so far and attempt to come up with new leads to pursue. Jim was slumped in his chair, barely able to support his head on his shoulders as he slowly succumbed to his exhaustion from trying to keep going. Uncaring of the worried looks cast his way by the others present, he knew he was slipping away from reality, and the knowledge that his beloved guide was out there and suffering far worse only deepened his despair. And there was anger too. A deep and smouldering rage that was as much self-directed as on Murphy’s account; and that too was wreaking havoc on Jim’s self-perception. 

The others present consisted of Simon, Megan, Sven and Mary and Joel, who had come in as soon as he had taken the call from Jim and Megan, despite the fact that he’d only just retired to bed. H and Rafe were still out there, determinedly scouring the neighbourhood around where the Volvo was found, even though there was little likelihood that they would find anything or anyone who could give them any further information. And to date there had been nothing to report from any uniforms regarding the APB. 

Simon was about to address the group when Rhonda burst into the room, her demeanour far removed from her normal cool and imperturbable persona. 

“Captain Banks, sir! Please, pick up the phone! Despatch has received a call and you need to hear it!” 

Simon didn’t even balk at his super-efficient secretary’s insistent command. He quickly reached for the instrument before him and listened intently, his expression changing from impatience through astonishment to barely controlled exhilaration. “We’ve got him, people! I’m certain of it! I’ve just been informed that there’s been an anonymous call to say that Blair’s been dropped off in an alley off Branchford and Main. It’s only a couple of blocks from where the Volvo was found, and a patrol unit and the EMTs are already on their way! Let’s go!” 

And there was no one there who was about to demur.  


\----------------------  


The small cavalcade made the journey to the alley in record time, lights and sirens on. Jim, Sven and Mary were travelling with Simon in his sedan, followed by Megan and Joel. As they drove, they heard that H and Rafe were already at the scene, as was the patrol unit and the EMTs, and that the medics were treating Blair as they spoke. They had been informed of Blair’s guide status, so were being ultra-careful, knowing they needed to wait for the arrival of his sentinel before they could do anything more proactive. For the time being, they had simply transferred the young man to a gurney and covered him warmly, all the while trying hard not to disturb him any more than necessary. 

As soon as Simon pulled up behind H’s car at the entrance to the alley, Jim scrambled unsteadily out of the passenger seat, and headed determinedly towards where his lover lay. During the drive, the closer he had gotten to his guide, the more his senses had settled, eagerly latching on to the beloved and much-missed presence, although it could hardly be said that he was anything like OK. For real healing to even begin both he and Blair needed to reconnect, if it wasn’t already too late for Blair. 

Reaching the gurney, Jim dropped to his knees, his hands immediately cupping Blair’s dirty and bruised face. 

“Oh, baby!” he whispered brokenly. “What has that bastard done to you? Oh, gods! I’m so sorry, honey. So sorry I wasn’t there for you, and so sorry I couldn’t find you sooner. What good are these damned senses if I can’t even trace my own guide?” 

Angrily swallowing down the unwanted self-pity, he castigated himself mentally for worrying about such trivial notions when there was more vital work to be done. His guide didn’t need his pitiful protestations, so he turned his mind to trying to re-establish their link, praying to every deity he could think of that Blair was still present, somewhere deep in his beleaguered soul. Gently stroking the beloved face, he crooned nonsense words as he strove to pierce what felt like a thick fog separating them, keeping up the soft litany for many minutes while the EMTs and his colleagues looked on, guarding their friends’ persons and respecting their privacy as best they could. 

Jim was growing steadily more desperate at his guide’s lack of response when suddenly he felt it. The tiniest touch from another soul probing for his, desperately trying to reunite as one. “That’s it, baby,” he murmured excitedly. “Come on, Blair! You’re so close, honey! Please, try a bit more.” 

And there it was. Blair’s eyelids fluttered briefly as a few tears leaked from beneath them, and his weary mind linked with Jim’s, eagerly grasping for the protection his sentinel offered as his barriers were slowly reconstructed. Not there fully yet, for sure, and the real reconnection wouldn’t happen until they could complete the full physical bond, but for now Blair was safe, as was his sentinel, and it was time to get him to hospital. 

As the EMTs moved in to prepare Blair for transport, being sure not to try and dislodge Jim from his place at the guide’s side, the others looked on, their shared anxiety morphing into gratitude and relief at Blair’s apparent return from the brink. Using his finger and thumb to wipe away the suspicious moisture from behind his spectacles, Simon sighed deeply as he murmured, “That was a close call, for sure. Way too close!” And the others couldn’t agree more.  



	11. A Glimmer of Hope

**Chapter 11: A Glimmer of Hope:**  


**Shortly afterwards, Cascade General Sentinel and Guide Unit:**  


Immediately on their arrival at Cascade General Hospital, Jim and Blair were whisked up to the dedicated Sentinel and Guide unit. Although relatively small, it was staffed and equipped with suitably trained personnel and the modified fixtures, fittings and environmental elements necessary for treating injured guides and / or zoned sentinels. Jim remained at his guide’s side throughout the triage procedure, only leaving when Blair was taken for scans to determine whether or not he had sustained any head injury; a precaution in view of the evidence of the beating he had taken. 

To Jim’s immense relief, his lover remained deeply unconscious throughout the taking of bloods and the necessary rape kit, satisfied that it was a natural reaction to his exhaustion rather than the terrifying blankness of an empathic shutdown. And when it came to settling the young man into a side ward, Jim was more than happy to be allowed to help clean and dress his young partner, having undergone some medical training in the army. And it had to be said that performing the intimate tasks also offered him some much-needed stress relief, able at last to touch and hold his guide after what had felt like an eternity. 

And to think that he’d promised himself that they’d never be in this situation again! The previous episode had felt like the worst pain ever, but it paled in comparison to this occasion. Because this time Jim was sure that it could well have been the end for them both. And the strange thing was that, according to their attending physician, Dr Sarah Myers, her initial belief was that, if Blair hadn’t been given such a potentially dangerous dose of drugs which had knocked him out for a considerable length of time, he could indeed have succumbed to a terminal empathic overload well before his discovery. It was a sobering thought that Murphy had unwittingly ensured Blair’s survival, even if the evil, lecherous bastard had sexually assaulted and beaten him unmercifully. 

The other thing that Jim had been told was that although it had yet to be confirmed by analysis, it was very likely that at least some type of date rape drug had been administered, so it was very possible that Blair would suffer from amnesia to a greater or lesser extent. And whether that could be counted as a good or a bad thing Jim couldn’t decide. So much would depend on his lover’s state of mind when he woke, and although he longed for those beautiful blue eyes to open, Jim couldn’t help but feel that perhaps the longer Blair had to relax in healing slumber, the better it would be. 

Unless, of course, he was plagued by nightmares, which was always a strong possibility. 

Either way, Jim would be at his side, and not just for the couple of days Blair would be kept in hospital for observation. When his lover was released, Jim intended to take as much time off as he needed in order to reconnect with and support Blair through the traumatic aftermath, and if TPTB didn’t like it, well, tough. 

Having settled Blair as comfortably as possible, Jim eyed the deliberately larger-than-usual hospital bed longingly. As it was known and accepted that sentinels and guides needed to stay close, partners were commonly expected to share the same bed, even if they didn’t actually want or need to bond fully in a sexual sense, and for that Jim knew he would be more than grateful. His own exhaustion was weighing heavily on him despite the fact that his senses were now settled and under his complete control again, but he also knew that he had to stay awake a little longer until he could make his report to Simon. 

He was well aware that his boss would want to be caught up on Blair’s condition as far as possible so that he could report back to their colleagues in the department, and also for his own peace of mind, so he settled himself in the easy chair beside the bed, one hand holding Blair’s while the other tenderly stroked the smaller man’s face and hair. 

That was the sight that met Simon’s gaze when he quietly entered the room a short while later, and once again he was surprised to feel his eyes sheen with unexpected moisture as he realised how much this pair had come to mean to him. But when Jim raised his head to smile tiredly at him, he swallowed down the lump of emotion that had inexplicably tried to lodge in his throat, and offered Jim a reciprocal grin as he approached the bed. 

He stood for a moment, studying the quietly sleeping form, before meeting Jim’s weary eyes. 

“He seems to be resting peacefully, Jim, but he looks so vulnerable. So young! How is he really, Jim? Is he truly back with you?” and Jim knew what he meant. 

Smiling ruefully he turned to cast a fond glance at his lover before facing Simon again. “Yeah, he is, Simon. The full bond’s not in place again yet, which I know is TMI as far as you’re concerned, but our link is re-established, and his barriers are up again and holding. My senses are fine now, but I have to admit that I need to complete the spiritual reconnection to feel truly whole again. As will he.” 

Simon looked vaguely uncomfortable at his words, but nodded understandingly anyway. If more sentinel voodoo shit was what was required to heal his men, then so be it. “Fair enough, Jim, and I hope it’ll happen sooner rather than later even though I guess he could do with all the rest he can get right now. But what can you tell me about his condition? He certainly looks a mess, but how bad is it?” 

So Jim told him what he knew, even though he realised it would be hard for his boss and friend to hear. Hell, it was hard to have to say it out loud, but it had to be done. Not that he intended to betray his lover’s confidence any more than he had to, but from an official standpoint the information was necessary in order for the criminal investigation to continue. Once Murphy was apprehended, they both wanted to be sure that the charges against him would stick. 

Continuing to pet Blair’s hair as he talked, Jim began. “I know he looks black and blue at the moment, Simon, and the gods know I feared the worst when I first saw him, but most of what you can see is actually superficial and should heal well enough, although it’ll hurt like hell for a few days. There are no broken bones, and his scan shows no sign of a head trauma, so that’s all to the good. He’s somewhat dehydrated, hence the drip, and he’s lost a bit of blood, but not enough to warrant a transfusion. 

“Having said that, he has some burns, Simon. The bastard tortured him with a cigarette!” and he paused to look up again at Simon’s horrified gasp. 

“Jesus, Jim! The sick, twisted asshole! How anyone could deliberately hurt a good kid like Sandburg beggars belief!” 

Jim grimaced in anger. “You’re right, sir, and if I ever get the chance to get my hands on that monster, he won’t know what’s hit him!” 

Simon looked a bit askance at that, but said nothing. Hell, if it was his guide lying there, no doubt he’d feel the same way, but officially he had to frown on the notion of vengeance. 

Recognising his boss’ unease, Jim continued with his recitation, but his expression became even more drawn as he ground out, “Unfortunately, that’s not the worst, as you probably guessed, Simon. Yes, he was assaulted. Raped, and probably more than once. The doctor took semen samples for analysis, because the bastard – or bastards – went bareback!” and his face screwed up in pain and horror on his lover’s behalf. “So they’re testing for STDs and HIV, and are already giving him prophylactics just in case. It’s just so unfair, Simon. How much more does he have to take? How can such a gentle soul suffer so much without breaking?” he ended in a despairing wail, nearly at the end of his own endurance. 

Simon stepped forward hurriedly and gripped his friend’s shoulder comfortingly. “He’ll survive because he wants to, Jim. I’m certain of it. Because he has you, and you’re his world. And because despite appearances, that kid has more balls than nearly anyone else I know, except perhaps his sentinel!” 

Jim looked up again at that, his blue eyes sheened with tears he refused to let fall. “Oh, he’s way tougher than I am, Simon. And that’s the only thing that gives me real hope that he’ll – we’ll – get through this. And I just have to keep believing that we will.” 

“Amen to that, Jim. Amen to that,” Simon concurred. 

Just then, the door opened to admit Blair’s doctor, and she offered both men a brief, professional smile as she approached the bed. “Jim, Captain Banks,” she addressed them politely, her demeanour calm and competent. “I need to check over young Blair here, so if you’ll give us bit of privacy, please, Captain? And as for you, Jim Ellison,” she said, frowning reprovingly at the big man, “you’re at the end of your tether, Sentinel, and as soon as I’ve finished checking over your guide, I want to see you in bed too, OK? No arguments!” 

For once Jim had no intention of demurring, the thought of holding his beloved guide close an offer too good to refuse. Nodding his assent, he rose to his feet and smiled softly down at his lover. “Fair enough, doctor,” he murmured, reaching out to cup Blair’s cheek before addressing him lovingly. “Now just you behave for the nice doctor, babe, and I’ll be back as soon as I’ve cleaned up a bit. Then we can have that cuddle at last, OK?” 

As the doctor and Simon looked on, Blair instinctively turned his face into the contact, uttering a soft sigh of contentment. The touching scene was enough to bring that darned lump again to Simon’s throat, and he coughed softly to cover up his embarrassment as he quietly turned to leave the room. 

As he closed the door behind him, he paused for a moment and looked back. Surely what he had just witnessed was a good sign? A glimmer of hope that given time, and the unflinching support of his sentinel, Blair might yet recover to once again enjoy his role as guide and precious partner to his doting lover.   


\-----------------------  


As soon as the doctor had completed her examination of Blair, she looked across at Jim, who had just emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and wearing a set of scrubs. “Well, you look better at least,” she remarked with a small grin, “but you’re plainly exhausted and in desperate need of some physical contact with young Blair here, so I won’t keep you any longer than necessary. I just want to update you very briefly on how he’s doing.” 

Jim returned her smile, although exhaustion dragged at his handsome features. “That’s OK, Doctor Myers. So, how is he? He’s been resting quietly, and as yet there’s been no sign of him waking, although I know his sleep is a natural one.” 

Sarah Myers nodded her agreement. Trust a bonded sentinel to know his guide pretty much down to the molecular level, and to know the young guide’s mind also. 

“That’s good to know, Jim, and yes, I agree insofar as I can tell. And I think that it’s maybe indicative that my guess could be correct. We’ve analysed the traces of drugs in Blair’s system now, and there was most certainly an element of a date rape drug such as Rohypnol or some derivative of it administered. And as you’ll already know, it can cause significant amnesia in rape victims. I’m thinking therefore that Blair probably won’t recall much of his ordeal, so at least for the time being, hopefully he won’t have nightmares. 

“But having said that, it’s going to be hard on him not remembering, and although I’m no psychologist, I think that’s going to be more of a problem during his recovery than his physical healing. But that’s not what you need to hear from me. 

“So, as far as his injuries are concerned, although I did have to put a couple of stitches in the tears in his rectum, and there is significant swelling, there was far less damage than I would have expected, which is most likely due to the fact that he was unconscious at the time, so his body was relaxed. The thorny question regarding the threat of HIV can be discussed later when you’re both rested,” she added firmly, anticipating Jim’s next query. 

“As you know, most of the cuts and abrasions are superficial, if painful, and should heal with very little, if any scarring; with the exception of the cigarette burns to his chest and nipples. They will almost certainly scar, and there could be a slight loss of sensitivity in those areas once they’re healed. 

“However, generally speaking, he should be at least physically OK to be discharged either later tomorrow or possibly the following morning, depending on how he seems after a good night’s sleep. 

“Anyhow, I can see you’re out on your feet, so into bed with you, and we’ll talk again in the morning. 

“Good night, Jim, and sleep well.” 

With that, she patted his arm amicably and let herself out of the room, leaving a thoughtful but desperately tired Jim to climb into the welcoming bed. Carefully arranging Blair’s quiescent body into the most comfortable position to cuddle, without disturbing the IV in his left arm, Jim sighed with profound relief, and fell asleep almost instantly, arms wrapped protectively around the most important person in his life.  


\-----------------------------  


Much later, after a long and restful sleep, Jim woke to a feeling of dampness in his scrub top near his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he was horrified to see his young lover weeping silently against him, having managed to turn himself enough to bury his face against Jim’s chest. The slender body shook with tremors despite Blair’s obvious attempts to control them, and Jim could literally scent his despair. 

Quickly wrapping his arms around the shaking form so that he could gently urge him up enough to see his face, he murmured anxiously, “Hey, baby, what’s the matter, sweetheart? Are you in pain?” 

Unable to meet his gaze, Blair shook his head mutely, tears still running unchecked down his pale and bruised face. 

“What is it then, baby? Tell me, Chief, please. You’re beginning to scare me,” Jim pleaded, hoping that his distraught guide would find the strength to comply. It took some little while longer, but eventually Blair appeared to have cried himself out for the present, and after sniffling and blowing his nose on the tissues that Jim had been able to reach for him from the box on the nightstand, he finally spoke, his voice cracking and hoarse from both the tears and deep emotion. 

“I…I’m so so…sorry, Jim. Please try to forgive me? Because I c…c…can’t f…f…forgive m…m…myself. This was all my f…fault, just because I w…wanted to g…g…get back to the PD quicker. I thought I’d – uh - I’d b…be safe in the car, you know? B…but I was so wrong! And I…can’t r…r…remember _anything!”_ he moaned. “Everything _hurts_ but it’s like a big blank! All I know is that th…th…three bikers stopped me and m…m…made me get out of the car, and after that, nothing! Just p p p pain. Lots and lots of pppppppain,” and he faltered into silence, his expression guilty and deeply contrite, plainly expecting Jim to castigate him roundly for his stupid and dangerous behaviour. 

However, in response, Jim gently eased him back over and down to rest against the pillows while he propped himself up on one elbow in order to be able to look down into the devastated face. Reaching up he cupped Blair’s cheek so very gently, his thumb carefully stroking away the wetness beneath the huge, mournful and red-rimmed eyes. 

“Yes, Chief, you _were_ thoughtless, taking an unnecessary risk like that, but you weren’t the only one to underestimate Murphy. Because yes, it _was_ that evil bastard that took you! I could smell him near the Volvo and on you when we found you. But because it had been so long since the guys warned us about him, and nothing had happened, I think we all got lulled into a false sense of security, including me. And I was beginning to despair of ever finding you alive, baby. 

“But for some reason I don’t understand yet, you were dumped in an alley not far from where you were abducted, for which I’m profoundly grateful, little one. And thank the gods we were still able to connect with each other. It wasn’t too late,” and his expression clearly reflected his own fear of loss. 

Blair had blanched even more when he learned that it was Murphy who had had him, for a moment looking so sickened that Jim thought he’d actually throw up. 

“Easy, easy, babe,” he murmured softly, his eyes nothing but kind and caring as he leaned down to plant a careful kiss on Blair’s brow. 

“We have a whole lot to discuss, and you have a lot of healing to do, and the whole department is out looking for that evil sonofabitch. I promise you that no one will rest until he’s behind bars. He’ll never lay another hand on you, love, ever!” he growled, and Blair could easily read the determination in his sentinel’s thoughts and expression, even as he shuddered at the extent of the vengeful fury directed towards his missing attacker. 

“I believe you, Jim,” he whispered. “But please stay with me? I…I know I’ll be safe if I’m with you. Please don’t leave me alone.” 

Jim smiled sadly at that, knowing that his guide desperately needed him, even if he would have liked to be out searching for the bastard himself. 

“I promise, honey. I won’t leave your side until he’s either apprehended or dead. We’ll get through this together, My Guide. Always together.” 

Blair studied him for a moment, literally feeling Jim’s sincerity and his abiding love. Biting his lower lip unconsciously, he reached up to cup Jim’s face in a somewhat trembling palm. 

“Thank you, My Sentinel. I…I believe you, even if I c…can’t understand why you’d still want me. I don’t deserve you, I know that. Especially now. But I love you, Jim. So much.” 

“That’s all I need to know, my love,” Jim whispered as he lowered himself so that he could take Blair in his arms again. It was going to be an uphill struggle for sure, especially for his guide, so badly wounded yet again in both body and soul. But Jim thanked all the deities he could think of for letting his beloved partner wake up aware and coherent, even if he did have a substantial gap in his memory. They would get through this, even if the road to recovery was long and hard.   



	12. The Road to Recovery...

**Chapter 12: The Road to Recovery…:**  


It was early the following morning before the pair woke again, having spent a few more hours sleeping in each other’s arms. Although at one point Blair was disturbed by formless, nightmarish dreams, Jim was able to sooth him back to sleep with quiet words and gentle touches before he woke up fully. Without doubt the extra rest did them both a power of good, but Blair was still in considerable pain. 

The IV had been removed from his arm during the night, as he was able to take oral meds now, so Jim was able to help him to the bathroom to take care of business. However, that in itself proved to be a trial for the young guide, since not only was he stiff and sore from the beating, but the pain in his nether regions made movement, and sitting, uncomfortable in the extreme. And of course there was also the added embarrassment and guilt for being a burden to his sentinel despite Jim’s denial that he was any such thing. 

“Just stop with the guilt trip, Chief,” he said firmly, his exasperation held in check simply because he didn’t want to upset Blair any more than he was already. “You can tell that it doesn’t bother me, so just accept my help, OK? It’s no more than you would do for me if our positions were reversed, and you know it!” 

“I’m sorry, Jim,” Blair murmured contritely. “But this is different somehow, because it was my fault. And you wouldn’t be in the same state,” he added softly, his shame at what he perceived to be his lack of machismo and vulnerability in comparison to Jim weighing heavily on his mind. 

Jim stopped and stepped in front of the smaller man then, placing both hands on Blair’s shoulders so he could look down into the sad and dispirited eyes. “Maybe not, babe, but look how close I came to being roadkill back at Findlayson. It was you who saved my life then, Blair, and got badly injured yourself in doing it. So why would I not want to help you now? And as far as your guilt about the shortcut is concerned, think on this. Yes, I agree it was foolish of you, but it’s pretty obvious that you really were being watched by that asshole Murphy all along, and if he hadn’t taken advantage of the situation then, he would have tried again at some other time. And I wouldn’t bet on him not trying again anyway, which is why I’m going to insist on 24 hour protection until he’s caught. 

“Simon should never have withdrawn your official shadow whatever pressure the Chief and Commissioner put him under, and no way will I accept any such excuse again. 

“I still can’t figure out why Murphy abandoned you when he did, but although I’m more than glad that he did, I wouldn’t put it past him to have some other nasty plan in mind. So even if it means going to a safe house for a while, that’s what we’ll do, babe. And I’ll be with you all the time, I promise.” 

Blair offered him a tiny smile at that, so grateful for his lover’s sincerity. But he still felt useless and dirty. Brutalised far worse than before, and now terrified that his rapist was still out there, waiting to finish the job by destroying both sentinel and guide. 

“Thanks, Jim. For not yelling at me, even though I deserve it. I will try not to be too much of a nuisance, but I’m really scared of being on my own. I’m sorry….” 

“Oh, Chief,” Jim sighed as he pulled the smaller man in for a hug. “I’m sorry too, babe, for so many reasons, but believe me when I say that we’re stronger together, and that’s going to be the most important aspect of your – _our_ – recovery, OK? Now, let’s get you into the bathroom, OK? And then we’ll see what Dr Myers has to say.”  


\--------------------------  


Shortly afterwards, both men emerged from the bathroom, and although still in pain, Blair did feel a little better for the opportunity to freshen up some with Jim’s help. He hadn’t been cleared to shower because of the dressings on his burns and the stitches in his rectum, but an ultra-gentle sponge down and shave by his lover had gone some way towards restoring a small amount of his normal optimism. However, one look at the breakfast tray which had been left for him was enough to disperse it immediately. Whereas Jim’s tray held a respectable portion of oatmeal, plus scrambled eggs on toast, Blair’s held nothing but liquids, his ‘breakfast’ consisting of a can of a meal replacement drink. 

Trying for humour when he really wanted to cry, he snickered, “Well, at least it’s chocolate flavoured. I really hate the so-called strawberry one!” 

Jim wasn’t fooled in the slightest, and he pulled the smaller body into a one-armed hug. “It won’t be for long, babe,” he consoled his unhappy guide. “Just until it’s not so uncomfortable for you. The last thing you’re going to want is to be afraid of hurting yourself or tearing your stitches.” 

Blair grinned sadly up at him. “Yeah, I know, man. But it’s not something I want to be reminded of. Anyway, here goes!” he muttered determinedly, and picked up the drink. Opening it with the ring-pull, he chugged it down as fast as he could, barely pausing for breath until he’d drained it. Then he offered Jim a wry grin. “You know, Jim, that wasn’t so bad. They’ve improved a hell of a lot since I had to have them before when I was a kid.” 

Jim returned his smile, but privately wondered what the hell a younger Blair had had wrong with him to have been put on a diet of meal replacement drinks. But he decided against questioning his lover right then, however curious he was. If Blair wanted to tell him, he would in his own time, and Jim decided he’d have to be content with that, hard though it might be. 

Finishing off his own breakfast, but not without a pang of guilt, Jim was about to set the trays down outside the door for collection when Dr Myers appeared. Smiling warmly at both men, she nodded approvingly at the empty trays. 

“I’m glad to see you both managed to finish your breakfasts, gentlemen, even if you didn’t exactly enjoy them, and she winked cheerfully at Blair, gratified to receive a small grin from the young guide in response. 

“How are you feeling right now, Blair?” she continued. “It’s good to see you properly awake now, but you don’t look particularly comfortable, so once I’ve checked you over, I’ll give you something for the pain, OK?” 

Blair blushed endearingly and glanced away before replying. “Uh, it’s not too bad, I think, thank you, doctor. I…uh…don’t really like taking medication that’s not herbal. My mom was always into the whole holistic philosophy deal, you know?” 

Sarah Myers snorted unintentionally at that, even though she tried to contain her irritation. “That’s as may be, young man, but I’m afraid such herbal remedies won’t be of much use to you right now,” she said smartly before her face took on a compassionate look again. 

“Look, let’s get you checked over, then we’ll talk about the options, all right? Do you want Jim to stay with you?” 

When Blair nodded eagerly, his imploring gaze fixing on Jim’s face, she said, “OK then. Let’s get you on your side, OK? You can watch Jim while I’m working. We’ll get the worst bit over with first.” 

While she conducted the uncomfortable rectal examination, Jim held Blair’s hand and stroked his hair with his free hand, holding the young man’s gaze and wiping away the few tears that leaked from his mournful eyes. He was proud of Blair’s uncomplaining courage, knowing exactly how embarrassed and ashamed the young guide felt, even if it was unjustified. 

Once she was done, Jim helped Blair over onto his back so she could finish off the rest of the check-up, smiling warmly as he did so. “Well done, babe,” he murmured, the approval in his eyes matching that in Sarah Myers’ expression also. “Soon be done now.” 

Blair offered them both a shaky grin, and strove to find a modicum of equanimity for the remainder of the exam. 

When she was done, Dr Myers stripped off her latex gloves and sat down beside the bed where she could see and address both men. Now for the hard part. 

“OK then, Blair. First of all, I should tell you that I’d like to keep you here for another night. I know that you’ll probably be disappointed at that, but in view of the swelling around the tears in your rectum, I think you should have more antibiotics to ensure that any infection is kept at bay. I also want to be certain that all traces of the drugs you were dosed with are out of your system. 

“The burns on your chest will be painful for some time, but should heal well enough, although I’m afraid there will be some scarring. It will be up to you if you look into cosmetic surgery further on down the line, but I would warn you that it might well lead to an even greater lack of sensitivity in those areas. 

“The most important thing for you – for you both – to be fully aware of, is that the analysis of the semen sample taken when you were admitted has confirmed that you were raped by three men, Blair. And I can tell by your expression that you realise the implications of that,” she said, her tone and expression sympathetic as Blair paled dramatically, slumping back against his pillows as her words hit home. 

For sure, he knew only too well what potential danger he was in, but he had tried not to think about it until forced to. And now he couldn’t avoid it any more. He could very well have HIV, and that meant…that meant… _oh goddess! He could infect Jim!_ Suddenly he found it so hard to breathe, his vision sparkling and swirling as he succumbed to an almighty panic attack the like of which he hadn’t had for years. He was barely aware of Jim’s arms around him, or the paper bag which Dr Myers held to his face as they both urged him to breathe until gradually the worst had passed, and he collapsed weakly against Jim’s broad and comforting chest. 

Long minutes later he roused a little, enough to push himself up to meet Sarah Myers’ concerned gaze. “So…sorry about that,” he stammered, a flush of shame spreading up from neck to hairline. “D…didn’t mean to wig out on you like th…th…that.” 

Sarah smiled gently as Jim squeezed him comfortingly. “No need to apologise, Blair. It’s one heck of a shock to be confronted with, but I need to emphasise that these days, even if it turns out to be the case that you have been infected, the drugs available to treat the condition are so much better now. In many cases, patients lead virtually normal lives. And since we started administering prophylactics as soon as you were admitted, there is a very good chance that you’ll be clear anyway. There’s always cause for hope, Blair,” and she reached over to pat his hand. 

Jim dropped a kiss on the crown of the curly head resting against his chest. “The doctor’s right, babe,” he murmured. “These days it doesn’t have to be a death sentence, and for all we know, you’re fine anyway. We just have to wait until your tests come back clear, OK?” 

Blair looked stricken as he tilted his head to meet Jim’s compassionate gaze. “B…but that takes months, doesn’t it? And…and we can’t…I mean, you know, _do_ anything in the meantime. It’s so not fair on you, Jim.” 

Jim shook him gently to emphasise his words as he said firmly, “What’s not fair, babe, is that you’ve been hurt by three vicious thugs when you so don’t deserve it. As long as we’re together, that’s all I need, little one. We’ll face it together if the worst does happen, but in the meantime we’re not borrowing trouble, OK? When you’re well enough to make love, we’ll use protection until we know for sure that you’re fine. That’s right, isn’t it, Doctor?” 

She nodded her agreement. “Jim’s right, Blair. As I said, these days it isn’t the disaster it used to be, and even if you do turn out to be HIV positive, it doesn’t have to turn into full-blown AIDS. And as long as you’re careful, there’s no reason to think that you’ll infect Jim. 

“Anyhow, I know that it’s been quite the bombshell for you, and there’s no way I’d even try to tell you to be stoic about it. The good thing is that you’re not alone, young man. Your sentinel will be with you all the way, and I believe that you will both get through this as long as you don’t give up. Let Jim help you, and let others help you too. You’re stronger than you know, Blair,” and with that, she rose to her feet. 

“I’ll leave you both in peace for a while. I know you need to reconnect, so I’ll see you both later. I’ll send a nurse in with your meds, Blair. And you be sure to take them, OK?” she added with a rueful smile. 

Blair nodded slightly, his face wet with tears again. But as she left the room, she glanced back to see Jim pull his guide in close for a cuddle, and the sweetness of the gesture gave her hope that they would weather this storm just fine after all.   


\------------------------  


It was several hours later when the pair had a visitor in the person of Simon Banks. They had spent most of the intervening time in bed, with Jim holding his precious lover while the young man alternated between bouts of tears and brave attempts at displaying an optimism he didn’t feel. Their connection hummed between them, and both men gained comfort from that even as they shared their love and pain. However, their hard-earned, relative equilibrium was soon to be disrupted again. 

When Simon arrived at their room, he opened the door to see Jim seated beside the bed, his hand caressing his guide’s hair and face as the young man lay on his side facing his sentinel. Although greatly relieved to see Sandburg conscious again, Simon noted that the drawn and pallid young face was etched with the marks of far greater spiritual pain than even his physical injuries warranted. And when the huge blue eyes turned in his direction, Simon almost gasped at the despair in their depths before the kid made a valiant effort to smile at him. Sandburg was plainly aware of the situation as regards the HIV risk, and it had hit him hard. 

As for Jim, the big detective met his captain’s gaze steadily, his own expression clearly indicating that he knew just what his boss was thinking. 

“Evening, sir. Any news?” Jim asked bluntly, not in the mood for social niceties. 

However, Blair pushed himself up in the bed, trying not to wince as his rear complained at the motion even as Jim reached out to steady him. “Are you OK, sir?” he queried worriedly. “You look exhausted, if you don’t mind me saying so.” 

Simon shook his head in fond exasperation. Trust the kid to be concerned about everyone else when it was him who was lying injured on the bed. 

“Don’t concern yourself with me, Blair. There’s nothing wrong with me that a good night’s sleep won’t put right. But I have come to give you some news as well as wanting to check up on you. On you both,” he added, including Jim in his shrewd gaze. 

“And if you’re up to it, Blair, I’ll take your official statement too. Get it out of the way, OK?” 

The young man nodded nervously, but his tone was diffident when he replied. “Uh, OK, sir. But I can’t tell you much, I’m afraid. I can’t remember anything after I pulled into that parking lot…” 

As Jim squeezed his shoulder comfortingly, Simon nodded. “That’s all right, son. We just need to make it official, is all. Because that shouldn’t be a problem now, at least as far as the prime suspect is concerned.” 

Jim sat up at that. “You’ve got him? You’ve caught the bastard?” he snapped urgently, while Blair gasped in shock. 

Simon sat on the edge of the bed as he grinned tiredly at them. “In a manner of speaking, Jim, Blair. You see, I received a call from the Coast Guard before I set out. Seems that a fishing boat out in Puget Sound ran over something big. Guy thought he’d hit a dolphin or some such. But when he stopped to check, he saw it was a body, caught up on his prop. So he called the Coast Guard, and they fished it out. Really messed up, apparently, but it was a big man, dressed in biker leathers, and he’d been in the water for a few hours at least. 

“Anyway, long story short, when they brought him in, they were able to get fingerprints to ID him, and guess who it is? None other than Dermot Murphy. They’re shipping the body over to Dan Wolf to autopsy, seeing that it’s our case, but by the look of things, he didn’t drown. According to the guy who called me, at first glance it looks like he was shot at close range, and I’d hazard a guess it was around the time you were left in the alley, Blair. Perhaps you had a guardian angel watching out for you after all.” 

Both Jim and Blair looked completely stunned for a moment, but whereas Jim’s expression grew hard and cold, Blair’s pale features took on a horrified look. “Oh, goddess!” he murmured. “I…I don’t know what to say. To think…? It’s so not what I expected,” and he turned to Jim, plainly seeking reassurance and comfort. 

Jim reached for him immediately even as he turned to face Simon again, a cruel and jubilant glow in his ice blue eyes. “Well, _I_ know what _I_ think,” he ground out harshly. “I couldn’t be more pleased, even if it does mean that I won’t have the chance to do for that asshole myself. The world’s a better place without him, and whatever reason his killers had for putting him down like the mad bastard he was, it works for me!” 

For a moment, Simon looked shaken by the feral, predatory demeanour his subordinate had adopted, but he said nothing. He didn’t feel he had the right to take Jim to task for wanting to revenge himself on the man who had assaulted his lover, especially as he was still feeling guilty over calling off Sandburg’s shadow. It was yet to be seen how the three of them got past that, and Simon prayed that Blair could forgive him, even if his sentinel couldn’t. 

However, the fraught moment passed when Blair whispered something sentinel-soft to his mate, and Jim nodded and relaxed somewhat. Turning to face Simon again, he simply said, “Well, at least we won’t have to go to a safe house after all, sir. When Blair gets discharged tomorrow morning, all being well, we’ll go straight back to the loft. 

“And I’ll be needing some time off, Simon,” he added, and it wasn’t a request. 

“Goes without saying, Jim,” was all his boss said in answer. “I’ll sign you off for two weeks initially, then we’ll take it from there, OK?” and he was more than relieved when Jim nodded his assent while Blair offered him a small smile of gratitude. 

Perhaps they’d all be OK in time after all. He prayed that it would be so.  



	13. ....is not always smooth.

**Chapter 13: ……is not always smooth:**  


**Two days later, the loft:**  


Opening the door to #307, Jim stepped aside to allow his pale-faced lover to precede him into the apartment. On arrival at 852 Prospect, Jim had been annoyed to find that the temperamental elevator was once more out of action, meaning that Blair had had to tackle the stairs, and even with Jim’s help, it hadn’t been easy for him. Movement was still painful, not only because of his healing bruises, but because the stitches in his rectum were pulling, and he so didn’t want for them to tear. 

Entering their home with a sigh of relief, he hobbled over to the nearest sofa, intending to collapse onto it, only to have Jim hurry past him, already plumping up cushions and throw pillows in order to make sitting more comfortable. 

Blair smiled tiredly up at him. “Thanks, Jim. You’re so good to me,” he murmured sincerely, then lowered himself down onto the soft pile with a small moan. “That’s better, man,” he sighed. “Even better than that rubber doughnut thing they had me sitting on in the hospital.” 

Jim squeezed his shoulder gently. “That’s good to know, babe, but we can always get one of those as well if you like. The dining chairs are pretty hard and unforgiving, Chief.” 

Blair leaned back into the sofa and breathed through what pain he was presently enduring, cushions or no, and then rolled his head to meet Jim’s concerned gaze again. “That might be a plan, Jim, but the doctor did say that things will improve drastically once the stitches have dissolved, and I don’t want you to go to any trouble for just a few days of discomfort.” 

Jim pursed his lips and shook his head in exasperation. “We’re not going there again, babe,” he stated firmly. “I’ve already made my point as regards taking care of you for a while. I want to do it, and it’s no trouble, OK? But let’s not argue. Do you want to stay down here for a while, and watch some TV, or would you prefer to lie down upstairs? Or we can always make up a bed of sorts on the sofa also.” 

Blair looked up into his lover’s open face, knowing that Jim wanted them to just chill out in front of the TV for a while. Smiling, he replied, “I think I’d like to stay down here with you for a while, Jim. But if you don’t mind, I’d like to lie down beside you, then I get the best of both worlds.” 

“Works for me, babe,” Jim said with a grin. “I’ll put the kettle on and make you some of that mint tea you like, and I’m going to grab a beer. Then we’ll see if we can catch the most recent Jags game, want to?” And when Blair smiled his assent, he bustled off to the kitchen to do just that.  


\-----------------------  


Some short time later Blair was fast asleep in his favourite position, lying on the sofa with his head on a cushion on Jim’s lap. As was also customary between them, Jim was carding gently through his curls, the action profoundly comforting for them both. But even though Jim smiled softly down at his lover’s peaceful face, there was deep concern in his eyes. Superficially, the scene was similar to so many other times they had enjoyed this form of contented togetherness, but in reality it was far from the norm. And he was desperately afraid that they may never achieve such harmony again. 

Oh, it was hardly Blair’s fault that he was frightened of his own shadow, despite the fact that Murphy was dead. Although Jim and his colleagues at the PD were fairly certain that Blair’s other attackers were of small risk to him now with their prime instigator dead – always supposing that they hadn’t been despatched at the same time – the young man could hardly be blamed for being anxious. He hated the idea of letting his sentinel out of his sight for even a short while, and although it was early days yet, Jim wondered when – or if – the situation would improve. It wasn’t as if he wanted to push for separation himself, because his protective instinct was still in overdrive, but he worried about how much his previously feisty and independent guide had changed. Would he ever be able to assume his former active lifestyle both as guide to Jim at the PD and in his own right? And would he ever finish that paper and achieve his doctorate after all if he was too scared to go to Rainier on his own again? 

It was all deeply worrying, and although Jim tried to tell himself that he was being unnecessarily pessimistic as it was early days yet, it didn’t help much. 

On the bright side, if you could call it that, they had had some good news regarding Murphy. As soon as the man’s body had arrived in Cascade, the ME, Dan Wolf, had put a rush on the autopsy, knowing how much the outcome affected both Jim and Blair. He confirmed that cause of death was two gunshot wounds to the chest, and that likely time of death was around when Blair was being recovered from the alley. But best of all was that the man was not HIV positive. That had been a huge relief to both Jim and Blair, but of course there was still the chance that one of the other rapists might be, so Blair was still anxious on that score. And the gods only knew how they were going to face up to that when the time came for his test results to come back if they proved to be positive after all. Of course, there was no question of any sort of penetrative sex until Blair was fully healed anyway, but whether he could be convinced that he wasn’t putting his sentinel in danger of infection was an entirely different matter. 

But perhaps the most damaging aspect of the whole disaster was that Blair was so deeply ashamed of himself. He was convinced that the attack was partly his fault – which Jim had to admit that it was in a way – but despite Jim’s argument that if it hadn’t been at that particular location, it would have been somewhere else, the young man believed that it was something about him personally which made Murphy act the way he did. And that ‘something’ couldn’t be anything good or praiseworthy in his self-perception. Jim knew exactly what his guide believed through their link, and try as he might, he couldn’t seem to get through to the young man that far from deserving what happened to him, he was fundamentally such a good and gentle soul that he was the least deserving of such atrocity. It was deeply frustrating to be sure, and Jim could only hope that time and sympathetic understanding would change his guide’s mind. 

But in the meantime, he knew also that Blair didn’t want to be seen in public, too ashamed and embarrassed to be able to cope with any interaction even with people he knew. He had vehemently opposed any suggestion of their colleagues from MCU coming to visit him in hospital, and that went for his friends at Rainier also. The only visitors they had had were Simon and Joel, and that was only because the latter was so stricken with guilt at what he perceived had been his failure to protect Blair that the young man instantly pushed aside his own hurt to comfort his friend. Jim grimaced wryly to himself as he recalled Blair’s reaction to Joel’s confession. 

“Oh, man, you did nothing wrong, Joel!” he had declared firmly, his expression one of pure concern for the older man. “So you didn’t follow me all the way back to the PD? Well, why should you? You’d already signed off for the day, and your home is in the opposite direction. I’m just so grateful that you were watching out for me at all on your own time; and that because of your call Jim knew I was on my way. And because of _that_ he was able to predict my route and find the Volvo so quickly. And scent who it was who had me,” he ended quietly, his bitter sadness and shame re-emerging. 

Joel hadn’t been truly convinced, but he was desperately grateful for Blair’s words, and had offered to give the men a lift back to the loft once they had been discharged. Although Jim wasn’t of a mind to forgive his colleague as yet, he couldn’t and wouldn’t deny Blair his compassion, and so they had accepted his offer. Not that he’d come up with them to the loft. Tactfully understanding that he would be surplus to requirements right then, he had simply dropped them off with a gentle admonition to take care of themselves and driven away, still deeply worried about Blair’s frame of mind, good and honest man that he was. 

So here they were, back at the loft and together again, just as they should be. But whether things would ever be the same between them again, Jim could only guess. And hope.  


\------------------------  


Jim was just at the point when he was wondering whether to wake Blair and get him to bed upstairs, or whether to carry him up still fast asleep when he heard someone entering the building. Someone whose scent he knew only too well. Wondering what William Ellison was doing visiting at this time of night, he carefully eased himself out of his seat on the sofa, placing another pillow beneath his sleeping partner’s head so as not to disturb him. Quietly crossing the room, he opened the door before his father could knock, a finger held to his lips to request silence as he let the older man in. 

William glanced over towards the sofa, and nodded understandingly as he followed Jim to the kitchen, his expression one of concern and affection. 

Seated at the kitchen table, Jim having put on a fresh pot of coffee, William addressed him softly, casting occasional glances at Blair to make sure he wasn’t disturbing him. 

“How is he really, Jim? I was so horrified to hear what happened, but I knew that my presence at the hospital probably wasn’t wanted. It was Simon Banks who told me, and I passed the word on to Eli. Who is just as horrified as I am. I’m hardly naïve, but I simply can’t understand how such a generous and loving soul as Blair could be assaulted like that. And I’m heartily glad that the animal who did it is dead!” he hissed, and Jim was shocked at his father’s vehemence. 

Rising to his feet to pour them both a mug of fresh coffee, Jim sat down again and met his father’s quizzical gaze, his own expression deeply worried even though he was grateful for William’s support and understanding. 

“I don’t know, Dad,” he murmured sadly. “Blair’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and he has done nothing to warrant such misfortune. Such cruelty. But the sad thing is that he is convinced that it’s something in his makeup that attracts trouble. He’s always had little or no worthwhile self-esteem, and now he has none at all despite how hard I try to convince him otherwise. All I can do is be there for him, and pray that in time it’ll be enough.” 

William reached over and pressed his hand over one of Jim’s in an uncharacteristic display of affection. Uncharacteristic until he had succumbed to Blair’s benign influence, that was. 

“It will be, I’m certain of it, son,” he replied, the sincerity and conviction in his tone making Jim raise his head to study his father’s face carefully. It was true. William did indeed mean every word, and Jim couldn’t help but feel a warm glow of reassurance such as he’d never experienced in his dealings with his father before. 

“Thanks, Dad,” he replied, his own voice catching slightly with unaccustomed emotion. “That’s good of you to say, and I hope that when he hears it, Blair will believe it also.” 

Patting the hand beneath his own, William nodded firmly. “He will, son. I’m sure of it. Just give him time. He’s far stronger than he knows, and his love for you will help him overcome his own fears of inadequacy. 

“But there’s something else I wanted to run by you,” he continued, this time a little more diffidently. “Ah, it’s not something bad,” he added quickly, “but it might not meet with the reaction I’m hoping for?” 

When Jim nodded briefly, his expression both perplexed and curious, he took a deep breath and continued. 

“Well, it’s like this, Jim. I know it’s Blair’s birthday soon, and although I suspect you had some plans of your own to celebrate, I’m supposing that for the time being you’ve shelved them?” 

Jim nodded again. “Yeah, Dad. Somehow I can’t see Blair wanting to do anything but have a quiet day to ourselves,” he murmured sadly. “It’s far too soon to expect him to even try to be sociable.” 

William nodded in understanding. “That’s what I thought, Jim. So this is what I’ve done, and I hope it’s not too precipitate or excessive. It was talking with Simon Banks that gave me the idea. Ah, he told me how much you and Blair had enjoyed your break in his cabin, so when he mentioned that he was thinking of selling it, I offered to buy it from him. It’s a joint present to you both, and I was hoping that you might spend some time there together – spend Blair’s birthday there. The peace and tranquillity might be just what Blair – and you – need to start the healing process?” 

Jim was utterly astounded, the thoughtful gesture almost overwhelming. And when a gasp and slight movement from the direction of the sofa indicated that Blair had woken in time to hear William’s proposition, he found that words wouldn’t come. Instead, he sent his father a beseeching look as he rose to his feet to go to his lover, and when William followed him to take a seat opposite where the two men now sat pressed closely together, his father’s smile was gentle and affectionate. 

As for Blair, he was having serious difficulty in absorbing what he had heard even though his empathy told him that William was completely sincere. “Mr Ellison. Ah, William,” he murmured shyly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say! I mean, thank you so much for coming to see us, and I’m sorry I…I’m in such a mess. But what you’ve done? It’s far more than I deserve, sir. But I truly appreciate it. I just can’t quite get my head round it yet…” and he tailed off into bemused silence, his gaze seeking Jim’s for much-needed reassurance. 

Jim squeezed him more tightly to his side, smiling lovingly down into the anxious face of his beloved. He concentrated on sending that reassurance through their link, along with as much affection as humanly possible, his own concerns gradually lessening as Blair relaxed against him. Looking up to smile at William, he finally said, “I think you have your answer Dad. And it’s a big ‘Thank You’ from us both. As soon as Blair gets the go-ahead from the doc, I think that’s just what we’ll do. I can’t think of a better way for us to celebrate Blair’s birthday than in our own little paradise. 

“Thanks again, Dad. From us both!” and the relief and gratification on the older man’s beaming face was reward enough.  



	14. An Unexpected Visitor

**Chapter 14: An Unexpected Visitor:**  


Over the next few days, Blair tried so hard not to be clingy and needy, but the effort was wearing on both him and Jim for different reasons. Shaky and uncertain of just about everything around him, Blair desperately needed the reassurance of his sentinel’s physical presence even as he cursed himself for his weakness and insecurity. He was sure that Jim would get so fed up with him that their partnership would change fundamentally, and not for the better, when Jim realised that Blair wasn’t worth the constant stress. For sure, they couldn’t function one without the other because of the bond between them, but their personal relationship might well devolve until it was little more than platonic, and Blair didn’t think he could bear that in the long term. For that reason, although the very thought of going out in public, or entering the PD nearly reduced him to tears, he agreed to stay in the loft while Jim made a couple of necessary trips into the office in order to tie up a few loose ends before they took off for the cabin for a few days at least. Days in which Blair desperately hoped that they could reconnect properly, as long as he could find the courage. 

However, because Jim knew exactly where his frightened guide was coming from, he suggested a compromise that Blair could accept, and that was to ask Megan to come and visit with Blair for the short time he was at work. Of all their friends and colleagues, Megan was the only one with whom Blair didn’t feel so very inadequate, even if he was still ashamed to admit he needed babysitting, so that was what they arranged to do. 

While Blair was veering between self-directed anger and tears, his mood swings unpredictable as his perceived guilt and shame continued to tear him apart, Jim was finding it harder and harder to control his own anger and irritation. In no way did he blame his guide for what had happened, and it was deeply distressing to watch the young man gradually self-destruct without being able to anything constructive about it. That very inability to make things right was also damaging for a man who had always had an inherent instinct to protect others, and no one was more precious than his guide. But as Blair had always maintained, he was a sentinel, not Superman, and he was also human, so it was hardly surprising that sometimes his own anger spilled out in sharp rebukes that Blair didn’t deserve. 

Afterwards, he was always mortified by his lack of control, and hugged his lover tenderly, asking for forgiveness and understanding through their link even as Blair always granted it unconditionally, pleading for understanding in his turn for his own lack of progress. 

In one respect at least there was some improvement, in that Blair’s physical injuries were healing well, to Doctor Myers’ satisfaction. She had requested that she do Blair’s follow-up aftercare and routine check-ups, which both Jim and Blair greatly appreciated as Blair knew he wouldn’t want to have to deal with another, possibly less sympathetic physician. The tears in his rectum had healed, and though the area was still a little tender, now the stitches had dissolved, sitting was no longer such a trial and his diet back to normal as long as he was careful. His bruises had faded and the superficial abrasions healed, although the burns to his chest were still sore, and he was still applying the analgesic ointment she had prescribed. 

However, she did stress that it was still too early to attempt anal sex, even if the pair had had a mind to, in order to ensure that Blair’s healing process wasn’t reversed. And that in itself was perhaps the biggest potential problem between them, but not because Jim was likely to insist on resuming their sexual intimacy as soon as possible, as many of their acquaintance might assume from an alpha sentinel. Far from it, in fact, because he was so very wary of hurting the young man in any way that he was treating him with the utmost gentleness and restraint, almost as if he were made of bone china. 

No, it was Blair who couldn’t bring himself to respond to even the slightest hint of anything more intimate than closed-mouth kisses and cuddles, simply because of his morbid fear of infecting Jim. He knew it was irrational, and that there were things they could do to reduce any such possibility down to almost zero, but he simply couldn’t get it out of his head. And the fact that he nearly went into meltdown at the very thought of doing anything that could potentially damage his lover was having a terrible effect on Jim also. 

That was the point they had reached when Jim arranged to go into the PD, having called Megan and gotten her enthusiastic agreement to come over to the loft. He was dearly hoping that once he was free and clear of work for the time being, he and Blair could benefit from time alone in a peaceful environment, and that maybe, just maybe, Blair could relax enough to at least let Jim pleasure him with loving touches and caresses. And hopefully it wouldn’t then be so very long until they were truly one again. 

He could but hope.  


\-------------------------  


Early on Monday morning; just three days before Blair’s birthday and two days before they intended to take off for the cabin; a knock on the door announced the arrival of Megan, her cheeky grin on entering clearly indicating that she appreciated being allowed to do so instead of having the door thrown open in anticipation by a smirking sentinel. 

“G’day, fellas,” she said, her eyes alight with pleasure as she looked from Jim to Blair. “So, Sandy, what’re we going to do today? I was hoping that you’d show me how to make those wonderful brownies like you brought to the department’s Christmas bash. Or at least talk me through the recipe. My brother Davy’s coming to visit me soon, and I want to impress him!” 

As she talked, she casually walked over to a somewhat shy and blushing Blair, totally unfazed by his apologetic gaze as she wrapped a friendly arm about his waist. As Jim watched in approval, his young guide visibly relaxed in Megan’s undemanding presence, and he knew that this was very possibly the best first step they could have made in reintroducing Blair to the real world with which the anthropologist so desperately needed to reconnect. Smiling in satisfaction, he let himself out of the loft, feeling slightly guilty as if he was playing hooky, but knowing that Blair was well taken care of in his absence.  


\--------------------------  


**Shortly afterwards, MCU bullpen:**  


Entering the bullpen, Jim felt at once at home, and yet strangely alien, and after a moment’s consideration, he decided that it was because Blair was absent, as in _totally_ absent. Even when he was off doing his own thing, the knowledge that his guide would soon return to work at Jim’s side had become second nature, and accepting that it was by no means certain that that happy state of affairs would ever happen again was deeply disturbing. However, Jim refused to dwell on that unsettling prospect, and simply absorbed the familiar atmosphere, fielding greetings and concerned enquiries about Blair’s wellbeing as he crossed the room to his desk. He thought incidentally that it was a shame that Blair couldn’t hear such comments in person, as for sure it must go some way to reassure him of his true worth in the department. 

However, before he even managed to sit down, a call came from Simon’s office for him to enter, and although it lacked its usual gruff brevity, Jim turned automatically to obey. 

Simon looked up from where he was seated at his desk, smiling and waving to indicate that his friend and subordinate close the door and take a seat. 

“Jim, my friend, it’s good to see you, even if only for a few hours. Coffee? This blend’s pretty good, so I can recommend it for once.” 

Recognising his boss’ genuine attempt at being open and understanding, Jim smiled and nodded amicably. 

“Sounds good, sir. Smells good too,” he snickered, noting Simon’s small pleasure at his affable response. He knew very well that Simon still blamed himself for pulling Blair’s shadow prematurely, but the honest and realistic part of him recognised that Simon was only doing what he thought was right under the circumstances. And the fact that Blair didn’t hold it against the captain went a long way towards softening Jim’s own attitude also. 

Simon busied himself with preparing the two mugs, then sat down again, giving both men a chance to savour the delicious brew before setting his mug down and getting down to business. 

“So, Jim, how’re things going back home? I’m sorry that Blair hasn’t felt able to come in to the PD yet, but I do understand why, insofar as I can imagine it. Which probably isn’t half as bad as it really is for the kid,” he added frankly. “Do you think that he’ll be able to make the mandatory psych evaluations anytime soon?” 

Jim set his own mug down and regarded his boss steadily. “To be completely honest, sir, I don’t know,” he said candidly. “Although physically Blair’s greatly improved – healing far faster than even his doctor predicted – mentally I admit that he’s a mess. He doesn’t even want to consider finding a suitable private therapist yet, he’s so terrified of facing the outside world, even though intellectually he realises he needs one. I realise that I shouldn’t really be discussing him like this behind his back, but it has to be said. I’m truly worried for his sanity, and I’m just praying that this break will do him – do us both – some good.” 

Simon regarded him shrewdly, the worried frown between his brows evidence of his real concern. “I’m truly sorry to hear that, Jim. I hoped – hell, we all of us here hoped – that it wasn’t quite so bad. But I don’t blame him, Jim. Believe me when I say that. What he went through was far worse than pretty much anything I’ve come across before, and for a gentle soul like that it’s got to be so much harder to bear. 

“But do you think it’ll be better once he’s had the results back from his tests? I mean, I’m convinced that he’ll be clear. I _have_ to believe that for both your sakes. And when he knows that, surely he’ll do his level best to be the guide you want and need again.” 

For a moment, Jim stared at his hands, which were tightly clenched in his lap. He wanted to rail at his friend, furious that he should even dare to voice his opinion on such a fraught subject, but then common-sense kicked in again. It was precisely because Simon was a friend to both of them that he had the right to worry. And he deserved and honest answer. 

Looking up to meet Simon’s dark and concerned gaze, Jim grinned ruefully. “Perhaps you’re right, boss. Maybe once the threat of infection is removed once and for all he’ll be able to relax with me again. But in the meantime, he’s so desperately worried about hurting me! As if I cared about that! But I can’t and won’t force him to do what he doesn’t feel able to do, even if it means that for the time being our bond is just ticking over. Because I have to admit that, even as it stands we still have a far greater connection than most sentinel and guide partnerships ever achieve, so I have to be grateful for that. Because he’ll never deny me whatever he feels safe enough to provide. That’s a given, and I love him for it. Nothing will ever change that.” 

Simon was silent for a moment, his expression thoughtful as he pondered Jim’s words. “Well, that’s good to hear, Jim, and it gives me real hope. And I’m glad that my cabin’s going to be of use also,” he added with a grin, needing to lighten the atmosphere a little. “I felt really guilty hanging on to it when I wasn’t using it, so when your Dad asked about buying it, I couldn’t say no!” 

At that, Jim’s grin became open and unaffected also. “And we both thank you for that, Simon,” he said. “Of course, it goes without saying that you’re welcome to use it yourself whenever you do get the chance. It’s only fair. But you’re right. I’m sure it’ll do us both the world of good. We truly enjoyed our stay there before, and I know we will again. 

“So, I guess I’d better finish off that paperwork so I’m clear to go?” 

And Simon nodded agreeably. “You do that, Jim, and then go and enjoy your time off, my friend. And god willing, both you and Blair will return much the better for it. Take care, and give my regards to Blair. Tell him we all miss him, and we hope he enjoys his birthday!” and with a smile and a word of appreciation, Jim stood to leave, already concentrating on what needed to be done before he could return to the loft and his love.  


\------------------------  


It didn’t actually take all that long for Jim to finish off the official paperwork he needed to complete, so it was with a lighter heart that he bid his friends farewell for the time being and made his way down to the parking garage. Climbing into ‘Sweetheart’, he turned the ignition, a satisfied grin on his face as the classic roared into life. He was truly looking forward to leaving Cascade in just a couple of days’ time, and he was happily anticipating how Blair would react to his birthday present from Jim, and also the ones from his friends in Major Crimes. He knew it would be a complete surprise, because he had managed to source the smart new fishing rod surreptitiously through his father’s contacts, and a call to Megan while Blair was in the shower had relayed the suggestion about what they could buy for their young friend in the form of other fishing gear. She confirmed that she would bring it in her car when she came to visit, so all Jim had to do was transfer it to the basement storage area until such time as he was ready to load the truck for their trip. It might not have been the birthday celebration Jim had intended to arrange, but he had high hopes that Blair would derive at least a little pleasure from his gifts, and even more importantly, would gain some understanding of how much affection he engendered within the department. 

However, as he approached 852 Prospect, his smile dimmed, to be replaced by a perplexed frown. Something was amiss with his guide – he could feel it – but although he knew that Blair was upset, it wasn’t through physical hurt or out-and-out terror, and Jim was certain that Megan wouldn’t let anything untoward happen anyway. No bad guys would get their hands on her Sandy unless it was over her dead body. No, what Blair was projecting was more like dismay and confusion? And when Jim opened his hearing, he could hear three heartbeats in the loft, all of which were elevated to some extent, with Blair’s the most rapid. That was enough for Jim, and he quickly pulled into the nearest vacant slot and threw the truck into park, barely pausing to lock it before sprinting into the building. Eschewing the temperamental elevator, he fairly leapt up the stairs, and as he reached the third floor he heard a woman’s voice raised in annoyance. 

“Blair Jacob Sandburg! Do you know how hard I’ve had to search to find you? What are you doing here, Sweetie, and who is this?” 

Blair’s response was both apologetic and anxious, with an underlying hint of irritation. “Naomi, this is my friend, Inspector Megan Conner. And this apartment is my home now. The home I share with my sentinel. And you’d have known that if you had bothered to keep in touch!” 

Jim almost pulled up short at that, the shock of Blair’s words striking home like bullets. But the next instant he opened the door before the woman could respond, and the sight that met his eyes was pretty mind-blowing to say the least. And when his guide turned to look at him, the young man’s expression resembled nothing so much as a deer in the headlights as he stuttered, “Ah, Jim? Um, this is Naomi. My Mom!”  


\--------------------------  


**Shortly before:**  


Even as Jim was on his way home, back at the loft Blair and Megan were surprised by an insistent knock at the door. They had spent a pleasant and convivial few hours together, with Blair becoming perceptibly more relaxed as time went by, so Megan frowned in irritation when the intrusion caused her friend to tense up nervously again. 

“It’s OK, Sandy,” she murmured encouragingly, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “I’ll go take a gander, and if I don’t like the look of ‘em, I’ll send ‘em packing, OK? No worries, love!” 

Blair nodded anxiously. “OK, Megs. Thanks,” he said, voice quavering a bit despite his attempts to control it. He had no idea who would come calling unexpectedly like this, and for sure it wasn’t Jim. And he hated himself for his automatic fear response. How pathetic was he? 

But when Megan opened the door, leaving the chain in place while she checked out their visitor, the female voice enquiring after him nearly caused Blair to stagger in disbelief. Without the need to see her, he somehow managed to pull himself together enough to call out to his friend, “It’s OK, Megs. Um, you can open the door. Ah, I know who it is, and it’s safe, honestly.” 

Megan glanced over her shoulder, frowning at his tone, but did his bidding anyway, although she stayed alert for any sign of trouble. Unlatching the chain, she opened the door to admit a tall, slender redhead, who stepped over the threshold as if she owned the place. 

Momentarily unable to move from the spot, Blair looked from one to the other as he smiled tentatively at his friend. “Um, I’m OK, Megs, really--,” 

However, he got no further as their visitor glared at him, hands on her slender hips as she demanded imperiously, “Blair Jacob Sandburg! Do you know how hard I’ve had to search to find you? What are you doing here, Sweetie, and who is this?” 

Bridling somewhat in response to her tone despite his unease, he replied, “Naomi, this is my friend, Inspector Megan Conner. And this apartment is my home now. The home I share with my sentinel. And you’d have known that if you had bothered to keep in touch!” 

And that was the point at which Jim threw open the door, and Blair was once again almost rendered speechless in dismay. “Ah, Jim? Um, this is Naomi. My Mom!” 

Quickly taking in the scene, the big man strode into the apartment and crossed immediately to his guide. Ignoring Naomi for the moment, he took the nervous young man into his arms for a quick but reassuring hug. “Are you OK, babe?” he murmured softly for Blair’s ears only. “I guess she only just arrived, huh?” 

When Blair nodded wordlessly against his chest, he sighed softly and then put the young man away from him a little so he could smile down into the worried, upturned face. “It’s OK, babe. I’m here for you now, so don’t worry,” he said, then turned around, keeping an arm around Blair’s shoulders. 

Megan watched their interaction with interest, and was satisfied that Jim had matters in hand and that her presence was no longer necessary. “Look, mates, I’m thinking that you need some privacy, so I’ll make myself scarce, OK? You take care, Sandy, love, and I’ll just unload that stuff you wanted, Jimbo, and be on my way.” 

Appreciating her tact and knowing that she could be relied on to stow Blair’s gifts from the unit safely in the basement for him, Jim smiled and nodded in agreement. 

“Thanks, Megs, for everything, and we’ll see you when we get back, OK?” 

Blair also smiled warmly at her, saying feelingly, “Yeah, thanks, Megs. It’s been really good visiting with you, and I hope the brownies turn out OK!” 

“No worries, mates. Take care, and see you soon,” she responded cheerfully, and picking up her purse, she nodded politely at a bemused Naomi and let herself out.  


\---------------------  


Once he was sure that his colleague was safely on her way, Jim raised a quizzical eyebrow at their visitor, tacitly inviting her response. While Blair glanced worriedly from one to the other, she huffed out an aggrieved sigh and walked uninvited over to the nearest sofa where she seated herself elegantly before turning to study the two men. 

“Well, Sweetie, it seems as if you have a lot to tell me. And I can tell by your aura that it isn’t all good. So, how about we have some tea, then we can talk?” and she smiled invitingly at Jim, obviously attracted to him on sight, at least physically. 

Blair glanced up at Jim, the worry in his eyes angering his sentinel, although the sentiment wasn’t directed at his guide. Instead, Jim gave him a reassuring squeeze and murmured, “It’s fine, babe. You go and make that tea if you want, and we’ll get this sorted, OK? And whatever happens, you know I won’t blame you, all right?” and Blair could feel through their link that he was sincere, and relaxed slightly as a result. 

“Thanks, Jim,” he said softly in reply. “But I’m sorry about this anyway. It was the last thing I’d have expected after all this time!” 

“I know, babe, but now it has, we’ll deal with it. So stop worrying!” and Jim lowered his head and placed a chaste kiss on the wide brow. 

Blair nodded and disengaged himself from his lover’s arms, instantly feeling the loss as he moved to the kitchen to put the tea kettle on. This was going to be hard, whatever Jim said, and he just wanted it over with as quickly as possible so he could start to try and repair the damage. 

If that were at all possible. 

As for Jim, he seated himself opposite Naomi and regarded her steadily. She was certainly an attractive woman, and she knew it, but he was in no mood to be impressed. The mere fact that she had been absent from her only son’s life for so long; absent when he had needed her most; did nothing to endear her to him. But nevertheless he was interested in what she had to say. To hear what her excuses were for denying her offspring the maternal love and support to which he was entitled, in Jim’s not-so-humble opinion. 

OK, he admitted to himself that his own mother hadn’t exactly been a paragon of virtue, but at least he had other family and a wonderful mother figure in the person of Sally, their devoted housekeeper. He hadn’t been alone in the world, even if his childhood had been less than satisfactory, and he bitterly resented this intrusion into their lives even though he knew he had no right to deny Blair the chance to reconnect with his only parent. And it was because of that reason, and probably that alone, that he was prepared to try and hold on to both his temper and his patience until he and Blair had heard what she had to say for herself. 

Naomi smiled coquettishly, and almost preened under his scrutiny, plainly completely unaware that this buff and handsome man was impervious to her charms. “So, what is it you do, Jim?” she asked, “seeing as we haven’t been properly introduced!” and she laughed girlishly even as she cast a reproving glance over at her son, who was just carrying a tray of freshly made tea and coffee from the kitchen. 

Blair reddened at the rebuke, but Jim was having none of it, and pre-empted whatever he was going to say in response. 

“The name’s Jim Ellison, Ms Sandburg,” he said smoothly, “and I apologise for not giving Blair a chance to do the honours. I was far more concerned with making sure he was OK. 

“Anyway, in answer to your question, yes, I am a sentinel, and presently I am a detective in Cascade PD’s Major Crimes Unit. And I am more than proud to say that Blair is my bonded guide.” 

The look on Naomi’s face was priceless as she absorbed his information, wide-eyed shock moving through horror to anger and affront. 

“Blair!” she gasped, glaring at him in accusation even as he put the tray down on the coffee table, his hands trembling faintly to sentinel sight at least. “How _could_ you? You know how we’ve always believed that no one should be tied to another like that! That we should all be free to make our own choices. And then you go and tie yourself to a pig, of all people!” 

That was quite enough for Jim, and he reached for his lover, pulling him gently but firmly down to sit next to him. Wrapping an arm around Blair’s shoulders in order to hold him close, he glared right back at the furious woman. 

“When you’ve quite finished insulting me and your son in our own home, perhaps you’d like to explain just why you had to ‘search so hard’ to find him? Why you’ve chosen to be out of touch for almost _two years?_

Naomi sat back at that, plainly not accustomed to be spoken to in such a way. “I…I…well! How dare you speak to me like that! Blair, Sweetie, are you going to let him talk to me like that?” 

And she was more than taken aback when Blair said quietly but firmly, “Jim’s right, Naomi. You can’t just turn up and start insulting my sentinel like that before you even have any idea of what has happened over the past years. Did you really have no inkling – no concern – about what was happening to me? And why is it that you’ve decided to visit at long last?” 

Naomi looked perplexed at his words, clearly marshalling her thoughts and arguments before she responded. She decided to try for the flirtatious, charming approach that usually won over her many male admirers, unaware that it was having the opposite effect on Jim, who was mentally gritting his teeth at her fluttering hands and batting eyelashes. 

“Oh Sweetie, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I did have my reasons! And after all, I’m here now, just in time for your twenty first birthday!” and she held her hands out to her son, smiling warmly, and plainly seeking his approval. Only for her smile to fade at his total lack of the expected response. 

“It’s my _twenty second_ birthday in three days’ time, mom. My twenty first was spent in Ft Findlayson army camp!” Blair replied softly, his tone and expression indicating his hurt and disappointment in her. 

The shock on his mother’s face was quickly replaced by an appealing smile as the self-centred woman automatically sought the sympathy and understanding to which she thought she was due, apparently completely ignoring the implications of her son’s reply for the time being. 

“Well, you know how it is, baby!” she murmured throatily, sending both men a provocative, sideways glance. “When I broke up with Andrew – do you remember Andrew? There was so much _negativity!_ So much ill-feeling on his part, I just had to get away. To find somewhere special where I could process. So I went to Nepal, and it was so wonderful, honey! I can’t begin to tell you how it helped me find my centre again! But as you know, such places frown on communication with the outside world, and I guess I just lost track of time! But I did send you postcards when I could. To your address in Lower Baker Street. Didn’t you get them?” 

“Probably because I haven’t lived there for nearly two years, Mom,” Blair replied tiredly, recognising that he was wasting his time trying to get through to his flighty parent. “Not since I got drafted because of my guide capability. And got issued to Captain Ellison. Jim. My sentinel, and now my life.” 

Naomi finally sat back and took notice, seeing the condemnation in both men’s eyes, and hating it. Her baby had never denied her anything, particularly his affection, and the hurt in his expression touched her at last. Dropping the coquettish persona, she clasped her hands in her lap. 

“I think perhaps you should tell me everything, Sweetie. It seems that I have missed far more than I ever intended to.” 

Jim and Blair exchanged speaking looks, Jim sending support, comfort and compassion through their link in response to his guide’s uncertainty and diffidence. Bolstered by his sentinel’s strength and love, Blair sat up and met his mother’s gaze again, and began.  



	15. Happy Birthday, Chief!

**Chapter 15: Happy Birthday, Chief!:**  


**Two days later:**  


Jim glanced over at the quiet figure in the front passenger seat, noting the pensive expression on his lover’s face. Although he couldn’t detect any overt distress in his guide’s delicious scent, he was still concerned at Blair’s prolonged silence. Before Murphy’s attack had destroyed his self-confidence so efficiently, he would have been talking up a storm, keeping Jim more than adequately entertained throughout the drive up to the cabin. Having said that, the last thing Jim wanted to do was upset his lover’s hard-earned equilibrium, so he was as tactful as he was able as he broke the silence between them. 

“Hey, babe, you OK over there? Do you need a break to stretch your legs yet?” 

Blair looked over at him, understanding in his eyes as he offered Jim a gentle, knowing smile. “I’m fine, honestly, man,” he replied, his voice warm as he studied his sentinel’s classic profile. “Just thinking, is all. About the last time we came up here, actually. We had such a great time, didn’t we? I was just hoping that it’ll be the same again,” he finished a little wistfully. 

Jim glanced over at him again before turning his attention back to the road, and his own expression conveyed his affection as he answered. “I’m sure it will be, babe, because this time we know it’s all ours! I still can’t get over how generous Dad was in buying it for us. All that fishing and hiking all to ourselves!” 

Blair chuckled at that, his eyes actually sparkling a little at the thought. “Yeah, it was a pretty amazing gift, Jim. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything like that done for me before, until I met you, that is. You’ve been so good to me despite everything,” and his voice tailed off again at that as his ever-present anxiety tried to reassert itself. 

However, Jim was having none of it if he could help it, so he reached over and squeezed Blair’s knee comfortingly. “And why wouldn’t I, babe? I’ve gotten myself the kindest, most attractive and smartest guide in Cascade, and I’m never letting him go. I was just worried for a moment that you might have been thinking about your mom’s visit, and it was upsetting you.” 

Blair looked over at him again, his expression thoughtful as he considered Jim’s comment. It was typical that his sentinel should be concerned for him, even if he still couldn’t really understand why the older man should bother, although the fact that he did warmed Blair’s wounded soul enormously. After a moment, he began to speak again, slowly at first as he thought through his emotions, and surprised at the conclusions he came to. 

“You know, Jim, I’m not as upset as I suppose I ought to be. I mean, I’m mad at her, for sure, mainly because even after we’d explained everything to her, she still tried to suggest that I was making a mistake ‘tying myself to you’ as she put it. I mean, I thought she understood sentinel and guide bonding dynamics far better than that. I always figured it was one of the reasons we never hung around anywhere long enough for me to get tested.” 

“Perhaps she does, Chief,” Jim replied soothingly, “but apparently such devotion between two individuals as diverse as us is anathema to her. In a way, although I was as mad as hell at her for upsetting you like she did, I actually pity her. What sort of life is it when you flit through it like an air-headed butterfly? I’m sorry, babe. I don’t mean to upset you either. Don’t mind me!” 

Blair smiled at that, and this time his grin was much more genuine. “It’s fine, Jim, truly. I’m not mad at you. Why would I be when you were so firmly in my corner? I mean, kudos to Naomi for actually sitting still long enough to listen to our tale, but whether any of it really sank in, I couldn’t say.” His grin faded a little as he continued reflectively, his mobile features tempered by a slightly apologetic frown. 

“Although you probably wouldn’t agree, in a way I can actually understand where she’s coming from. I’m not making excuses for her, but she does have her reasons, I guess. After all, she was only a kid herself when she became pregnant with me, and she was well into the whole neo-hippy scene. 

“To be honest, I never did understand why she didn’t abort me, especially as she’s always maintained that she doesn’t know exactly who my father was, but for some reason or other she decided to keep me, and in her way she did the best she could. 

“Sadly, I think she has far more to ‘process’ now than ever before, so it may well be a long time before she surfaces again, I’m afraid.” 

“Well, please don’t hold it against me when I say, ‘Amen’ to that, kiddo,” Jim responded wryly. “I mean, despite all the theatrical outpouring of horror and guilt, I dare say that I’ve yet to meet anyone more selfish and superficial. And I think I’ll stop right there before I say something that’ll really hurt you, because that’s the very last thing I want to do.” 

He was greatly relieved when his lover’s smaller hand reached over to grip his, and he could feel the love and reassurance his guide sent to him through their link. 

“I know that, lover. And you know what? Now I really think about it, I’m not nearly as hurt as I perhaps ought to be. Angry, for sure, but she’s nothing if not consistent, so again, it’s nothing I’m not used to. No, I’m madder than hell at her for her attitude towards you, Jim, even though I dare to say that under different circumstances she would undoubtedly have made a play for you. She was obviously impressed by you at first sight, and I can’t fault her for that!” 

Jim did a slight double-take at that, surprised by his guide’s almost humorous tone. And when he noted the calm, fond gaze that met his eyes, his own face was transformed by a slow, appreciative grin. It was true. Despite his initial distress, Blair really did seem to be far more OK with the situation than he’d feared, and that was definitely a good sign. Yet again he was humbled by this evidence of the young man’s inherent resilience, and it gave him a much-needed injection of hope for a satisfactory future for them both in due course. 

Now, if he was just as OK with Jim’s choice of birthday gifts, perhaps their therapeutic getaway would be off to a promising start. 

Realising that Blair needed a little more quiet time to do his own processing, Jim concentrated on his driving again, although he didn’t relinquish his lover’s hand. And as the miles went by, he turned his thoughts to the following day, Blair’s twenty second birthday. He really hoped that the young man would like the new fishing rod secreted in the truck, along with the other associated gear his friends at Major Crimes had purchased for him. He knew Blair had no idea about their presence, because he had insisted on loading their gear the previous evening himself, telling Blair that he would appreciate it if the young man could take over the job of preparing sandwiches and snacks for the journey, and packing the provisions they needed to take with them. And he prided himself in the belief that Blair had no inkling that he was being deliberately manipulated. 

Shortly afterwards, they passed the sign welcoming them to the Cascade National Forest, and he turned to look at his lover again. “Nearly there, Chief. And the weather’s holding up just fine. A few days of this and you’ll be tan, babe!” and he sent his guide a comically lecherous leer, greatly relieved when Blair just snickered at his antics rather than tense up again at the innuendo. 

Perhaps it was going to work out after all.  


\-----------------------  


“Oh goddess, Jim! Would you look at that?” Blair’s gasp of astonishment accompanied his wide-eyed look of stupefaction as the truck drew up in front of the cabin. 

“Yeah, babe. Wow!” Jim breathed, equally stunned at the sight. It was the same cabin, to be sure, but it had had a real do-over, and looked, quite frankly, amazing. It had to have been at William’s instruction and expense, and for a while all they could do was sit there and try to take it all in. 

The basic structure hadn’t been ‘improved’ or changed in any way, because William had had the sensitivity to realise that that wouldn’t have gone down at all well with his son and his son’s guide; knowing how much they had loved the property as it stood. Instead, he had simply had the whole place titivated up and re-touched such that the already sound structure was prepared and set to last for many more years. Likewise, the surrounding grounds had been cleared and tidied, but not ‘landscaped’ such that it retained its natural charm without needing any immediate attention. 

And perhaps best of all, they discovered that the deck at the back had been newly stained, and the ancient BBQ replaced by a new gas model, which was the nearest William had gotten to modernisation. 

Inside, everything was spick and span – almost up to sentinel standards – and a lot of the small items and fixtures replaced, but again, with no attempt at modernisation. All in all, both Blair and Jim were totally overwhelmed by Jim’s father’s thoughtfulness, but in a good way. 

Having completed a tour of the building and its surrounds, they stood in the centre of the living area, arms around each other as they metaphorically got their breath back. Turning in his lover’s arms to look up into Jim’s open and wondering gaze, Blair murmured, “Oh, man! This is so, so cool! I just can’t believe how much effort your Dad’s put into this, and without ruining it at all! I’m just totally blown away, man! We’re so lucky,” and he buried his face in Jim’s neck; too overwhelmed for a moment to continue. 

Holding his precious lover close, Jim nodded before dropping a kiss on the curly crown beneath his chin. “Yeah, you’re right, babe,” he agreed. “I’d never have given the old man such credit. Just shows how wrong I was to be so judgemental!” he added sadly. 

At that Blair pulled away enough to look up into Jim’s somewhat downcast face. “Don’t you dare think that way, Jim!” he scolded. “You had no reason to be otherwise. We can just thank our lucky stars that things have turned out so that both you and your Dad can now behave towards each other as you should always have done. Better late than never, man!” 

And Jim couldn’t help but snicker fondly at his guide’s determined expression, understanding exactly where he was coming from. Trust an empath like Blair to get to the root of the matter. 

“You’re right, _again,_ babe. Thank you for keeping this cynical old sentinel in line! 

“So, shall we unpack and chill out on the deck for a while? I’m thinking that we can fire up that brand new BBQ and throw on those steaks we brought with us?” 

And he was more than satisfied when Blair nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yeah, Jim! Works for me!”  


\--------------------------  


**Later that night:**  


Jim lay in bed, his arms wrapped around his soundly sleeping guide, and feeling drowsy and content. They had had a pleasant evening, just chilling out on the deck, enjoying a delicious BBQ dinner, and basking in the evening sunshine. Neither man had felt inclined to instigate deep discussion, preferring to simply revel in each other’s company. After sundown and as the stars began to twinkle in the night sky, Blair had joined him on the same lounger so they could cuddle together for warmth as the air grew chillier, even though they had no intention of retiring just yet. Gazing at the magnificent celestial display overhead for a while, Blair had eventually broken their companionable silence, although his murmur was sentinel-soft and wistful. 

“You know, Jim, this view’s just as wonderful as I remember from the last time. When we made love with the shutters open to the sky. I’ll never forget that night, Jim. You were so tender and kind to me. I just want you to know that I’ll try to get better soon, lover. I really don’t want to be like this for ever.” 

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Jim had squeezed his armful of guide gently as he kissed Blair’s smooth brow. “I remember that too, little one. And I admire your courage, babe. And because I know you better than anyone I’ve ever known – probably even better than I know myself – I truly believe that we’ll get through this. It might take some time, but we’ll do it, and I think we’ll eventually be the stronger for it. We’ve overcome so much together already, babe, I don’t believe you’ll allow this to defeat you. Because I’ll be there beside you, My Guide. Always.” 

Blair had turned his face up for a kiss then, and for the first time since his assault, he had nervously parted his lips and allowed Jim to taste him. And Jim had revelled in the wonderful, much-missed sweetness that was all Blair. It had taken plenty of willpower not to lose control and plunder those wonderful depths and frighten the young man again, but he had managed it, and pulled away before Blair could lose his nerve. Instead, he had smiled down into the beloved face, noting the expression which mingled nervousness with relief, gratitude and love, and he sensed that there was just a hint of renewed self-confidence which he was overjoyed to witness. 

And as he lay in bed that night, his devoted guide in his arms, he knew that as long as he continued to be patient and supportive, he was certain now that they were going to survive this awful setback. The alternative was unthinkable.   


\--------------------------  


The following morning, Jim woke bright and early, but was in no hurry to move. He was simply content to watch his beautiful guide sleep on, happy in the knowledge that Blair had had another good night’s rest, untroubled by the nightmares which still occurred with all too distressing regularity. It was only fitting that his partner should have an extra lie-in on his birthday, and Jim intended to pamper him as much as he possibly could on this day. And he determinedly forced back the disturbing thought that if things had gone otherwise, Blair might never have had the chance to enjoy another such day. 

As he lay there, basking in the sight, scent and sounds of a sleep-warm Blair draped half over him, Jim extended his senses one by one, enjoying the control Blair’s presence afforded him, and automatically checking for any untoward activity. Finding nothing but the normal sounds of nature, undisturbed by human intrusion, the sentinel relaxed again, resisting the urge to wake the young man before he was ready. It was only because he really wanted to see Blair’s reaction when he opened his gifts, and he scolded himself for his selfish impatience. 

It wasn’t too much longer, however, before he was rewarded by the feeling of the flutter of eyelashes against his chest, and the sounds that indicated that his beloved was finally rousing. He grinned in delight when Blair groaned and pushed himself up to peer myopically up into Jim’s face. 

“’Mornin’, Jmmmm. Whattimes’sit?” he muttered groggily, frowning adorably when Jim laughed hard enough to cause him to bounce up and down on the broad chest. 

“And a good morning to you too, Chief,” Jim replied eventually, once he had gotten his amusement under control. “It’s not that late, babe, only about 0800 hours. And may I be the first to wish you a very Happy Birthday, my love!” and he pulled Blair up for a cuddle and a gentle kiss to the end of his nose. 

His words had a dramatic effect on his armful, and Blair visibly brightened as he returned the hug enthusiastically. “Oh, man! Thanks, Jim! You know what? I’d almost forgotten! It was just so nice being here!” 

“Well, seeing as we are, and you are now twenty two, how about I make us coffee and breakfast while you freshen up, and we can see what presents the birthday boy has gotten?” 

Blair’s eyes lit up with wonderment and gleeful anticipation. “Presents? I have presents, as in plural? Oh man! I’m down with that!” and he wriggled out of Jim’s arms, barely pausing to push his feet into his sneakers before heading out through the back door to make use of the outhouse and the basic washing facilities out on the deck. 

Shaking his head Jim chuckled fondly as he too climbed out of bed and set the stove going in order to put on a pot of coffee before following his lover outside also.  


\------------------------  


Shortly afterwards, both men were washed and dressed, and enjoying their first cup of coffee, although Jim knew that breakfast would be delayed until his lover opened his presents. He hadn’t the heart to make the young man wait any longer, simply enjoying this resurgence of Blair’s uncomplicated happiness and eager anticipation. Excusing himself with a knowing grin, he went outside to the truck and lifted the tarp covering the truck bed, retrieving a long package and another large box which he carried into the cabin one at a time. 

“Ta da!” he announced with a flourish, placing them both before his wide-eyed guide. “Happy birthday again, babe. Enjoy!” 

Smiling fit to bust, Blair tore enthusiastically at the wrapping paper like a big kid, scattering bits far and wide as he revealed the present labelled ‘With all my love from Jim’ first. When the fishing rod was uncovered, he whooped in pure glee. “Oh man! Oh, Jim! It’s great! Goddess, it must have cost an arm and a leg! It’s even better than your own! Thank you _so_ much!” and he threw his arms around Jim’s neck and kissed him, a real kiss full of love and joy. 

It was all the reward Jim wanted, and more, and his heart swelled with happiness, not just because the present was a success, but also because it had garnered such a wonderfully spontaneous reaction. Placing his hands on Blair’s shoulders, he smiled down into Blair’s pink-cheeked and happy face. 

“You’re more than welcome, babe,” he replied. “You took to it so well the last time that I wanted you to be able to continue as you started. And I have my own selfish reasons too, you know. I’m looking forward to lots more fresh fish suppers! 

“But I think you need to open the other box too,” he added, thoroughly enjoying the sparkle in his guide’s eyes as Blair did as he was bid. 

First, he opened the large card attached to the box, and his eyes sheened with tears of happiness and grateful wonderment as he read the inscription. After a moment, he handed it wordlessly up to Jim to read, and Jim smiled to see the names of all their friends in MCU, each and every one of them wishing Blair the very happiest of birthdays, and looking forward to seeing him soon again. 

“Oh man,” Blair murmured, his voice choked with emotion. “That’s so good of them. I didn’t know they cared so much. It’s…it’s really amazing, man.” 

Jim squatted down beside him so he could give him a quick hug. “It’s true, babe. They really mean it, Chief. They miss you, you know, and not just because of what you do for me.” 

And as Blair gazed up into his eyes even as he opened his link to his sentinel, Jim could tell that maybe for the first time ever, Blair began to truly understand and believe it. 

After a moment, Blair tore his eyes away and shook himself slightly. “Ah, wow! This looks huge, man,” he said, grinning wickedly again as he began to unwrap the box. “Unless it’s like one of those gag gifts,” he chuckled. “You know, the ones with one box inside the other getting smaller and smaller until you get to the last one, and it’s got nothing in it but a slip of paper saying, ‘Got ya, sucker!’ or something.” 

However, it was nothing like that, as Jim well knew, and he smiled again at the wonderment in Blair’s face as he revealed a large hamper. Inside there was a pair of waders, a fishing hat and all sorts of useful bits and pieces necessary for the serious angler, and Blair was almost overwhelmed. 

“It’s fantastic, man,” he breathed. “And I’ll bet you had something to do with this, Jim! I have everything I’ll ever need now, so no excuses if I can’t catch anything! It’s probably the best birthday I’ve ever had! No, make that _the_ best! I can’t believe how kind everyone has been. You, your Dad, and the gang. I’m so lucky!” 

Jim wasn’t at all surprised when a few tears fell then, knowing that they were tears of pure joy from a happy but rather overwrought young man. He just took Blair into his arms and they held each other, rocking slightly as Blair snuffled against Jim’s chest, both giving and receiving love and comfort through their link. 

After a few minutes, Blair pulled back again, and smiled a little wetly up into Jim’s face. “Thanks man, I needed that,” he snickered ruefully. “But I made another wet patch on your shirt, lover.” 

“No worries, mate, as Megs would say,” Jim replied with a grin. “It’ll soon dry off. 

“So, how about we have that breakfast now, then we can go try out your new kit, want to?” 

And Blair nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yeah, Jim! I’m really down with that!”  


\----------------------  


As Jim watched his lover eagerly checking out his new kit and peering into the basket of goodies in order to sort out what he thought he’d need for the upcoming fishing expedition, he was distracted by the low hum that indicated that he’d received a text message on his cell phone. Surreptitiously pulling it out of his jeans pocket, he glanced at the caller ID to see that it was from Simon. 

For a moment he was angered, wondering why the hell his boss should be bothering them on today of all days, but then the sensible part of him kicked in as he recognised that their friend wouldn’t be that crass unless it was something urgent. Quickly stomping down on his negative thoughts in an effort to keep from alarming his empathic lover, he wasn’t surprised when the young man looked up quizzically at him anyway. 

“It’s OK, babe,” he said with a grin. “Just a text from Simon. He’s probably calling to wish you a happy birthday too!” he added. “I’ll just go out the front OK? It’s the best place to get some sort of signal, and as soon as I’ve done, we’ll have breakfast, OK? I’m thinking scrambled eggs and toast?” 

He could tell that Blair wasn’t truly convinced, but as usual, the young man didn’t push him for more detail, so he just grinned and patted him on the shoulder. 

“Won’t be long, babe,” he said, and headed for the front door, already seeking enough signal to reply. 

As soon as he had enough bars to call back, he keyed in the number and wasn’t surprised when his boss picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Simon, what’s up, sir? Have you heard anything about Blair’s other assailants?” 

He could hear Simon’s irritated sigh at the other end of the line, but had no time to sympathise. It was Blair’s wellbeing that counted, and if his boss had any information at all, Jim wanted to know, and know right now! 

“Calm down Jim!” Simon replied curtly. “Look, man, you should know by now that the last thing I want to do is upset the kid today of all days, but I have some information that can’t keep. In fact, I think it might just make his day, so hear me out, OK?” 

Jim took a deep, calming breath before he answered. “Sorry, boss,” he said contritely. “It’s just the old BPS kicking in, although I realise that it’s no excuse for my curtness. 

“So, what do you need to tell us?” 

And he was pretty much struck speechless as he listened to everything Simon had to tell him. 

“OK, Jim, I’ll start from the top. Early yesterday morning, I got a call from Bayside telling me that two bodies had been found on a deserted area of the waterfront. Apparently, two bikers had had a fight to the death, one suffering from gunshot wounds while the other had multiple stab wounds. Anyway, because of the suspicious circumstances, and because they were aware of the nature of Blair’s assault, their Homicide kicked it up to us. 

“Long story short, I asked for the bodies to be shipped immediately to Dan Wolf for examination; he gave it top priority, and this is what we know so far. 

“Firstly, the tats on the bodies identified them as members of the ‘Sons of Satan’ gang, who operate near the waterfront as you know. Secondly, there are no other fingerprints on the firearm used, or the hunting knife to suggest that anyone else was involved. With me so far?” 

When Jim confirmed it with little more than a grunt, he continued somewhat irritably. “OK, then. So, when H and Rafe confronted Denny Lane, the gang leader, apparently he couldn’t be more disinterested. Said that the two were a pair of losers he was looking to ditch anyway, and that they had had bad blood between them for a while now. And if they’d done away with each other, so what? And by the by, when questioned, he insisted that he’d never heard of anyone by the name of Dermot Murphy. 

“Anyway, Dan and the Forensics guys surmised that the men had had a major falling out, and one had shot the other after being attacked before dying himself from multiple stab wounds. But be that as it may, what was more important was that when Dan examined them and took the relevant DNA samples, he compared them with the ones we hold already and confirmed that they were the two other rapists who assaulted Blair. And even better, neither of them tested as HIV positive. So it looks like he’s in the clear, Jim, and I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier to be involved in a double homicide, if that’s what it was!” 

Completely gobsmacked, as Megan might say, for a moment Jim couldn’t conjure up enough working brain cells to offer a coherent reply. Blair’s two other assailants were dead and it didn’t matter a damn to him if the scene was a set-up or not. The scumbags were as dead as that bastard Murphy, and best of all, they hadn’t been infected either. Justice had been served, and whether it was down to outside influences, it mattered not. 

After a while, he realised that Simon was trying to get through to him. “Jim? Ellison? Speak to me, man! Are you OK?” 

“Ah, yes. Yes, Simon. Actually, more than OK! Look, thank you so much for calling, sir. This is going to mean the world to Blair, and on his birthday at that. I’m going in now to give him the good news, and I’ll call you back tonight, OK? And by the by, he was completely blown away by the guys’ birthday gifts, so if you could relay that to them, I’d be grateful.” 

Sounding much more relieved, Simon replied warmly, “I’ll do that, Jim, and give Blair our best, OK? I realise that it’s not an instant cure, but I have to believe that it’ll help him, and you, both. Speak to you soon!” and with that he rang off, leaving Jim staring almost disbelievingly at the instrument in his hand. 

Slowly returning the phone to his pocket, he strode back to the cabin, half jubilant, and half anxious as to how Blair was going to react. When he walked through the front door, he looked over at where his young partner sat cross-legged in the centre of a circle of both the detritus from the packaging and his carefully arranged gifts, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. His face was white and his eyes haunted, and Jim knew that the empath already realised that something momentous had happened. 

Quickly crossing the floor between them, Jim hunkered down and reached for the smaller man, placing his hands around the slender waist as he lifted Blair into his lap, the young guide’s face pressing into his neck as he clung to Jim with all his might. As he cuddled the now trembling body close, rubbing soothing circles on Blair’s back, he murmured urgently, “Link with me now, babe. And don’t be afraid. That call was from Simon, and he had news for us. Good news, baby, I promise!” 

Blair nodded mutely against his neck, but made no attempt to move, so Jim let him be. He could understand perfectly well that this was the type of exchange that could best be made with the closest physical contact possible, and he wasn’t about to call Blair on it. 

“OK, then, babe, this is what he said,” and he repeated the entire conversation as succinctly and as tactfully as he could. 

Unsurprisingly, Blair said nothing for several minutes, although Jim knew his thoughts and emotions were in turmoil. There was no way he was going to push his guide for a verbal response until the young man was good and ready, and just enjoyed the close contact while he could. 

However, at last, Blair heaved a long, shuddering sigh and slowly pushed himself up and away from his temporary haven against Jim’s neck. Although he didn’t relinquish his seat on Jim’s lap, he visibly straightened his shoulders and met Jim’s concerned but loving gaze. 

“Oh, man! Oh, Jim! I…I don’t know what to say right now…what to think? I mean, if I understood you correctly, the other two guys who raped me are dead, and…and Dan says that they were clear? 

“Does that mean - well, I guess of course it does – that I’m really OK? That this nightmare’s over? That…that I’m not going to infect you after all?” and the beseeching expression in his wide eyes brought a lump to Jim’s throat – again. 

Smiling softly he nodded, saying, “Yes, babe. It’s over. It looks as if we’re good to go, little one, as soon as you’re ready, that is. No way will I demand what you aren’t ready to give, because you still have a lot to work through. We _both_ do. But at least we know now that the physical impediment has gone, and thank the goddess for that!” 

Blair’s slow, beatific smile was like the sun coming out after prolonged rain. “Yes, Jim. You’re right. Now we can really begin to heal, and I promise I’ll do my best to satisfy you. To satisfy us both as sentinel and guide. I can’t promise that I’ll be just fine yet, but I’ll try, Jim. I really will!” 

All of a sudden he laughed out loud, something Jim hadn’t heard from his guide for far too long. 

“Oh, my, Jim! You know when I said this was the best birthday ever? Well, now it really couldn’t get any better! I have everything I could want, and that includes my health. And _you!_

“And you know what? I’m feeling really hungry for once, so shall we have that breakfast now? And then, I’d love to try out my new fishing gear. 

“And then, who knows?” and Jim had to join in with his lover’s merriment when the little imp waggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

Oh, yes, they were going to be just fine. Not immediately, and certainly not without some major setbacks, but with help from their friends and the support of their bond, it was within their grasp, and neither of them could complain at that.   



	16. Epilogue: Aftermath

**Chapter 16: Epilogue: Aftermath:**  


**Six months later, the loft:**  


“You ready yet, babe? You don’t want to be late for your first day back!” Jim’s tone was affectionate rather than censorious, and he was rewarded by a throaty chuckle as his lover trotted down the stairs towards him. Blair looked positively delicious as the sunlight from the skylight showed him up to his best advantage, and Jim just had to smile broadly as the smaller man came to a halt before him. Blair’s expression was adorable. A little shy, a little nervous, but completely committed, and Jim couldn’t have been prouder of him if he’d have tried. They had come such a long way since their stay at the cabin, and both Jim and Blair knew that what had happened there had been the turning point in Blair’s – and Jim’s – road to recovery. 

No, Blair wasn’t his old self yet, and perhaps never would be, but he was doing his best, and no one could ask more of him than that, especially his doting sentinel. 

Jim dropped a kiss on his lover’s brow; knowing better than to kiss that delectable mouth, because then they’d never get going; and threw his arm around his guide’s shoulders. A quick squeeze and they were on their way, Blair almost vibrating with nervous anticipation. 

“Goddess, Jim,” he snickered self-consciously. “This is almost like the first day at a new school all over again! How sad is that?” 

“Not sad at all, babe,” Jim contradicted him gently. “This is a big moment for you, and I’m so proud of you. And I know the guys are too. They’ve missed you, Chief, and they can’t wait to have you working alongside them – and me – again, and this time as a real, honest-to-god official consultant! The department needs you, _Dr Sandburg!_ ” he chuckled, but Blair knew that he meant every word. 

Just had a bit of a problem believing it as yet, but he was getting there. Slowly. 

He shook his head and snickered self-deprecatingly as he glanced up into Jim’s face, noting the big man’s sincerity and loving him for it. “You know, I still can’t get over that, lover. Me, a Doctor of Anthropology! Honestly, man, I never thought I’d make it, let alone so soon. And if it hadn’t been for your support; and that of Eli and your Dad too, it wouldn’t have happened. I’m so grateful to them, and to you.” 

Jim shrugged and grinned a little self-consciously at that. “Thanks, babe. And you know that Dad, Eli and all your colleagues at Rainier all understand that too. But the doctorate’s all down to your own efforts at the end of the day, Chief, and no one can take that away from you. I watched you working on that paper, kiddo. Once you committed yourself to it again, you didn’t waste any time or any of the available information you were able to access online, and when Eli came to visit you at the loft, he couldn’t have been more pleased with your dedication and your progress, and you know it. You deserved everything we could do for you, babe. After all, you’re a celebrity as far as the guides’ cause is concerned, and your published paper will be a much-needed addition to the literature currently available in comparison to what there is on sentinels. The academic world, and that of sentinels and guides as a whole should be grateful to _you_ , babe!” 

Blair was blushing furiously by the time he finished, so Jim just hugged him closer into his side. As a man of few words by choice, for Jim to make such a long speech in order to boost his guide’s confidence was a gesture Blair truly appreciated, and he sent as much love and gratitude as he was capable to his sentinel through their link. By mutual consent they took the elevator, which was actually working for once, because it meant that Jim didn’t have to relinquish his hold until they reached the truck. He knew that the contact was helping Blair keep it together, and it wasn’t doing him any harm either. 

Once in the truck, Jim set off for the PD, happy to allow his guide a little processing time as they drove, and receiving a warm smile in appreciation of his thoughtfulness before Blair settled down quietly to watch the world go by. 

Although he automatically concentrated on negotiating the morning traffic, it also gave Jim a few minutes to reflect on their progress so far, and as the memories flooded back, he contemplated them as objectively as possible, generally more than satisfied with the outcome.   


\--------------------------  


Once Blair had received the news on his birthday that his attackers were all clear of disease; it had truly been a turning point for both him and Jim. Certainly it didn’t signal a miraculous return to his previous state of mind, and the anxiety that had dogged him ever since he had been abandoned in that alley didn’t automatically disperse with the knowledge that his rapists were dead, but he now had real hope that he and Jim could regain some version of normality. And the best way of achieving that of course was to bond fully once again. 

Jim smiled to himself as he recalled that momentous occasion, his sentinel memory accurate in every detail. After he and Blair had shared a long and mutually comforting hug, Blair had actually managed to eat a reasonable breakfast for once, and then they had spent several enjoyable and relaxing hours trying out Blair’s new fishing gear. To the young man’s enormous satisfaction, he had managed to land two good-sized trout, while Jim looked on fondly, feeling almost like a proud parent at a school sports day. With supper taken care of, they had returned to the cabin, and after washing up and putting the cleaned trout into ice cold water to keep fresh, Blair had shyly turned to gaze up at his sentinel. 

“Please can we go to bed now, Jim?” he had asked diffidently. “I…I mean, I’m not sure how much I can do. I’m still frightened, I guess, even though I know you won’t hurt me. But I need to show you how much I love you, and appreciate all your support and patience. And I think we both need the full bond, don’t we?” 

Jim knew his face had been the picture of wonder and pride in his young guide’s courage, and he had gently taken the smaller man into his arms. “I would be honoured to take you to bed, babe. And I promise not to do anything you’re not ready for. We go at your pace, lover, and this time we don’t need to think about penetration, OK? It’s too soon for that, and I have no intention of either scaring you or risking damage to newly healed tissue. But anything else you feel able to do, I’m so down with that!” 

He had realised immediately that he had said exactly the right things to help put Blair’s mind at rest, and when he had carefully lifted his precious lover and placed him on the bed, Blair had offered him a still slightly nervous, but wholly loving smile, the trust in his wide blue eyes a gift Jim received with enormous gratitude. 

Jim had undressed his lover with the utmost care, so glad to be able to imprint him fully again with Blair’s full consent. He had mapped the beautiful body with meticulous attention to detail, until the last hint of nervousness in Blair’s delectable scent had been replaced by genuine arousal. 

And then Blair had reciprocated, free at last to touch and kiss his sentinel without fear of infection, and it had taken no time at all before they had enjoyed a mutual climax as powerful as it was exhilarating, the bond singing between them once again. 

In the aftermath, as Jim cuddled his sated lover in his arms, Blair had thanked him again for his patience, and had promised that as soon as they returned to Cascade, he would take up William’s offer of therapy sessions with the eminent psychologist the older Ellison had recommended. He also said that he would contact Eli and see if he could continue with his doctoral programme online from home until he felt able to return to campus, although he also confessed that he didn’t think he could return to the PD yet. 

Jim hadn’t pushed him on that at all, only too grateful for the promises already made, and he knew that it was far more progress than he’d expected when they had first arrived at the cabin. He was sure it could only get better from thereon in, and he had been right.  


\--------------------------  


While Jim was pondering on the past few months Blair was doing likewise, their connection telling him that although his sentinel’s thoughts were serious, Jim’s ‘vibes’ were all positive. He smiled secretly to himself, so grateful for his sentinel’s devotion to him despite his on-again, off-again self-confidence, knowing that without the older man’s whole-hearted support he would never have made it this far. 

He knew only too well that the recommencement of their love-making had been the turning point in his mental recovery as much as time and freedom from infection had boosted his physical recovery. It was that wonderful bonding on his birthday that had made him realise just how important it was to love and be loved to the full by Jim, and which had boosted his morale enough for the healing process to truly begin. 

Not that it had been easy, by any means. Talk about ‘one step forward and two steps back’! But Jim had never allowed him to despair, and even though Blair knew that he had been less than appreciative so many times – for which he still felt guilty – the sentinel hadn’t given up on him. 

And neither had so many other people, which still amazed him even now. 

He had begun by taking regular sessions with Dr Marta Hawthorne, the psychologist William had found for him. And insisted on paying for also, saying that it was only part of the debt he owed Blair for bonding with his son and instigating their new-found relationship. Blair soon learned that the doctor was a no nonsense, but highly sensitive and sympathetic person, who, if he had but known it, had loved him at first sight. Not in a sexual way, but with his gentle if so wounded personality, and determined that she would do her utmost to help him and his sentinel both. In individual and shared sessions with Jim, she helped him learn to deal with the turbulent emotions that often struck him out of the blue. 

Able now to look back at his progress reasonably objectively, he knew that he had been a mess, despite his determination to get better for Jim’s sake if not his own. For it was because he knew Jim needed him in order to survive that he resolutely refused to consider ending it all, even though sometimes he had been sorely tempted. He wasn’t ‘cured’ yet for sure, but he had learned to develop various coping mechanisms to deal with his problems, which included learning to trust and accept the help of others who gave of their support willingly. 

To begin with, he had carried a huge burden of guilt. The type of guilt assault victims often feel, along with the belief that in some way they deserved what had happened to them. Added to that was the guilt he felt for being such a burden to Jim, and often the only way he got through the resulting depression was by physical contact and bonding with Jim. He worried then that he was being too clingy and needy, but Jim always reassured him that he got as much out of being able to make love to his guide as did Blair. 

He had been spared the trauma of reliving his assault thanks to the amnesia caused by the drugs he had been administered, but the large, empty space in his memory brought its own problems in attacks of formless, free-floating anxiety, which were all the harder to deal with because he never knew when they would occur. 

Unsurprisingly, he also suffered from agoraphobia and paranoia, the lingering effects of which were still slow to fade. For weeks he had been unable to even contemplate leaving the loft without Jim, and he snickered ruefully to himself as he recalled the first time he had tried to drive himself to his therapy session in the Volvo. He had barely reached the end of the block before pulling up, the anxiety attack which struck him one of the worst he had ever had. He had a vivid memory of Jim barrelling down the street to rescue him, and the shame and embarrassment from that incident and so many other similar ones still haunted him. Oh, he was much improved now, but the paranoid feeling of being watched and followed often crept up on him unawares, and the unexpected roar of a Harley could still send him into a tailspin, but it was improving, and thanks to Jim’s constant support offered so willingly through their link, he believed it also. 

It had been hard on Jim, though, having a guide who needed constant reassurance, and Blair had known that he had to do something to allow Jim some ‘me time’ away from his clinging partner. Although unable to leave the loft, he had told Jim that he would be fine alone as long as he had something to occupy him enough not to brood and start jumping at shadows, and the best way of doing that was to recommence work on his doctoral paper. He didn’t know whether it was doable, but as it turned out, his own unacknowledged celebrity and the combined influence of William and his now firm friend Dr Eli Stoddard meant that Rainier was perfectly willing to allow him to work online as much as possible with home visits from Eli when necessary. Any disgruntled mutterings by Chancellor Edwards were completely ignored as the Board of Governors welcomed the opportunity to show off their support and understanding for their home-grown hero guide. And as a gleefully gloating Chaz Beckett had told Blair, the woman was still watching her step anyway as she had been under scrutiny ever since her appalling behaviour towards Blair when he was conscripted. 

The strategy had worked far better than expected, and Jim soon became confident enough to leave Blair to his own devices for a few hours, long enough for Jim to enjoy a trip to the gym, and even to put in some time at the PD as long as he made certain he was home exactly when his guide expected him back. 

And as for Blair himself, it wasn’t so very long until he found the courage to go on campus for the occasional personal tutorial with Eli, or a short time spent in the library as long as Jim dropped him off and picked him up, and he was accompanied at all times by trusted individuals such as Chaz while avoiding crowds or open spaces. 

The tangible results of his work were not only the completion and submission of his paper in record time, but also in the healing effects of his gradual reconnection with academia, a reconnection that he had doggedly pursued in respect to the PD, although he freely admitted to Jim that he found that much harder to accomplish on account of his profound insecurity and lack of self-confidence. 

As far as MCU was concerned, Blair began by meeting individual friends more frequently at the loft at the invitation of both Jim and himself, beginning with Megan and Joel, with whom he had been in contact ever since his abduction. Gradually a few more of their closer colleagues, such as Rafe and H began to drop by, and Simon also as often as he could spare the time. As Blair began to relax in their company, he began to contemplate going into the PD with Jim, although the thought of how he would be received terrified him. 

Nevertheless, assured by all his friends that he would have their support at all times, plus the protection of a very possessive sentinel, he finally made the effort, to be astonished by the welcome he received. 

Desperately anxious about how he would be viewed; perhaps even vilified as damaged goods; he was almost overwhelmed by the affection and genuine happiness shown by the vast majority of the PD’s personnel. And if there were those who sneered at his return, they kept their opinions to themselves in the knowledge that not only did the young guide have a whole lot of support from their colleagues, but also a very large and powerful sentinel possessed of exceptionally keen hearing. 

Thus it was that he had begun to accompany Jim more often, although to start with he stuck to his partner’s side like glue. He did, however, begin to work on the Victim Support Helpline again, and found that it was probably as helpful for him personally as he hoped it helped his callers. 

And now he was about to begin a new stage in his life, and all with the whole-hearted support and enthusiasm of his beloved Jim. 

It had come about with almost breath-taking haste, and Blair was still somewhat overwhelmed by the offer, finding it hard to understand why he should be so apparently wanted and needed. Almost as soon as he had been awarded his Doctorate, which had taken place at a small, private ceremony in deference to his still lingering skittishness in crowds of strangers, Simon had approached him with a huge, congratulatory grin on his face. 

“Blair, son, very well done! Well done indeed! A Doctor of Anthropology at only twenty two! We’re all proud of you, kid. Jim especially,” and he had smiled at them both, glad to see the glow of pride and happiness on his detective’s handsome face as much as the almost overwrought but hugely relieved expression on Sandburg’s mobile features. 

“Now,” he continued, laying a friendly hand on Blair’s shoulder, “I know it’s probably too much to take in right now, and I’m not looking for an answer yet, but I’m going to tell you anyway so you can both think about it when you’re relaxed at home again. 

“If you’ll remember, Blair, when you first joined the department and we were discussing possibilities for your future career, it was suggested that you become and official consultant once you’d obtained your PhD, seeing as you didn’t want to consider the academy. I’m assuming you’re still of the same mind as regards becoming a cop, so I just wanted to let you know that the consultant’s position is open and waiting for you should you wish to take it up. No hurry, son. The Chief and Commissioner are aware of your progress so far, and have no intention of pushing you to accept if you decide against it. 

“But I, personally, hope that you do decide to accept as and when you feel ready. We at MCU want you back as Jim’s real partner again just as the rest of the department needs your empathy and anthropological expertise, and just think on this, kid. You’ll be paid a proper salary this time, not just a pittance of a stipend; probably even more than Jim’s,” and he had laughed heartily at his own dubious humour. 

Blair recalled being completely overwhelmed then, and unable to utter any coherent response at all at the time, but later that evening, he and Jim had discussed the idea at length. He wanted it so much, but was so worried that he would never be up to it, afraid that he would break down at some crucial moment and endanger innocent people, or even worse, his partner. 

But Jim had worked hard to convince him that he was far stronger than he knew, and also reassure him that he’d always have backup and the full support of his sentinel. Jim trusted him implicitly not to let him down, or himself when it came down to the wire, and finally Blair had believed him. 

And now here he was, just arrived in the parking garage and about to commence his new role, and for a moment he felt as if the butterflies in his tummy were on roller-skates. 

“You OK, babe?” Jim murmured then, plainly aware of his guide’s sudden surge of anxiety. “Do you want to wait a bit before we go in?” 

Blair shook his head, loving Jim for his concern. “No, lover, I’m fine. Just a flurry of nerves for a second is all. But thanks for your support, Jim. I know I can always rely on you!” and he offered his sentinel lover a beaming smile which was returned in full measure. 

“OK, then, babe, let’s get this show on the road want to? Your desk awaits you, Dr Sandburg!” and Blair couldn’t help but snicker at Jim’s enthusiasm. With his sentinel at his side, surely everything would be fine. He just had to keep telling himself that.  


\------------------------  


Several minutes later, the two men entered the bullpen, having been delayed on their journey up from the parking garage by so many people who stopped to greet Blair and congratulate him on his new job. Jim could tell that the young man was completely astounded at the outpouring of genuine affection, and deeply touched. 

And when they walked through the door, Jim had to quickly dial down his sense of hearing as the whole bullpen erupted in cheers and shouted congratulations, and as he looked on in fond approval, Blair’s shoulders were patted, his back was slapped amicably by his male colleagues and he was liberally smooched and hugged by Megan, Rhonda and the several other female administrators who had come to see him. 

By the time they’d allowed Blair a little breathing space, his young guide’s face was bright red, but his eyes twinkled in pure happiness. If he had ever needed any proof that he was loved and cherished in the unit, he had it in spades now, and a huge tear in the fabric of his self-esteem knitted together again as he grinned up at his sentinel who had reeled him in for a one-armed hug. 

“You OK, Chief?” Jim asked, smiling down into Blair’s beautiful, flushed face. 

Blair nodded firmly at that. “Yes, Jim. I’m fine. Truly OK!” and he looked about him, smiling at everyone around him. “Thank you, all of you,” he said, the gratitude in his voice clear for all to hear. “It’s so good to be back!” 

And as the cheering started again, a bellow issued forth from Simon’s office. 

“Don’t you people have work to be getting on with?” he growled, scowling ferociously, only for his face to break out into a huge grin. 

“Detective Ellison, Dr Sandburg, my office, please!” and as he withdrew into his inner sanctum, Jim and Blair smiled knowingly at each other. 

Yes, it _was_ good to be back. Back where they belonged. Sentinel and guide together as one, as they would always be from now on.   


**The End**   



End file.
